Can You Keep A Secret?
by Trippeh
Summary: A humour romance of how Lily finally began to like James willingly, with a few catches to the obstacle; can James keep her secrets? Set AFTER Hogwarts. !COMPLETE! !R&R!
1. Lily past, present and secret

**a/n** ms. buggers here with my first story. hopefully, you will read and give me a review. oh yes.. this sotry is inspired by the novel bcan you keep a secret by sophie kinsella/b.  
  
**disclaimer** I own nothing you recognize, and evrything you don't. simple concept.

* * *

My name is Lily. Just Lily. Well, Lily _Evans_ to be exact. I'm a witch, come from a muggle family, blah blah blah - you know the gist don't you? I'm not going to start by explaining myself like as if it was a biography; no, I'm going to be truthful. I'm going to be completely honest with you. Why not start now?  
  
I have a few secrets. Not dumb secrets like pissing off your pants. Not forbidden secrets like I've murdered someone's wife. No, they're just secrets that most girls would have. For example, I'm 19. And I've lost my virginity. That's not the big secret; it's the fact that I lost it at 15 with this guy called - oh shit, I forgot his name. Well, whatever. I did it in some unused classroom at Hogwarts. But this isn't all. I took my mother's engagement ring she set off for me for my wedding and sold it to buy new earrings. Don't worry, it was an ugly ring anyway. I'm working as an Auror, but I planned to be a healer. Oh well. Anyway, whenever I'm mad at my assistat, Farris Rubaro, I pour veritaserum into her coffee, and then question her about her most embarassing moments. I killed Petunia's pet bird when I was seven. It wasn't intentional, but I guess there was some part of me that wanted to get back at her for ruining my scooter. Besides, nobody liked that stupid bird except for her. She cried and cried. Such a baby. Sometimes, when my boss is being a pisser, I go into his office and mess up his files. Oh well, he deserves it; he can be such a grump sometimes.  
  
It's been a year since I've graduated from Hogwarts. People always reminisce about it, but truthfully, I'm glad to be out. For one thing, having Slytherins tailing you around and calling you a Mudblood isn't a fiesta. Another thing is, I was a hunchback for seven years straight, carrying those damned books around, up and down. But the last thing I'm glad to get rid of is James Potter. Stupid James Potter with his stupid hair and his stupid smirk; his stupid dumbass sidekick and fanclub. Okay fine - maybe I _did_ go out with him during seventh year, but only ONCE!!! I had lost a bet that I had regretfully agreed to. At least it kept him off my back. I really hate that kid, more than I hate the slytherins. I'm glad he's gone!.. wherever he went. Never bothered asking him. And I won't ever talk to him.  
  
I currently live with my best friend, Constance Kruberra, in a muggle village. Yes, that's right - a muggle society! Constance, being a full blood witch, had wanted to expirience life as a muggle, and right now she's loving it. But that's not the only thing she's loving. Her fiance, Damien Vector is one of the world's sweetest guys. I can't tell you how jealous I am that she was able to find someone like him. A good tall, intelligent wizard soon to be part of the wizard's council. Constance herself is into Arithmancy. She has hopes of becoming a teacher at Hogwarts. I think she will achieve it, but I disagree with her. I mean, why the hell would you want to go back there? Now, I have nothing against Hogwarts. Dumbledore's awesome, as well as McGonagall and Flitwick. But that's about it, not counting being prefect, head girl and president of the Charms club. So back to my living status - I chose a destination far from my parents and sister who live in Little Wingham. There are times when you can just have enough on family. Unfortunatel,y my family happens to be a bit on the obbssessed side. Let me exaplain. My father and mother boast about me obbssessively to their friends, while my sister puts me down obbssessively to _her_ friends. I on the otherhand, prefer not to either boast or put down my family, seeing as I do not think anyone would be interested in them. Constance's folks think it will be good for her to expirience muggle living. They said she's be a family legend to survive muggle living. But seriously. it's not like she's living in the 1600th century muggle style - now THAT would be surviving. But it's quite amusing. watching a full blooded wizard mope around the house using microwaves and stoves. Not to mention finding entertainment on the television. Although sadly, when she does get married, she will be moving out. Jolly good.  
  
I'm an auror as I've previously said so. I'm not exactly one of those big aurors yet, like Alistar Moody. But I will get my promotion.. soon enough I think. It's quite hard when you have a great deal of competition, such as stupid Sirius Black. Sirius Black, sidekick to dear old James Potter. Super smart and super stupid at the same time. Is that even possible?? He proved the impossible. He himself is almost like James Potter; with a fanclub, part of the Marauders, and high marks, minus being on the quidditch team. Well, I do admit that he _is_ somewhat goodlooking. But that's about it. His looks make up for his tardiness. But I will get there. As Mr. Moody says, Constant Vigilance! I have that.. or so I think I do.  
  
So here I am, sitting at my office, reading parchments my boyfriend sent me. Yes, I do have a boyfriend, though sometimes, I think why I have one. His name is Jeremy Hendrickson. He's not a bad guy, quite nice and good-looking too. He's one of those worriers that think I'm always mad at him, no matter how hard I try to tell him I'm not mad at anything. We have sex. Plenty of it. It's the only thing that will shut him up. Sometimes, when he's doing things to me, I feel like I want to burst out laughing, and I have had close calls. It's just funny the things he does, something I can't explain. He tried to find my g-spot once for a whole weekend. And as exciting as that sounds, you'll be very sore. I walked limply back to the office, and Moody had put me on auror excersizes which were NOT fun. But I didn't tell Jeremy - he'd start worrying. Sometimes, the notes he sends me are too mushy. And I hate it when he calls me things like 'muffin', 'honey' or 'darling'. I still don't even know what a darling is. I'm guessing its a sweet person. I'm not sweet, so that takes off 'honey' too. And 'muffin'?! Is he calling me round and fat?! That's something quite rude to tell your girlfriend isn't it? But he really is a decent guy. Sometimes I feel so guilty, but I shove the feelings away after. Whatever.  
  
"If I may have your attention please," a gruff voice sounded. I shot my head up as did everyone else. Moody was limping his way onto the floor. "I have an announcement to make. We will be receiving a new auror this week."  
  
I looked around the room. Half the people were paying attention. Farris was examining her nails while flipping through a Witch Weekly magazine. Another guy called Matthew Gurgis was half asleep on his elbows. My eyes lingered onto Sirisu Black. I noticed he had a grin on his face. Why on earth would Sirius be so happy about Moody's announcement? Usually, he was off flirting with Farris or some other slut. Sluts seem to be the majority of his flirters. I wonder why.. they're so stupid and high pitched. Anyway, it was a look like he knew the person who was coming. I wonder who. It can't be Peter Pettigrew, his stupid dork friend. He's not bright enough. And it can't be Remus Lupin. Now, out of the four Marauders, the only one decent enough to talk to was Remus. He was actually nice. I just don't know why he'd meddle himself with people like James Potter. Wait a second! What if the new guy was...  
  
"-and I expect everyone to treat him with respectfully and like family!" Moody had roared, to make sure everyone heard. Everyone certainly _did_ hear. I immediately popped out of my thoughts, Matthew Gurgis hit his chin on his desk and quickly straightened himself, while Farris hastily shoved her magazine to the side and put her hands on her lap. I wonder who Moody was talking about. It can't hurt to ask can it?  
  
"Sir," I raised my hand, "please sir, but who is this new person to come?"  
  
"Why, Miss Evans. Were you not paying attention? Not paying attention can cost you your life!" he stated, concentrating on the last bit. I felt myself start to heat around the face. "Not paying attention can not only cost your own life, but the life of your friends! You can give away precious information and a who group of people could be gone!" his eyes flared, and I swear, my cheeks were more red than my hair. I heard a snicker behind Moody. The auror turned around and found Sirius black holding back his laugh and trying to look serious.   
  
"You think it's funny don't you Black? Is it funny if your best friend died right infront of you?" Moody asked, his voice dead serious. Sirius too, had now turned red. "James Potter will be joining our pack Miss Evans. And don't ever let me catch you off guard ever again! Constant Vigilance! Keep your eyes open. And _stay awake_ Gurgis!" Matthew had starightened his head again and gulped. Moody took one last look over the people, and limped away.  
  
So i guess it did hurt to ask. No, it didn't hurt. it scorched. Not only was I embarassed infront of everyone, but to have James Potter to work alongside of? Sirius Black was more than enough! But James Potter? Why is my life so unfair?? Not cool, not cool, not cool!!  
  
I entered my flat with a sour mood. Stalking into the living room, I found Constance with Damien infront of the television. How sweet, I thought bitterly to myself. I tossed my purse onto the couch that wasn't taken by the happy couple, and then tossed myself. I then let out a yell of frustration.  
  
"Something wrong Lily?" Constance had asked lightly. She and Damien both faced me. I shook my head and turned the other way. Of course there wasn't anything wrong! Not only did I get embarassed and had been looked down upon by Moody, but I will forever have to face James Potter! No, I'm perfectly fine. Ugh!!! I'm not fine! I need to get this out of my system. I'll wait until she asks again. Then I'll tell her.  
  
I waited and waited. She made no sign of asking me once again. They act as if I'm not there! Isn't that rude? Of course it is. Oh.. I know what she's doing; She's waiting until I burst and tell her everything. Well, i won't! I'll wait until she asks me... Why is she not asking me? I hate her!!  
  
"Today was the worst day ever!!!" I burst out. Damien had made a sudden twitchy movement of surprise while Constance sat there as if she hadn't hear me at all. She finally turned towards me. "Why?" she questioned with a look of amusement.  
  
"Okay, so I get to work right? And everything's perfectly normal," I stated, from the begining. "I come in, put my purse ontop of my desk, fetch two cups of coffee, pour salt into Farris' cup and all right? And then Moody comes in, and goes ' we're getting a new recruit! ' and I just asked him who it was and he goes ranting about me not paying attention! So I was embarassed infront of EVERYONE! ALL the aurors present, EVERYONE!!"   
  
"Well, were you paying attention?" she asked innocently. If looks could kill, she'd die twice.   
  
"Of course I was!" Well, I _was_ listening. I just happen to to think and listen at the same time... Oh, who am i kidding?  
  
"Were you?"  
  
"No!! But that's not the point! There's something else that made the day hell!"  
  
"And that is?"  
  
"James Potter is the new recruit! And he'll be arriving any day of this week!!!"  
  
Complete silence. And I am not joking. You could literally hear a pin drop. Of course, because we're not muggles, we don't need pins.   
  
"James Potter." I turned around. Damien was deep in thought when he said 'James Potter'. It wasn't a question. Just a statement. I waited patiently for him to continue.  
  
"James Potter, as in the Gryffindor guy in your year?" he asked, as I saw a twinkle creeping up his eyes. Damien was a year ahead of us, but Hufflepuff. In my opinion, he should've been a Ravenclaw. That guy is so smart, it's not fucking funny. But he's a softie, so I guess that explains it.  
  
"Yes!" I said with exasperation. How many James Potters are there? There's only one! We don't need more jackasses in this world!  
  
"Oh, yeah, he's an auror. He decided to do some private training before getting into a group. Said something about wanting to get some one on one practice. His dad trained him, and as far as I know, his dad is awesome."  
  
"Yes well, incase you haven't been paying attention for 7 years Damien," Constance had turned to face Damien, "Lily has a great loathe for James Potter."  
  
"Why? He's a great kid!" Damien said, the twinkle now fully in his eye. I did not answer. I do not want to think about James Potter. It makes me so grossed out that I can't even eat!  
  
"I'm going to bed," I announced, to get away from my thoughts. Sleeping requires no thinking at all.  
  
"But Lily, it's only 7:00 - " Too late Constance, I'm already in my room. I quickly changed into my comfortable pajamas and layed down upon my bed. No more thinking of rotten James Potter. Just sleep Lily. Just sleep...  
  
Apparantly, I had a dream with no other than James Potter. 


	2. In comes James

**a/n** ms. buggers here with my first story. hopefully, you will read and give me a review. oh yes.. this story is inspired by the novel **can you keep a secret by sophie kinsella**.  
  
**disclaimer** I own nothing you recognize, and evrything you don't. simple concept.

* * *

Arriving sometime this week. James Potter, arriving sometime this week. As I recall what Moody had said, this week. Six days have past, and now is the morning of the seventh day, and he still hasn't come. If I'm right, there are seven days in a week. Now is the seventh day since the announcement; he still isn't here. Wait a second - why am I thinking about this? I don't care! I DON'T! There, that's settled.  
  
Ok, so like, it's almost lunch break. I'm just waiting for Serene. Oh! I didn't say who Serene is. Well, she's one of my best friends at the office. Serene Parapara too is an auror in training, with an assistant whom she dislikes too. I don't know what it is about assistances, but they can just piss the shit out of you. She came from America, and I met her here. She told me she wanted to train in England. I told her she was crazy. Anyway, everyday for lunch, Serene and I would always go to the cafe across the street and stay an extra 20 minutes out. No one minds, nor anyone cares. They don't even notice if anyone's missing. They're totally thick. Oh yeah, when we're tired of work, either Serene will come over to me or me to her, and we'd say something like 'the boss would like to speak with you' as an excuse, and we'd just go out for a coffee and talk. Everyone buys it, seeing as our boss, Lorin Winchester, is so old he forgets what he's doing. That's why we have Moody; he actually knows what everyone is doing. He knows that Serene and I skip, but he lets us get away with it. He stopped us once and said that with us going out, we might be able to 'investigate'. Seriously, investigate? He too can be a bit dense.   
  
Before I know what's happening, I feel a tug at my arm, and there's Serene, her long raven black hair all messy, with an excited flush around her face. I grabbed my purse without a word and both of us rushed down across the street and sat down. Don't worry, we usually leave 10 minutes before lunch starts anyway. So we both sat, I ordered a pasta and she ordered a sandwhich. And the daily dish of dirt began.  
  
"Didya hear?" she asked excitedly, taking a sip from her water. Serene was a pretty person. With a pretty big personality.   
  
"No, as I have no idea what you're talking bout," I told her, taking a sip from my own water and leaning back into the comfortable cushions of my chair.   
  
"Bernice is expecting!"  
  
"What?!?!"  
  
"I KNOW!!"  
  
Okay, like.. WOW. This is uber big news! Bernice, one of the office's top Aurors is expecting! No way! I looked around the cafe to find people staring at us with odd looks. I shrugged and was about to turn back to Serene when I noticed something. A mop of messy black hair. Honestly, people these days. It wouldn't hurt picking up a comb and brushing your hair would it? It's not that hard... wait a minute.. messy black hair.. it can't be -   
  
"And it's not Tim's!" Serene's voice said with hush, but I heard it all. Immediately, all my thoughts stopped and my attention turned back to her. Tim was Bernice's husband. What on earth was Serene talking about? "Excuse me?" I asked in disbelief. All she did was nod her head. My mouth dropped.  
  
"Apparantly, she had an affair - don't ask why, I dont know - and Tim has no clue. He thinks it's his kid. Quite sad really," she explained with a look of pity.   
  
Our conversation had grew on more. Yes, I like to gossip. Every girl does, and those who deny it are lying. I noticed the messy hair guy sit a table behind with his back to us. I did not give him another thought. Eventually, our conversation turned to my date with Jeremy I had last night.  
  
"When we got home, I was so tired," I started to tell her. "But he insisted on having sex. And I didn't want him to go all 'are you okay? Are you feeling well?' on me. You know how he is, stupid big worrier. So I just spent last night with him again. Wasted!"  
  
"Oh Lily, Jeremy's not that bad," Serene stated with a look of pure honesty. "Besides, it's not like he's bad or anything is he?"  
  
"No, but really. He keeps insisting on finding the g-spot. So far, he hasn't succeeded. Not even close. Oh, and he asked me what size I was the night before."  
  
Serene spit out her sandwhich. "He asked your size?" she asked me.   
  
"Yeah!" I exclaimed. "So, I told him size four, when I'm really a six. I just thought he was curious. So last night he presents a pair of underwear to me. Size four. And I had to act all happy, and made an excuse to wear them infront of him and shoved them in my drawer."  
  
"Panties? How romantic!!"  
  
"They were shit ugly!!! And it's well known that I like to pick every single garment first handed that I put on myself. But it was a nice gesture. They're not that bad I guess.. and even if I liked them, I couldn't wear them without losing weight."  
  
The both of us had started to laugh, and our conversation had turned into other gossip, about our co-workers. How we both hate Farris and how I poured another serum into her coffee this morning, when Matthew Gurgis had farted while bending over, and all the other things.  
  
"Is it just me, or do you think Sirius Black is hot?" Serene suddenly said, making me startle. Sirius Black? Hot?  
  
"Sirius Black. You think Sirius Black is hot?" I questioned, with a look a disgust forming my face.  
  
"I dont know what it is you have against him Lily, but I think he's cute. That's all," she said airly, and went back to the other half of her sandwhich.  
  
"But... WHY?!" I asked, not able to digest anymore.  
  
"Why not?" a voice had stated. Both of us froze on the spot. I turned slowly around to look behind me. A man around our age sat there, sipping a mug of coffee. He had messy black hair, horn-rimmed glasses, and a smirk on his face. James Potter.  
  
"Well, Lily Evans," he started, his voice already irriating me. "Long time no see. You've gotten even prettier, if that's possible."  
  
If that had come from someone else, I would've blushed. If that had come from someone else, I would've been nice. But it didn't come from someone else. It just had to come from James Potter.   
  
"What are you doing here?" I asked, my voice with calm. But inside, I was seething.  
  
"Haven't you heard? I've come in for training," he replied smartly, and winked at Serene. She stiffled a girlish giggle.  
  
"You come in NOW? Weren't you suppossed to come in a week ago?" I asked, with a suspicious look.  
  
"I said sometime this week. If I'm right, the week hasn't passed. But I'm surprised you counted the days, Evans. Are you happy to see me? I'm sure happy to see you."  
  
"I - I.. You're late for work! You were suppossed to be in twenty minutes ago!"  
  
"Well, if I'm correct, so were you." He sat back with an amused grin and looked at me. It took quite a bit of self control to not throw my cup of water at him. Hey.. if he overheard the Sirius Black bit, he must've over heard -  
  
"It's great to know how you hate your assistant Lily," he suddenly said, with the evil grin he used to whenever he pranked someone. "And it's nice to know what size you truly are. But don't expect to get any lingerie from me - I wouldn't want you to throw a fit." He smiled one last time, got up and payed for his check. He gave one final wave towards Serene and walked out the door. Both our mouths were still agape. He heard! He heard everything!! Why is this SO not cool?!  
  
We quickly got up, paid, and rushed back to the office. And there, we found almost every single girl who worked there younger than 22 surrounding something. "And this here is James Potter," announced a broad voice. I turned my head to see Sirius Black, striding beside Potter. I marched back to my desk and continued with my paper work. All those squealing girls, flirting, playing hard to get, with Potter. And I'm going to have to face this day, after day, after day. Soon, I will be so stressed that my hair will fall out. And having my hair fall out is not a good thing - I've tried so many serums just to get it this silky and soft.  
  
Just then, James Potter had come up to my desk. He rested his arms against one of my moveable walls and plopped his head unto his arms. He looked at me with a big handsome grin. I almost felt myself smiling along with him, but caught myself and turned it into a scowl. What is wrong with me???  
  
"Didn't expect you to get back so early Lily," he said, raising an eyebrow. I raised mine in return. I looked down and tried to concentrate on my work.  
  
"Hi, I'm Farris Rubaro. And you are..?" Farris had come beside James. Of course she knew who he was. Stupid flirt, just trying to flirt her fucking face off in-fucking-front of me. Well, it's not going to work, seeing as I have no feeling towards James Potter except detest.  
  
"James Potter," he replied offhandedly, not even turning around to look at her. I tried to hold back a laugh. James too seemed to be enjoying himself in making me laugh. Well, I will not laugh with him. I stopped my laughter instantly.  
  
"Oh! The new auror Mr. Moody told us would be arriving!" she said, her voice suddenly all bubbly. She is so desperate. Well, maybe James does like her and he's just shy to face her. Maybe.  
  
"Er.. yeah, that's right. So Farris, I was thinking of having a coffee. Would you like one?" James had asked, and flicked an evil smile towards me. I looked back, feeling totally betrayed. He heard about this morning. I forgot.   
  
"Oh, sure, I'll show you!" she announced, and was about to rush until James held her back.  
  
"Actually," he stared, eyeing me. I eyed him back. "Why don't you come with me Lily? We have some catching up to do."  
  
"Ok - what?" Farris recollected what he said to her. "How do you know Lily?"  
  
"Oh, we're old friends."  
  
He pulled me up and I stifly walked beside him. I caught a glimpse of Serene laughing with mirth at me. That girl can be such an evil bitch sometimes. I led him over to the coffee table and turned to face him. He instantly took a step back, as he was holding a cup of hot water.  
  
"Don't you EVER tell ANYONE what you heard today!" I threatened him. My face started to heat up. If James looked scared, he showed nothing of it. He put the coffee mix into his water, poured some milk, cream and sugar and stirred, taking no notice of me. After he sipped his coffee he looked down at me. I can't really say looked down, seeing as we're practically the same height. He just happened to be half an inch taller.   
  
"Of course I won't," he said, for once serious. "I'm not one to spill anyone's secrets." I narrowed my eyes at him. He really was serious. I sighed heavily and started to walk back towards the office.  
  
"But, don't blame me if I make any occassional slips like just now," he suddenly stated, catching up towards me. He clasped a hand to my shoulder, and walked past me. All I could do was stand there with my mouth ajar.


	3. How about a drink, Lily?

a/n: dear MACKENZIE, thank you for your lovely review. i do appreciate the fact that you don't like my story. and technically, i dont really care. no one told you to read it. and if you think its plagerism, go ahead. but did i not specifically say that my story was inspired by the book? and usually what that means is that the stories would be similar. but even if they are similar, i hope you see that both plot lines are very different. but you cant see, so i guess that cant be my fault. and its ok if you dont think i'm doing a good job. its ok if you think i'm not trying. no, you're right. i'm NOT trying; things just come to me. so its not really trying is it? no. but even if you dont think its good, then thats great, because i like hearing feedback. but wait - if i'm not doing a good job on it, maybe you could do a better one. i'd like to see YOU do it actually. and obviously you cant, seeing as your review isn't signed in which means you havent even written anything. or maybe you're scared and you wont let me know what your name is incase your story is horrible. but most likely, you dont have a story. so dont coming all onto me saying plagerism. i'm the one with the story - not you bitch. so whatever. if you hate my story so much, stop reading it. but you cant because you're going to come back. come back all the time. dont deny the fact that i'm right. youre gonna come back because my story s so good that you cant help it but you're going to hate me because of this. as i've said before, i dont care. as God bid it, i cant please everyone; and i'm not going to go all out my way just to please YOU. because there are other people more worth it to please. but do come back and sign again. i must warn you though, you can only review once every chapter, and i wont be updating frequently because i have gunbound guild battles to attend to. cheery oh.  
  
to other people who'd like to review, speak your mind.   
  
bdisclaimer/b I own nothing you recognize, and evrything you don't. simple concept.  
  
on with the story.  
  
Okay girl, get a hold of yourself. James Potter won't bother you. He promised to keep your secrets safe... but what does he mean by occasional slips? Okay, lets not think about him. What time is it? Oh good, it's already four. Two more hours before work is done. Two more hours before work is done?! How the fuck am I suppossed to last two hours?! UGH!! Why is everything SO unfair?! What did I do to deserve this punishment?! Okay, fine. I get it. It must be for killing Petunia's myna bird is it? Well, technically, I didn't kill it. It wasn't MY fault. It was Smog's fault. Smog being my owl. I mean, it wasn't MY fault Smog had to come out to stretch his wings. It wasn't MY fault Petunia set her dumb bird loose too. It wasn't MY fault Smog suddenly spotted the stupid myna. It wasn't my fault that Smog shot out of nowhere and suddenly grabbed the myna with his talons. It wasn't MY fault that Smog ate him. I just stood therw watching the whole proccess. Coincidentally, so did Petunia. So since Smog is MY owl, it's MY fault and I get in trouble. Seriously, how shitty is that? I know! And my stupid parents didn't get me a new scale for potions because of that. Yeah, them parentals were always on her side. Well, still are actually. Petunia's the older, wiser one. Yeah right. Petunia's the scary one. That's why they listen. Yes, my sister yells at my parents and they obey her every command. Although my parents boast about me, they'll always be on Petunia's side. But that's okay. I don't need them anymore. I have my own life, in my own flat, with a roomate.   
  
This isn't punishment for killing the mynba bird! I've already served my punishment by sleeping in the cold basement for the summer holiday after coming back from third year. But it wasn't that bad because that summer was pretty much like a sauna to the maximum degree. So I was quite comfortable. I just acted all cold and shivery when they checked on me. Anyway, no, this isn't punishment for that. This is punishment for breaking a mirror. For breaking Marisa's magic mirror! Marisa was one of the Gryffindor girls I bunked with for seven years. I broke her magic mirror during my first month ever at Hogwarts by accidentally stepping on it. It made itself look like the floor! Stupid magic mirror. Anyway, after breaking a mirror, you get seven years bad luck right? Maybe the seven years have just decided to come up and screw me over right now. Hey wait a minute - seven years. I broke that thing during first year. I've spent exactly seven years at Hogwarts. Everything was great except for.. James Potter! Seven years of bad luck meant seven years with James! Well, I survived that didnt I? If i can manage seven years, I can manage two hours. And then the next week. And the week after that. But this is different! School was seven years! Work is a lifetime! A lifetime with James Potter?! Watch me die within the next three years. I guarantee it. Why is this so stupid??  
  
As I was thinking about all this, James Potter comes back, once again, to lean over my wall. I look up to see him smiling down. I cock up an eyebrow in answer. "Hello Lily," he says. "I was meaning to ask you something."  
  
Ask me something? I scoff. "Ask me what?"  
  
He looked a little nervous, shuffling his feet and all. "Er.. would you like to go out for a drink?"  
  
Is he serious? I just came back from one three hours ago! "No thank you. My coffee break was enough to last me for the remainder of the day."  
  
"How about tomorrow?" he asks again. His nervousness is all gone now. He's still trying.  
  
"I'm busy." There. That's something no one questions.  
  
"With what?" he inquires, leaning forward. Why is questioning my answer?  
  
"Uh.. family affairs," I say. There, No one can interfere wth family. And good, that's stumped him. He's just standing there.   
  
"How about friday?" he tries again. Ok, seriously. Does he not get my hint? Okay Lily. You hafta be straight with him now.  
  
I sit up in my chair and look right at him. "How about no?'"  
  
Oh BURN! Good job Lily! He's finally stopped bugging you. He looks at me though, with this hurt expression. And now he's walking slowly and sadly away from my desk. That should show him. So why do I not feel so good? No! I hate James Potter. I hate his hair and his stupid smirk. I hate everything about him. So there.   
  
So there.  
  
So how come I still feel so guilty? I look at his back again, still making his way back to his desk. Good job Lily, good job. You officially made him sad and you're now the ultimate bitch case in the office. Stupid James Potter. It's all his fault!  
  
"James, wait," I hear myself calling to him. He immediately stops and snaps back around to face me. His expression full of hope. "I'll go with you on friday," I say. He walks back over to me with such speed. "But I'm bringing Constance with me."  
  
His expression flicks to disappointment, but recovers quickly. He smiles at me. "Constance? As in Kruberra? Who's dating the Vector bloke?"   
  
I nod. Well of course, Everyone knows that. Well, everyone who's been in Hogwarts with Constance and Damien.   
  
"Great! I'll bring Remus along then!" he says in pure delight. I suddenly pause. Remus Lupin with Constance Kruberra. Oh shit.  
  
"You're bringing... Remus?" I ask with hesitation.  
  
"Of course! I haven't seen that bloody fellow since last year! Friday at 8:00pm! No worries Lily, I already have your address." He takes out one of my business cards. How did he get that? Oh well. No time to think. He's already walking away. Oh shit! What have I agreed to?

------  
  
"You said I'd WHAT?!"  
  
I've known Constance since first year. I'm currently 19. Which means I've known her for nine years. In those nine years, I've never known her to screech that high.  
  
"Now, don't go blowing yourself up Constance -" I start, but am interupted.  
  
"I CANNOT believe you said I'd go! You KNOW I don't want to!"  
  
Which is quite true. It's not James of course. It's Remus. Okay, let me launch the whole Constance-Remus story. Constance Kruberra and Remus Lupin were childhood friends. I suppose they were pretty close until Hogwarts, when Constance found a girl friends and Remus found his marauders. But nevertheless, they've still stayed close. Let's see.. oh right. Okay, so anyway, Remus liked Constance since second year. Constance liked him since fourth. And it was so obvious, that both of them didn't know it. They maintained a pretty good friendship I suppose. But during our sixth year, everyone thought that the day had come. The day that Remus Lupin, nice, smart and good looking guy would ask Constnace, shy, sensitive, utterly pretty girl, out. And I could vouch for Remus. He was actually getting ready to ask her out. Until Damien Vector. Yep, Damien Vector ruined it all. He got there before good ol' Remus did. And Constance, confused, agreed. And then Remus found out and was heart broken. Poor old chap. Till this day, Constance is still mad at Remus for not asking her out, and Remus is still mad at Constance for agreeing to Damien's offer.   
  
Now, I have nothing against Damien. He's nice, and sweet, and Constance is actually quite happy with him. But I think he knew about the Constance-Remus situation. So he just waltzes in and steals the show. Oh well, that's all in the past now. But I do feel sorry for Constance and Remus. I personally think that they'd make a far better couple, since they've known each other since birth and all. So ever since then, Constance has never spoken a word to Remus, and he to Constance. She must be mad at me right now. Her eyes are glowing.  
  
"Well," I say tentively, "I thought it'd be fun."  
  
Next thing I know, she's gone all hulk on me. "FUN? YOU THINK IT'D BE FUN?! ARE YOU CRAZY?!"  
  
Well, I said I thought it'd be fun. I didn't say it would be fun. And I am NOT crazy. "I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell."  
  
"Well, if you were so mad about the James Potter situation, did you HAVE to pull me down with you?"  
  
Thats is so not true! I didn't pull her down with me! Besides, it's just a short little drink.  
  
"Calm down, Constance," I reply, standing up and trying to push her down to sit. "It's just a short little drink. And besides, I'll be there. You won't even have to look at Remus."  
  
"Who said it was Remus?" she asks. She's so stubborn. She's also so difficult sometimes. And right now is one of those times.  
  
"It's not Remus? Okay then, you two have some catching up to do."  
  
"I refuse to speak with Remus!"  
  
Okay.. WHAT?! She says it's not Remus yet she refuses to speak with him?  
  
"Please Constance!" I beg, on my knees to where she's sitting down. I could really look helpless if I wanted to. "Please just come? I can't be by myself with James! You know I can't. Here, I'll talk to Remus and you can talk to James!"  
  
She looks hard at me. Finally, she sighs and nods her head. "Fine, I'll go. But You're paying for me."  
  
She gets up from the couch and into her room. I guess I deserve that; not even telling her and agreeing with someone else that she'd come along. But if it weren't Remus, I know she'd come. But she'd come even if it were Remus; she misses him. I could tell. but she can't think about him because of Damien. Wow.. look at that. Drama! Drama drama drama!


	4. Calling it a night

**a/n:** carribbean carnvaaal!! jiggle your bomsee!  
  
**Disclaimer:** what you don't recognize is mine.

* * *

For someone who's been dreading for going to a drink, Constance sure has me astonished. As soon as she came home from her arithmancy teaching classes, she has spent her entire time infront of her wardrobe. She must be excited. At least one of is. I am so not looking forward to this. But hey - it could be worse right? I mean, I could be stuck by _myself_ with James. So having Constance and Remus there is a sort of blessing... even if they might be each other's throats.   
  
So right now, it's 7:00. I've taken my shower - exfoliated, creamed _and_ spritzed - and I too am looking at my wardrobe. Don't ask me about the whole shower thing; I just want to look nice. Doesn't every girl? Anyway, I'm having a hard time to decide. I want to put on my new and ultra chic black heel boots, but I'm not exactly sure what to wear that with. I'm kind of hovering between my pink skirt with the white spaghetti top; or my black mini and black sleeveless top. Okay, once again, do _not_ question me. I've already said that I just want to look nice. I'm not trying to impress anyone or anything. It has nothing to do with James Potter. Absolutely nothing! I'm great! I'm single, but I prefer to be single... YOU'RE WRONG! So stop thinking that I like him - because I DON'T! So there. It's settled. I'll wear my whole black attire. It looks better anyway.  
  
I walk to Constance's room to see how she's doing. Unfortunately, she still hasn't chosen her outfit. She looks frazzled. I wonder how she's doing.  
  
"Constance," I call from her doorway. She turns around with a frown. She holds two outfits on either side of her.  
  
"Lily," she says with comeplete seriousness. "Which one of these outfits says _' I'm not trying to impress you; I'm just trying to be polite and look nice '_ ?"  
  
Hmm.. now this is a doozy. Constance has one of the most peculiar complexions - dark chocolate coloured hair, grey eyes, medium skin tone. Both outfits she's holding up look hideous. Well, not hideous, but hideous on her.   
  
"The purple top one," I answer. "But not on you." She looks at me, then shrugs and beckons me to come over. The good thing about being bestfriends with Constance is that she listens to the advice I give her about clothes. Not at all offended. So I stride over to her wardrobe and flick through all her tops, skirts, shoes and accessories. She sure has a lot of stuff, but not as much as me. And she sure needs to organize herself. Honestly, she's being a teacher. And teachers are organized. How can she be organized if she can't even organize her clothes? I'm surprised at how well she's gotten on in the past if it's so hard to find matching things. Colour coordinating is the best for all your clothes and accessories.   
  
I've finally dug out something for her. A nice thin white long sleeve top that shows her belly (which I for one, would never suspect she'd own), her black cargo-capris (which I helped her buy at what she calls 'a nutty muggle store'), and her black kitten heels. I don't understand it - in the wizarding world, they have shops for muggle fashions that witches and wizards all love to go to - but once they set foot in an _actual _muggle fashion store, they get all 'muggles are weird'. Anyway, as she's putting that on, I go into the 'bathroom' (it's what Serene calls it, and I wanna try using it too) to apply my makeup. Well, not really, seeing as all I'm doing is a shine control powder and lip shine. I don't do makeup much. I just like myself au naturel. I just finished applying the second coat of lip shine when Constance steps in. Se looks fab I must say. But she seems very titchy. Fumbling and fidgeting. Really; it's just a few drinks. Nothing big or anything. Constance really doesnt need makeup. She's practically perfect, and I'm so envious on that part. But I do like dressing up sometimes. Anyway, she's just putting on some shiny lip balm and stumbles out. I follow her into the living room where she's plopped herself down on a couch, and is clutching her purse ever so tightly.  
  
I glance up at our clock as it reads 7:50. Wow! We spent fifty minutes dressing up? No worries. At least we won't be late or anything. They should be here in ten minutes. My eyes wonder around the room and just now have I noticed how nervous I am. This is unbelievable. I'm never nervous. I mean, why should I be nervous? It's only James Potter. I see him every day at work. Why should this be any different? Exactly. I give Constance a reassuirng smile, but all she gives back is a look of confusion. I'd be pretty confused if I were to meet up with someone I haven't talked to for a few years.   
  
I'm so engrossed in my thoughts that I barely hear the knock on the door. I quickly stand up, do a look over in the mirror, and walk towards the door. Okay Lily, you can do this. It's not that hard.. YES IT IS!!! Deep breaths Lily, deep breaths. In and out. Oh my gosh, they're knocking again. Okay, reach for the lock, turn it to your left, grab the knob, twist and pull...  
  
And infront of my face is a bouquet of flowers. I stumble back but Constance had seemed to make her way to the door and catches me.   
  
"Good evening ladies," says James from behind the bouquet of flowers. He hands me a bouquet, and then one to Constance. Her eyebrow instantly shoots up. I wouldn't blame her for being suspicisous.  
  
"There aren't any bugs or... water shooters in these are there?" she asks a bit skeptically. James himself looks taken aback.  
  
"Of course not! I'm not that rude to girls on dates!"  
  
He thinks this is a date. But it's not! What if he actually got into this whole date thing and ordered a special dinner and... now is not the time to panic Lily. Okay, spruce yourself, act cool. You're too good for him anyway. But am I? I don't know! Stop thinking about this.  
  
"Er... Lily?" asks James uncertainly. I've snapped back to reality. I look up expectantly at him.  
  
"Well," he starts, still giving me weird looks. "I just said that Remus is here." He indicates on his right and there is Remus. He acutally looks quite handsome I must admit. Casual yet dressy with his grey oxford unbottoned at the top three buttons. He gives me a small smile. "Hello Lily, it's a pleasure to see you again."  
  
He was always on my favourites list of the gryffindor boys. Always so nice. I smile back, and look around at Constance, who's actually staring at him with surprise. She must think he's looking pretty great too. And remus has just spotted her looking at him. "Hello Constance." Wow... he sure looks uncomfortable. Okay, input awkward silence.  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . .   
  
Okay, awkward silence going on a _bit_ too long. Drastic action.   
  
"So," I say with a twinge of nervousness. "Shall we uh... get going?"  
  
"Oh, right," says James. Both he and Remus step aside for us to pass. Constance walks out first while I lock up the door. Brace yourself kiddo, you're going on a date with James. Hey - it's not a date! It's just an innocent night out for a drink! So there.  
  
-----

So, here we are. I'm surprised that they picked a muggle restaraunt. Quite posh I must say. Luckily I always keep a few muggle notes with me all the time. I mean, you'd just never know would you? So.. here we are. Four to a table, two at each end. Me, sitting beside Constance and facing James. Constance facing Remus - not exactly a good match, but it shall do. They can't get into a fight or anything. Or.. at least I hope they wont.   
  
"So, what will it be?" We all look up to a waiter . He's quite young. Must be a part time job.   
  
"I'll have some scallops," James says. "And a nice cup of sweet tea."  
  
Okay, why is this guy here so early? I don't know what I want! I haven't even picked up the menu. Okay, maybe I should pick it up.  
  
"Make that two," Remus chips in. "But a whiskey would be a great replacement for tea."  
  
"And you miss?" the waiter asks, looking directly at me. Oh great. I don't know! I glance around the menu and I see they have ravioli! Great! I love ravioli!  
  
"I'd like the.. pou..let pate ravioli please, and a shirley temple," I say. I notice that James and Remus are giving me weird looks. I give them a look back and their gazes instantly drop.  
  
"Could I get the cheddar-broccoli stuffed potatoes with a martini please?" Constance says. The waiter smiles and nods.   
  
"Excellent choice, miss!" he says and leaves.  
  
At once, James and Remus gawk at me as though I were crazy. I can't stand this anymore. Do I hAve something on my face or something? I checked myself before leaving the house. Okay, this is getting annoying. "What?!"  
  
"Um... do you know what you just ordered?" Remus asks me. He looks a bit queesy. To be honest, I have no clue what I just ordered. I saw the word ravioli and just said the name of the dish.  
  
"Of course I do!" I say. End of discussion.  
  
"And you.. uh.. you like that stuff eh?"  
  
Okay, this is getting weird. And very uncomfortable. I'm about to comment when Constance speaks up. "There is nothing wrong with what she ordered."  
  
Awkward silence number two!   
  
"I'm just making sure before she'd do a number on us," Remus replies lightly and takes a sip of his whiskey which had just arrived.  
  
"Well, if she wasn't sure, why would she order it?"  
  
"I'm just being a caring friend, Constance."  
  
Awkward silence number three! Boy, does Constance look fumed.  
  
"Are you trying to say that I'm not being a good friend?" she asks with deadly calm. Remus raises an eyebrow. Why does this not look good?  
  
"There is no point of me trying when you already are," he says icily. Wow, never thought he'd have it in him to say such a thing. He was always such a nice guy! Constance sure looks angry.  
  
"So, Lily," James starts, trying to get the argument away. I look up hopefully at him. "What have you been up to?"  
  
Is he serious?! What have I been up to? He's been working with me for the past week! But then, he is trying to steer the argument away...  
  
"I'm doing.. auror training. With ... you," I reply stiffly. I mean - what am I suppossed to say? _'I've been working as an auror. Oh, it just occured to me that we work together'_??? Oh, this is good. Remus is turning away from Constance.  
  
"You're an auror?" he asks me. I nod.  
  
"But I thought you wanted to be a healer."  
  
I still do.  
  
"Well, things change, people change..."  
  
"Yeah, they sure do," Constance says and gives Remus a glare.  
  
Awkward silence number four. Okay, exactly how many of these are we going to have? They're quite boring now. We're all sitting here in awkward silence. Well, James and I are sitting here in awkward silence while Constance and Remus mutter things under their breaths.  
  
"And here we are!" We all look up once again to see the waiter. He's pushing a tray with delicious plates upon it.  
  
"Scallops, scallops, potatoes, and ravioli!" he says, looking pleased with himself. "Bon apetit!" And he rolls away.  
  
I'm just about to stab a ravioli with my fork when I have this feeling like everyone's watching me. I look up to find James and Remus staring at me. Constance is just looking at her plate.  
  
"So, you're actually going to eat that?" James asks tentively. I give him an odd look.  
  
"Well, what else am I suppossed to do with it?" I ask him. He shrugs, but ocntinues to stare.  
  
I go back to my plate. It looks so delicious, with the cream sauce and bits of parsely at the side. I stab one and lift it up to my mouth. I can smell the mouthwatering scent. But they're still staring at me.  
  
"_Yes?_!" I ask impatiently.   
  
"Nothing," they both reply together.   
  
I shake my head and click my tongue. Okay, I'm going to eat. Wow, the first bite is amazing! It's creamy, soft and pasty... pasty?... Okay.. why is this tasting horrible now? I must be making a face because James and Remus suddenly crack up. I spit out my ravioli.  
  
"What _is_ this stuff?!" I demand in disgust. But they're laughing even harder.  
  
"You er.. ordered chicken liver ravioli Lils," Constance says as she's cutting up her stuffed potatoes.  
  
"I did not!"  
  
"Yes, you did. Poulet pate ravioli is chicken liver ravioli."  
  
Oh great. And I suppose this sauce is made of chicken piss? I'm suppossed to eat this! If I don't, I'll be hungry. And I can't order something else - it'll be so embarassing. I take another stab at it and pop another in my mouth. I think I shuddered. But I swallow. It's _so_ gross!  
  
"It's actually quite good," I say, trying to sound convincng. Apparantly, theyre not convinced. Now even Constance joins in the laughter. But then Remus catches her eye and both imediately stop. How many times is this going to happen? And why did I agree to this? It wasn't even suppossed to be dinner! We were suppossed to go out for drinks!  
  
"My scallops are a bit raw," Remus says as he bites into one. He takes a big swig of his drink and swallows.  
  
"You're always one to complain, aren't you?" Constance says airly. Remus stops and puts his fork down.  
  
"Yes, I complain. But I dont whine about it," he argues back. Hoo boy...  
  
"Did you know that you were one of the biggest pains ever?" she says, putting down her fork also.   
  
"It was more of a pain, listening to you talk about your stupid crush on Edwin Cho," he replies. I gasp. Constance had a crush on Edwin Cho?! UBER BIG EW!!!! He isn't a bad looking guy - he was just a bit of a nerd. You know.. the types that read a lot and always seem to sniff whilst talking to you. But he's improved. I've seen him walking around the Ministry a couple of times. Constance looks a bit flushed.   
  
"Edwin is a decent person, Remus. Unlike _you_!"  
  
"He turned you down when you asked him to go to Hogsmeade with him - " (I gasp) "And if I'm not decent, how come I've never been turned down?"  
  
"If you were decent, you'd have a girlfriend!"  
  
"Well, I think everyone knows why I don't have a girlfriend!" Remus looked at her with fire in his eyes.   
  
Awkwards silence number five. Honestly, how awkward can this date get?  
  
Constance seems to be holding his gaze. Both of them have been standing since the arguement. She looks a bit relieved yet sad. I don't know why, but this feels like a movie. One of those movies that don't exactly have the brightest of endings. And out of nowhere, she suddenly hugs him. And now she's crying. Okay, so how come everytime I say things like 'How awkward can this get?', something more awkward happens?  
  
"I'm sorry Remus!" she sniffs. It's a bit hard to make out because her face is buried on his chest. I lean causually over and press my cheek against his chest, but James pulls me back. What a spoil sport! Now how am I going to understand what she's saying? Okay, fine. I can listen perfectly well just sitting here in my seat.  
  
"I don't think you're not decent," she continues. "You're a caring and a good listener. You're a friend! Something I haven't been in a good deal of time!"  
  
Wow, I always thought that he'd be the one to apologize first. Awww... look at that - he's hugging her back! This is so.. awkwardly romantic. Okay, awkward moments should really stop by now.  
  
"No, you've always been a friend," he says. "I'm the one who's been a bastard, not talking to you after all these years. And I always thought that Edwin Cho wasn't good anough for you. But... you.. you have.. you have Damien Vector now. And I know he's given you happiness."  
  
He looks a bit hurt. Well, so would I! She pulled away from him. "Yes - yes he has."  
  
"See?" he says a bit strangled. "You're happy now."  
  
"Yeah... I'm happy now." She looks up him and gives him a weak smile which he returns.   
  
Okay... awkward silence number six... come _ON_.  
  
-----  
  
How sweet, they've walked us back to our door. And such gentleman, having paid for us (even if I didn't eat the ravioli). On our way back, Constance and Remus have been trying to catch up on all those missed years. That's really good for them, but I do wish that they'd at least be walking close behind us. I had to endure 20 minutes of James. But as much as I hate to admit it, he's been good company, asking me about my family, my interests and all.   
  
"Well, we had an.. eventful evening ladies," James says with a chuckle. He glances over to Remus who smiles back.  
  
"I guess we can call it a night," Remus says. I completely agree. Walking home in boots for twenty minutes is not exactly the best treat. But I'd rather wear my boots than the kitten heels Constance has on.  
  
"Good night," I say as I step into our house. Constance follows me and we watch as they take out their wands, ready to apparate.  
  
"Remus!" Constance calls. He looks up abruptly.   
  
"Yes?" he calls back. I give Constance a weird look.  
  
"Um... I just wanted to tell you that um..."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"If you'd been quicker, I would've instantly accepted." And with that, she stepped inside the house and I heard her run up the stairs and close her bedroom door. I look at Remus who has a faroff gaze. It's quite sad really. But, hey, you can't change the past can you? And they disapparated. 


	5. When Moody calls

**a/n:** okay, so scrap the 'not updating often' part. its summer, and unfortunately; i'm bored. maybe a chapter everyday or so. depends on my mood. but whats the point of continuing when no one actually reads this stupid story?  
  
**disclaimer:** you get the gist.

* * *

So, I have to admit; it wasn't that bad. I came home and made myself a microwave dinner because I was starving like crazy (James suggested me to order something else but I refused). Constance stayed locked in her room. I have a high suspicion that she was either crying or thinking about Remus. Poor little girl; I'd personally pick Remus. I mean, sure he doesn't have a high paying job or works at the ministry - come to think of it, i don't really know what he does exactly - and he doesn't have the highest of reputations, but he's very smart, logical, very funny (in his own dry way) and he'd actually pay attention to you. I mean, when he's listening to you, he _listens_. And when he talks to you, it's as if you're the only persopn that has ever existed in his being. And you wonder how I know so much about him? Okay, truthfully, I had a _MINOR_ crush on him during third and fourth year. _Minor_, meaning it was nothing. I forgot about it. Though I've never told anyone, not even Constance. But that was ages ago! I consider him as one of my better friends.  
  
Anyway, as I said, it wasn't that bad. The next day at work, James came up to me to thank me for the lovely evening. At first I was a bit nervous, but having Farris there made it great! She was so jealous, even if she was smiling along when James told her. It was pure ownage! Okay, so what? I'm a bit crual. And I'm not one to deny things. I'm scared of the dark too. There. That's off my chest finally.  
  
It's been two weeks since the day we went on our little 'date'. I still don't know why I'm calling it a date when it wasn't. It was just a friendly gathering for _drinks_. During the past two weeks, Constance has been in deep thought. Well, Constance _and _Damien have been in deep thought. Just three days ago, they announced their wedding date. I mean, their wedding date! This is so big; I'm maid of honour and everything. When Damien left, I questioned her about inviting Remus, but she avoided my question. Anyway, maid of honour! I'm tottally psyched! My family's coming (hence Petunia), and they're just thrilled. Ever since they met Constance, they've been treating her as their third daughter. So it's good that they have such a tight relationship; as is mine with Mr and Mrs Kruberra.   
  
Just yesterday, I helped Constance send out invitations to the wedding. It'll be in three weeks; June 28. I asked her why June 28; she has these predictions that it'll be a bright, sunny and warm day. Honestly, her arithmancy really gets to her head. She goes all numerical on me that I have no clue to what the fuck she talks about. Anyway, as for guests, so far we have family of groom, bride, best man and maid of honour She still needs to invite her other friends. She's got Sirius, James and Serene on it. I did not question about Remus, nor did she bring him up. But really - he _should_ be at her wedding, seeing as they're practically as close as Constance is with myself.   
  
Constance has this plan of a whole muggle wedding. Her parents are over their minds with excitement over this because it's muggle. I really do not understand them; something muggle happens and it's like as if galleons were falling from the sky. The groom's family however are a bit uneasy. They keep saying things like "_There won't be any magic? But what if the alter falls down? Or what if one of the children swallows the ring?_" Really. They think muggles are stupid. If muggles are so stupid, then how did they get electricity? Or the wheel? My point exactly.   
  
"Hi Lily!" says a voice beside me. I snap back and turn around. Serene's there hoilding a cup of coffee. She looks quite pleased with herself.  
  
"What did you do?" I ask instantly. She gives me a huge grin.  
  
"Well, I've already poured some swelling solution into Farris' cup of coffee, and I've messed up Winchester's desk. He was being such a prat, telling me how I should get my act up. He called me Lindsay. I'm not Lindsay! Lindsay doesn't look like me! Even if he was referring the 'get your act up' bit to Lindsay, I was still mad for him calling me that."  
  
"But Serene, you _know_ Winchester's got a bad memory! Lighten up!"  
  
She gives me a look. She's about to argue back. Please don't argue back; I'm too happy to argue.   
  
She was just about to open her mouth when Sirius came over. "Here are your drafts Evans. Thanks for letting me borrow them. I swear that I'll never ever spill my coffee on mine again!"  
  
"I'm sure you won't ever," I reply, rolling my eyes.   
  
"Oh, hello Serene," Sirius says lightly. "See you around then." He winks at her and then leaves. And to my horror, she's blushing and giggling like mad. This is sick. And now James has to come over. Oh great, he's here already. He sure walks fast. I'm practically his height, and even I don't walk that fast. He's giving Serene a look, then looks at me. What does he expect from me? I don't know anything! Why am I so bitter? I was in such a happy mood!   
  
"Hey Serene. What's with the girl act?" he asks turning to her. She stop immediately.  
  
"Nothing," she says quickly and turns away from him still blushing. Oh my god.  
  
"Oh... Sirius must've winked at you," he says. I stiffled my own giggle.  
  
"No he didn't!" she cries defensively.  
  
"It's okay, Serene. I've seen many girls do that. It's something you get used to by being best friends with Sirius Black."  
  
I've never really seen Serence blush that hard. James clasps her around the shoulder. "Don't worry Serene, I'll put in a good word for you."  
  
Serene's mouth drops like a brick. What's she so freaked about? She likes Sirius doesn't she? Okay, so maybe she didn't say she did. She thinks he's hot. But still. She's single; he's single.  
  
"Don't you _dare_, James Potter!!!" she warns. I daresay that James has paid the slightest attention.   
  
"Well, I just wanted to say good morning to you today Lily," he tells me with a smile. To my surprise, I grin back. "Oh, and I saw what you did to Winchester's desk. Next time, do it more descretely." He gives a look to Serene who's mouth is still open.  
  
This is great! Serene being embarassed! Wow. Anyway, James is walking towards Sirius, and whispers something to him. Their gazes fall in our dirction, and James points a finger towards Serene. I could swear that the girl turned a different colour. This is so sweet! When James gets away from Sirius' ear, Sirius carries an astonished look. He recovered, and waved slowly to Serene.  
  
"Oh. My. God. I will _KILL_ that Potter boy!" she shrieks. James, overhearing her loud remark, made a dash for the door. And Serene chased after him.   
  
Sirius is once again walking over towards me. He gives me a serious look. Get my pun? Haha. Okay, I'm not the biggest of comedians. Bear with me! Anyway, he's still looking in disbelief. "Is it true?"  
  
"What?" I ask, completely puzzled. He looks at me as if wondering if i'm telling the truth or not.  
  
"Serene likes me?" he asks. In fact, he looks a bit hopeful.  
  
"Err.. it's not my place to say," I reply. Good one Lily. Well, not really.  
  
"Really Lily. Does she?"  
  
"I think you should ask her. She's the one with the real answer."   
  
He gives me a look once again. "Don't tell anyone okay? But I hope she does." And with that, he walked away. Whoaaaaa.. Sirius likes Serene? This is big news! Wait until I tell her. But he said not to tell anyone... oh screw it! I'm a girl! I can't keep this from her! She deserves to know! And she likes him too! They'll be perfect for each other! Yay! Constance is getting married, Serene and Sirius will hook up... and that leaves me. Me. Just me. Alone. With _no one_. I'll die alone. And then, I'm going to be one of those old grannies that have nine hundred cats and knit sweaters for them. My house will be littered with cat droppings, fur and kibble bits. And I'll die with my hands clutching two knitting needles.  
  
Just as I'm about to get back to organizing the drafts Sirius gives me, James comes in shooting like a bullet. Although he was always on a broom during Quidditch, that guy can sure run pretty fast. Unfortunately, Serene was still at the second level. Aurors are on the seventh level. Wow, I just realized that they've chase eachother for a fair few stories. Poor Serene; she was never a sprinter - especially in her Prada shoes.   
  
I walked to the hall to get myself a cup of tea. I haven't had tea in the longest time. A nice cup of sweet tea is much better than coffee somtime. Oh great, Farris is approaching. Not a good sign. She looks pretty angry too. "So. Lily."  
  
What the hell? "So. Farris."  
  
"What the fuck is your problem Lily?!"  
  
What the fuck is she talking about? "My problem? I have more than only one problem."  
  
She looks angry. Quite angry I must say. And I don't know why, but I feel like laughing.   
  
"If you pour anything into my coffee ever again, I will report you to Winchester!" she suddenly threatened. I _am_ pretty shocked. I can't deny it can I? Oh well. Be honest.  
  
"Aye aye Farris!" I reply cheerfully. Hey, that wasn't too bad was it? Just let me grab my cup of tea... wait... did she pour anything into it? Because she's smiling at me. She's scaring me. Oh my god, is she attracted to me? I'm straight. I can prove it! I have Jeremy!... But that's not much of proof is it? Haha, I made a funny. Dude, I'm pretty retarded.  
  
I walk away and back to my desk, wondering how Farris knew about the coffee thing. I left my tea there accidentally on purpose. And now, James is once again by my desk.  
  
"Honestly Potter, your desk is on the other side of the floor," I say. I'm actually amused by him. He's always coming here.   
  
"Honestly Evans, it's quite boring on the other side of the floor," he replies. He looks a bit smug.   
  
"Why, Lily, weren't you going to get something to drink?" he asks innocently. I look at him suspiciously. Oh.. I get it now. He wants me to go away to tell Sirius more on Serene. No! The Farris thing! It was _him_! Little slips! Damn you Potter!!!  
  
"You_ told_ Farris about her coffees?!" I demand. My answer? One wicked grin. Before I could reply, an owl comes for me. With a packagae. That's odd. Why would I be getting a package?  
  
I take out the envolope and slowly tearing it. James is watching with suspicion and curiosity. He has a wand out in the ready.   
  
"Really James, is a wand neccessary?" I ask dully.   
  
"You'd never know who it's from. Better safe than stupid," he answers. Okay, that was logical. But I knew that. I'm an auror too. My wand just so happens to be behind all the piles of paper.  
  
I take out the letter and exhale a breath that I've unconsciencely been holding. It's from Jeremy. Oh. It's fom _Jeremy_. I skim through the letter without much interest. I mean, how interesting can that guy be? But what am I saying? I agreed to be his girlfriend. I must be pretty dull myself. I look to the parcel and tear it. James still has his wand out. I unwrap the box and pull out a cute t-shirt that says 'May I help You?'. I let out a laugh. For a boring person, Jeremy does know his gifts (sometimes). Now, Serene has finally come up. She gives James a look which he doesn't return and sits back at her desk.  
  
"Who's that from?" James asks, sounding uncertain. I look up at him and smile.  
  
"Jeremy," I tell him. He makes a face.  
  
"Who's Jeremy?"  
  
"My boyfriend." Is it just me, or did his face suddenly drop three notches?   
  
"Attention please!" roars a sudden voice. Everyone in the office looks up to see Moody limping our way. He looks serious, with his brow all muffled. "We have a Death Eater attack amongst us."  
  
I've never known the office to be this silent. And silence its the loudest noise.  
  
"A Death Eater asttack?" asks someone from my left weakly. Quincy Moran, one of the shyest people in our office asked that.  
  
"Yes," replies Moody gravely. "It's my regret to say, that the Sullivens are gone. They fought a noble fight." And with that, he sighed and limped away. But before reaching his own office, he turns around. "Potter, Black, Longbottoms, Parapara and Evans!" he suddenly barks. "In my office! _NOW!_"  
  
James, Sirius, Frank, Alice, Serene and I all look at each other. What the fuck did we do? Why do I have this feeling like we're going to be in deep shit? 


	6. In or out?

a/n: YAY US! haha; you won't get it.  
  
disclaimer: i'm ultimate cool   
  
Don't freak out, Lily, don't freak out. I'm walking to Moody's office. I've been in his office countless of times. Okay fine! Just twice, but still. I didn't do anything wrong did I? Oh my god! Farris told on me! She is SUCH a little kid! This is so unfair! I glance around at the other five; and they all look as nervous as I do (hence James). I look over to the Longbottoms. Just recently married. They were two years ahead of us in school and were former Gryffindors. Very nice people. I simply adore Alice. She's the biggest sweetheart. And Frank is such an awful big help. There was this one time where on my first day, I was having trouble finding the auror training floor and I accidentally slipped into the Muggle Artifacts place. Luckily, Frank was there visiting a man called Arthur Weasley and recognized me. The embarassing part was the Mr Weasley, who's actually a pure-blood, has no clue to what some things are. So he asked me what a pen was. The embarassing bit being that he wanted to try it out and accidentally swiped it on me. And i was left with a big blue slash on my forehead. And I tottally forgot I was a witch on that day and the pen couldn't wash off, so I was stuck with it. Terrible.  
  
We've now officially reached Moody's office. He's just sitting there, looking a bit pale and uncertain. He doesn't even look up as we walk in. We each find seats on the couch - well, everyone except me. I stand there beside Serene who's shaking so badly. We look expectantly at Moody but he still hasn't looked up. Then we look at each otherand giving each other looks that say 'what the FUCK?!'. Finally, Frank, being so brave, speaks up. "Uh, Mr Moody Sir, is there a problem?"  
  
Now he looks up. Wow, he looks sad. And a touch regretful. I wonder why.  
  
"Yes Longbottom. There IS a problem," Moody replies strainedly. "Death Eater attacks. It hasn't donned upon us until now. And we must take this seriously."  
  
Well, of course we must take this seriously. But what is this fogey getting at?  
  
"So Moody," Sirius suddenly pipes up. "We all know that this is serious. But what exactly are you trying to tell us?"  
  
The office is so quiet. I can't bear it. Happy thoughts. Okay, I got one. My first time using magic at home, turning teacups into mice! But then Petunia starts freaking out and hitting me. That's not too happy is it? I look up at Moody, who's eyes (both normal and magical) are so intent on us it's as if he's surveying us silently. I think I took a step backward.  
  
"You fellows," he suddenly says. "You fellows are young."  
  
Us fellows are young? Of course we're young! Do we look like old badgers?! I don't think so! How insulting! One more comment and I'll rip more of your nose out!  
  
"Yes, we are," says Alice quietly. But she's staring at Moody with such concentration.  
  
"Young," Moody says. The exact thing we're looking for."  
  
He's looking for young fellows? Is it just me, or is the tension in this room rising like a cake?  
  
"WHO is looking for?" questions James. Everyone is now staring remotedly at Moody.   
  
Moody on the other hand, is looking at us. As if he's approving us; whether to send us back or let us hear his news. I personally want to go back, but as always, curiosity gets to me. He gives a big sigh. "The Order of the Phoenix."  
  
Okay, The Order of the WHAT?! Phoenix?! Okay, this guy is sooo crazier than I thought. He used to be cool. This time, he's really off his cooker. Order of the Phoenix. Pshhh!  
  
"The Order," he continues on looking at me as if he knew exactly what I was just thinking. "The Order of the Phoenix had just been founded recently by Albus Dumbledor himself."  
  
"But... that doesn't really explain what it IS, does it?" James asks uncertainly. He's fidgeting in his seat. Wow. He's nervous! I guess there are firsts for everything right?  
  
"The Order of the Phoenix is a... you can call it a guild," Moody says.  
  
"A GUILD?" Serene repeats.  
  
"Yes, a guild. Or a club, a group; whichever you like. It is a group of people gathering together descretely to fight off Voldemort."   
  
At the sound of the name, everyone in the room aside from Moody shudders like mad. I'm so freaked out by the mention that I topple over on Serene. She doesn't seem to have noticed because she's too scared herself. Moody scowls at us. "It's just a name. And every one of you will be aurors. Learn to use it; fear of the name increases fear of the thing itself."  
  
That's true. There was this one time - before I found out about being a witch - that I was eight, and in my school, there was this big chunky kid called Big Mo. Everyone was so scared of him, and they wouldn't even speak his name. I mean, it might sound stupid now, but it was pretty scary back then. He used to take my lunch for Merlin's sake!  
  
"And why exactly are you telling us about this?" Frank asks impatiently.   
  
Moody seems to give Frank a big stare. And silence is aroudn the room. I REALLY hate awkward silences. Moody now clears his throat. "The Order is a secret. Only people who are invited get to join. Everyone inside is sworn to secrecy."  
  
"You didn't really answer my question."  
  
"Oh, but didn't I? I just said members are accepted only by invitation. People are sworn to secrecy. If people were sworn to secrecy, why would I be mentioning all this to you?"  
  
Okay, input awkward silence yet again. But actually, that old bugger's got us all thinking. Why would he be telling us if he's sworn to secrecy? Members are only eligibale by invitation... Oh my god! Is he asking us to JOIN?!  
  
"Are you asking us to join?" I voice the question everyone's been dying to ask.  
  
And once again, he's staring at us with a hard lock. "Yes, I am asking you to join. We need as many people as possible."  
  
"But, why US?" Serene asks.  
  
"Because, all six of you show extraordinary powers through your training. You're youthful, fast, lithe and alert. And we need as many recruits."  
  
"So, we HAVE to join?" Sirius asks.  
  
"No, you do not have to join. Myself and Dumbledore do not wish you to make a choice unwillingly. I'm asking you to join; to actually join is up to yourselves."  
  
"And we're suppossed to tell you here, right on the spot?" James asks with disbelief. Moody nods.  
  
Okay, how am I suppossed to make a decision of a lifetime right here in this office? How can I think clearly? This is so stupid! I dont know if I should join or not. I look around at the others who are deep in thought. Sirius looks a bit confident and seems to be wanting to join. Serene looks utterly freaked out and extremely stressed. Franks and Alice have moved aside to discuss, and James has his head in his hands. Okay, lets do it this way Lily. Positive and Negative.   
  
Positive:  
  
- I get to be in a guild!!   
  
- I can help out people  
  
- I can stop evil  
  
- People will look up to me  
  
- Voldemort will have a worse chance of rising to power  
  
Negative:  
  
- no garauntees of living through it all  
  
- no time for a normal social life  
  
- won't ever have time for a boyfriend  
  
- won't get married  
  
- won't have a daughter  
  
Okay... I don't know! I want to get married! I want a daughter! I want to stop evil and ruin Voldemort's plans! I don't know what to do!  
  
"I'm in," says a voice. Everyone looks up abruptly and see Sirius with a grave face. Moody nods. Now he looks around the room and his eyes land on Frank.  
  
"Alice and I," he starts, taking big breaths and looking still a bit weary. "Alice and I have come to a decision to accept your invitation. And it is a complete honour."  
  
Okay, now he's onto James.  
  
"Errm..." James trails off. "I don't know. This is the first independant decision I'm making that will actually affect my life forever. But if it means that I will be fighting to protect others, count me in."  
  
He's accepting? Wait - why do I care? Focus on your own choice. It's Serene's turn.  
  
"I... Yes. I'm in," she suddenly states firmly, though her voice is quivering. Oh great. It's my turn and everyone is staring at me. I can't answer.   
  
"Well, Miss Evans?" Moody asks.   
  
"I accept!" I squeak without thinking. Oh my god! What have I just gotten myself into? Oh my god, oh my god; OH - MY - GOD!!!!  
  
"Thank you for accepting," Moody says, interrupting my thoughts. He stands up and suddenly hands each of us a folded up piece of paper. "These are directions to the hideout of the Order. This Sunday, 6:00pm SHARP. Follow the instructions carefully, and make sure you read them right. And do NOT tell anyone any of this. When you get out of my office, tell them that you were sent on an assignmetn together. No one will suspect it as I hand out assingments regularly."  
  
All of us nod together as we stifly march out of his office. Serene stumbles a bit and loses her footing, but Sirius catches her. She really does seem titchy. She can't even walk without support. Luckily Sirius is holding firmly onto her arm. I glance over to James and am quite surprised to see him staring at me.  
  
"You okay there Lily?" he asks softly. No, I'm not okay. But what am I suppossed to say? I'm an auror. I'm suppossed to be brave. I nod and look away. Apparantly, no one is concerned about us, as everyone's still trying to take in the death of the Sullivens. And I'm glad no one's giving us any questions because I personally do not want any. I don't want to talk to anyone! I'm never going to be my old self again. But I want to be normal! I want to go home and eat a tub of ice cream infront of the telly. I want to spend all my money on clothes and accessories. I want a marriage! I want a family! I want out of this mess!  
  
-----  
  
It's now officially Sunday. Sunday, 5:30pm. Serene, Sirius, James and I have decided to go to the meeting together; and we're to meet at my place at 5:30. Everyone's here right now; infact they're quite prompt - something I would never think that Sirius and James would be. Constance isn't here. She's actually been missing since 4:00. I don't know what's so important but she seemed rushed when she was getting out of the house.  
  
"So," Serene says. "Let's see what message is actually given to us in this sheet of paper." She unfolded the paper and read out loud. "You may find the Order of the Phoenix at Number 87 Thindrow Alley". She looked up expectantly at us. "I suppose this house is in Surrey."  
  
"We're suppossed to go to this address," says Sirius. "I wonder what this place looks like."  
  
"It's a house, Sirius."  
  
"I know, but what KIND of house?"  
  
I too am wondering what kind of house this is. Is it gonna be big and creepy? I'm afraid of the dark! Oh great. You remember AFTER you agree to this. But I'm an auror. I'm not suppossed to be afraid of the dark. I just coincidentally am. Heh. Pretty stupid for an auror-to-be huh?   
  
"If I'm correct, it should take about twenty minutes to get there by foot," James says, and everyone turns to him. "And I'm too nervous to stay here and do nothing. Let's set out on foot."  
  
There are murmurs of agreement from Sirius and Serene. But I'm too scared to move. I don't want to go! I never even decided upon it! The answer just poppoed out and I said the wrong one! But I can't back out of this now can I? Moody has faith in me. Might as well go for the hell of it.  
  
So now, I'm locking my door. And now I'm walking onto the pavement. Sadly, my legs feel like lead. Don't worry about me - I'll slowly make my way to.. Thindrow Alley. I think I passed it once. If I remember correctly, it's quite a didgy place. Why would the Order be in a place like THAT? Hmmm... well, Dumbledore was always a dodgy one himself. Cool but dodgy.  
  
Twenty minutes of walking is not good for stiff legs. I can't even feel them anymore. I had to get help from Constance, who seemed to be having the same dilema as myself. We supported each other all through the walk, while the guys walked behind us making jokes. I don't see what's so funny about this. And now we're at this stupid Thindrow Alley. I'm right - it's IS dodgy. With old, rusting dingy houses and cracked pavement. James and Sirius search for number 87, but they can't find it. After five minutes of frantic search, they give up.  
  
"I don't get this!" mutters Sirius in distress. "This is Thindrow Alley! I don't see no 87!"   
  
At the mention of 87, I could've sworn that the Alley go a bit bigger. But it's just my imagination. Maybe it's like an oasis; I'm so tired and it was like walking in a cold desert back there.  
  
"Well, maybe 87 is just... further down," replies James doubtedly.  
  
Once again, the scenery changed at the mention of 87. This is so weird... I take out the piece of paper and thinkt to myself; 'You may find the Order of the Phoenix at Number 87 Thindrow Alley'. Oh my god! It's actually there! This place is weird. Small; but cozy. I walk up to the door and am about to reach the bell until James stops me.  
  
"Lily, what the fuck are you doing?" he asks in a puzzled voice. I smile up at him.  
  
"I'm entering the house James. Duh!" I tell him. Everyone looks at me as though I'm crazy.  
  
"Nothing's there."  
  
"If nothing was here, why would I be standing here?"  
  
"Because you're pulling a crazy stunt on us."  
  
"No, I'm not! Think about it you guys!"  
  
"We're thinking, and we're thinking that there's nothing here."  
  
"NO!! THINK about it! Think about what Serene read back at the house! Just THINK about it!"  
  
A few seconds later, everyone sees it. They're all flabbergasted. And it's 5:59. Okay... oh my god, I can't do this. I look expectantly at Sirius who's beside me and let him ring the bell. It's rung. And I'm still cowering and shaking like mad. And out of nowhere, Frank and Alice are right behind us. This is getting exciting.  
  
Suddenly, I hear a small creak of the door and a electric blue eye appears.   
  
"Hang on a second," says a gruff voice behind the door. Unmistakenly Moody. He slowly pulls the door open and we're in. We're actually in the house. And We're actually part of the Order. Oh. My. God.

* * *

i (ms buggers) have decided to go on a writing hiatus for this week, as i have developed a very sad cough and cold. i dont know how, seeing as it's summer, but this year's weather seems to be going from cold to hot to cold again. also, i'll be expecting family - my big cousin's here and i havent seen him in three years. i do wish to have a nice catch up. unfortunately, i must leave this for the remainder of the week and maybe the week after; but seeing as no one reads it, i might as well just stop right here.


	7. Burnt hands and knowing

**a/n:** dear mackenzie; thank you for apologizing. yes, i'm immature; and no, i didn't plagerise. i have no clue to what story you're talking about. and i dont know what i should be hiding from you aside from the fact that you have no stories. and no, i wouldnt yell at interviewers if they called my stuff bad. i would make sure they see that its not plagerising. but i cannot put all this blame on you because i was being a crucial bitch. but i cant help who i am.  
  
**ANYWAYSSSSS _MS BUGGERS_ IS BACK! YAY!!** _(and check out the other stuff written by mr nutters! very good)_. My cough and cold have subsided a bit, but the nazal congestion is still there. anyways, chapter seven might not be the best of chapters, but be thankful that i've actually written something for you; seeing as i do want to stop. my chapter eight makes up for this sleazy chapter.  
  
**disclaimer:** i don't plagerise.

* * *

I'm completely awed. No words decribe it. Okay, I just used awed. But you get the gist don't you? I mean, sure the place looks gross on the outside; but the inside is gorgeous! It's like a fricken mansion! Marvelous! I wish I lived in something like this. It's practically heaven.  
  
As I pause and take in all the sights around me, I feel someone give me a small little push. I turn around to see that I'm actually infront of the line and should really start moving. Moody ushers us into the kitchen which I must say is very grand. But it's the people there that surprise me most. Around a table, sitting on counters, lounging by the walls are a whole group of Order members. There's this old guy I don't recognize, and another guy a don't recognize. Oh, and here's a person I don't recognize. Golly! But then I start seeing people I _do_ recognize. The Prewetts, Mrs Figg, and to my surprise, Damien. What on _earth _is Damien doing here?! And in coming through the door is Constance. She smiles and gives me a wave. I'm about to go to her when Moody shoves us to the side where, coincidentally, Remus Lupin and (gasp) Peter Pettigrew are.  
  
When the hubub dies down, Moody clears his throat, turns to face us and speaks. "Welcome, newest members, to the Order of the Phoenix. This is a a secret club.. er.. thingy to fight against Voldemort." A woman sitting on the counter gives an unvolunteering shriek. Moody rolls his eyes and conitnues on. "Now, you shall never reveal the hideout to the Order. Any word of us leaks out to Voldemort, I will _personally_ make sure that you won't ever be able to speak another word ever again. Now, please, if you all would kindly place your hands ontop of this Phoenix figurine..."  
  
Wow, a phoenix figurine! It's absolutely beautiful! Wow, I really feel accepted in here! This is so cool. I put my hand on the phoenix which is actually very warm. When James, being the last person in line, places his hand on the phoenix, it suddenly starts to glow and get even warmer. Moody starts to mutter some sort of chant, and as he chants louder, the hotter the phoenix grows. I'm the first hand on it, and it's practically burning off my skin! Ow!!! This stupid phoenix! It's burning me like a bitch!! I didn't come for this. I turn around to see that the others are feeling the same intense heat I am. Oh. Well, stupid bitchass phoenix! My hands will be ruined! Cream! I need hand cream! Damnit!  
  
As I'm about to burst out in pain, the heat stops. Moody looks up at us and grins. "Well, you're official members. And you've been on an oath. Secrets not to be told to anyone."  
  
I'm quite tipped off. My palm is hurting like crazy. I think I'm going to cry. Yes, I can't take too much pain. But being an auror, I must endure it. And this crazy burn will be nothing to what I'll be in for. Or what people warn me I'll be in for... Not cool. I hope I won't be into anything too dangerous. Why can't I have just applied to being a healer?! Oh sighh...  
  
"Moony!" exclaims Sirius, envoloping Remus in a big bear hug. "Long time no see!" Those two seem happy. And now James joins their little queue. They seem so close. I look over to Peter. He seems to be on the outskirts. I feel so sorry for him. People don't seem to like him much. But I do try to make an effort to be his friend (Okay, fine. I don't). He's too shy sometimes. I'm about to go over and make small talk when Constance suddenly grabs me and hugs me out of nowhere.  
  
"Lily!" she shireks. "I can't believe you're a member now! This is so great! More recruits!" As happy as she is saying it, I can tell she seems worried. Who wouldn't be, being in a secret gang fighting against Voldemort?  
  
"Yeah... Hey. When did _you_ become a member?" I ask. Her face drops a bit.  
  
"I became a member five weeks after graduation actually."  
  
"_FIVE WEEKS?!_"  
  
"Yes, well, Damien was in it, and then I guess he suggested that Dumbledor put me in it. They said someone in Arithmancy might be good. Numbers and all..."  
  
I take a close look at my bestfriend. She seems unatural in this enviroment. I suddenly realize how thin she's gotten since our graduation, how she's shrunk a bit; and how she's grave. How she had to grow up faster than the rest of us. All this pressure built on her because of her boyfriend. I can't really blame Damien. I mean, he suggested to Dumbledore. But his suggestion cursed her for life. She used to be the beauty of Hogwarts. And what's she now? A shrivelled up prune with limp hair and tired eyes. I don't know why she's not with Remus. He'd make her happy! I know he would; he's never inflict this sort of burden upon her. He'd take it for himself. Damien's so selfish sometimes.  
  
"Okay people," calls Moody once again. "Meeting!"  
  
------  
  
The meeting wasn't so bad. I'm back home now, where I'm sitting on the couch with a nice cup of tea. Anyway, at the meeting, we talked about our duties, positions, and spying. I wasn't exactly remotely interested. I just sort of sat there thinking about my bridesmaid dress I'll be wearing in.. two weeks. Wow. Two weeks and my bestfriend will be married. Two weeks and I'll be living alone. Two weeks and I'll be reminded that I am nowhere near marriage myself. Oh well... Anyways, thinking about my dress cheers me right up. Since it's a muggle theme, I got a Donna Karan dress which is absolutely beautiful (but not as great as the bride's dress of course).  
  
Constance seems so fidgety these days. She shouldn't worry. I mean, Damien's right for her. Well, he's okay for her. But I can't just go in and stop them from getting married can I? No, I can't; that's Remus' job. He most likely won't do anything - he's too soft. Damn softies. They ruin everything! If only they'd ruin weddings. But _no_! That's one thing they won't ruin! I'm so mad right now.  
  
"Hey Lily," says a voice from the hall. I look over to see Constance walking towards me with a confused face. She really does look confused. I don't know why; usually, women are so happy when they're about to get married. It's most often that the men get cold feet.  
  
"What's wrong?" I ask, getting up from my seat and going into the kitchen where she just headed to. I haul myself to the fridge and take out a piece of chicken. Man, do I love chicken. You know how everyone says that everything tastes like chicken? So what exactly does chicken taste like? I've always wondered that.  
  
Constance looks up at me. She looks like she's ready to cry. "Lily, do you think I'm making the right choice?"  
  
Do I think she's making the right choice? Hell no I dont! "Of course I do Constance. I'm behind you every step of the way."  
  
"What if... What if I'm making the wrong decision? Will I be happy? I'm not one for divorce, Lily! If I make one wrong turn, it will screw me over for the rest of my life! I don't know what to do!"  
  
Wow, I guess she is in a dilema. It's quite easy to feud with Damien. I've had an argument with him once. And since then, we've been a bit stiff aroudn each other. We were arguing about Constance of course. How he wanted them to move to France, but I wanted them to stay. Stupid guy, making my best friend move away. Of course, Constance decided to stay. And then he wouldn't speak to either of us for two weeks. What a loser.  
  
"Constance, you're not making a mistake." I bend over to fetch a fresh box of tissues from the cupboard. "You love the guy, so you'll make the right decision."  
  
The room becomes silent. I glance back over to her, and she seems in deep thought. She does love the guy right?  
  
"You do love him, don't you?" I ask uncertainly. She doesn't look up. Neither does she speak up. Oh great. She's getting married in two weeks and now she realizes she doesn't love him? What a waste of money!  
  
"I - I guess so..." she trails off. What kind of an answer is _that?_ I guess so? Of course she doesn't!  
  
"You don't," I tell her with a serious tone. She looks up at me with a sudden flame in her eyes.  
  
"Yes I do!" she replies defiantly.  
  
"No, you don't."  
  
"I do!"  
  
"You dont."  
  
She's staring at me with her angry stare. I don't like her angry stare. It's creepy you know. Like, when you have this friend who's always happy, never angry, and you'd never suspect them to ever get angry right? And then one day, they do and it blows up in your face. Sort of like Dumbledore. Well, I never expirienced Dumbledore's wrath so I wouldn't know really.  
  
"What do you know?" she asks, her voice growing dangerous.' you don't know anything! You don't know Damien! You don't know anything about love! You won't understand! You don't know Damien! You don't know!"  
  
And now she's crying. Great.  
  
I go over and sit across from her. "You're right; I don't know Damien. But neither do you."  
  
She looks up at me like what I just said had just suddenly hit her. I feel so sorry for her.  
  
She stands up and stares at the wall, completely helpless. "I don't know Damien."  
  
It's true though. Because even if they've been together for all these years, she doesn't know him. He's such a secretive person  
  
"I don't know Damien Vector," she says abruptly, turning to me. "I don't know him, but I could start to know him." And with that, she goes upstairs and locks herself in her room.  
  
So she'll start knowing him _now_? At this stage of the game? Is that a good thing? 


	8. My bestfriend's wedding

**a/n:** nazal congestion officially over. it took what... two weeks? oh well. enjoy this chapter.

**disclaimer:** .

* * *

So, here we are. At the wedding. Just minutes away from walking down the aisle. Is it just me, or is the atmosphere a bit stingy today? Oh well. As Constance predicted, it is a good day today. Sunny, good weather - altogether perfection. She looks drop dead gorgeous in her dress (which I helped pick), has her tiara ready, and is... twitching by the door. Oh well, she's anticipating to get this over with. After the episode two weeks ago, I think she's convinced herself that she does love Damien. That even if she doesn't know him that well, she'll get to know him by happily marrying him. By spending the rest of her life with him. As unbelievable as that sounds, she has me a bit convinced as well. I just hoped that she wouldn't go along with this stupid wedding. But here we are, seven minutes away from the vows.  
  
My mother comes in with the camera, and to my surprise, Petunia is right behind her. As I recall, she had said that she'd rather go scoop pig poo than come to a wedding with freaks all around. She knows Constance, and she actually likes her, but she said she couldn't stand too much of our kind in one room.  
  
"Petunia, what are you doing here?" I ask politely. She gives me her once-over look and raises an eyebrow. I wonder why, because I don't think I look horrible. In fact, I think I look pretty good. I don't mean to be all smug, but I groomed myself extra careful on this special occasion.  
  
"I've come to congratulate your friend," she replies stiffly, and goes over to Constance and wishes her well. Constance's answer is a crinkly smile along with a weird noise. My sister once again raises a brow but says nothing. My mom is flashing her camera everywhere. Honestly, my family. They can embarass me in every way possible.  
  
"Okay, Lily and Constance! In here together! By the flowers," my mother instructs us. I waltz to the spot beside the flowers while my bestfriend stumbles her way across. She gives a fake, all too gooey smile in the picture that doesn't even look like a smile. It's more of a... weird-crazy-guy look who wants to kill you and be your friend at the same time. It's sorta scary right now.  
  
As soon as my mother leaves, Constance sits down on the couch. She looks uncertain and very scared. She turns around to face me. "I'm not sure."  
  
Neither am I. "It's okay, Constance. You'll live it through. Besides, you'll get to know him, and you'll love him even more." I give her an encouraging smile. Just then, three figures in black walk through the door. James, Sirius and (gasp) Remus.  
  
"Hello ladies," Sirius says smoothly. How many times have I heard that?  
  
"Hello Sirius," Constance and I reply in monotone voices. We look at each other and Constance cracks a smile. Just like old times, minus Marisa and Guinevere. Marisa and Guinevere were our old dorm mates. I think I told you about Marisa and the mirror. Anyway, those two are... well, I honestly don't know. Nor do I care because they were quite the bitchy twosome. The only reason we hung out with them was because they were good at potions.  
  
"So, Constance," James says as he sits between myself and the bride. "How're you feeling?"  
  
I look over at Constance. I can easily answer for her. Uncertaine, confused, regretful, sad, nervous, anticipating. Not too hard, seeing as I too am feeling the exact same thing.  
  
"I'm feeling fine," she says hurriedly, which convinces every one of us that she isn't.  
  
"No you're not," Sirius says. "Look at you; you look horrible."  
  
She looks like she's about to cry. And I think she is because she's got a tear rolling down her cheek. Oh great. I give a dirty look over to Sirius. He made her cry on her wedding day! Really! How thoughtless can this bloke be? Her tears can ruin her makeup too! I'm about to make cheer her up, but Remus gets there first. He crouches infront of her and clasps his hands around her cheeks.  
  
"Don't listen to what Sirius says, he's just ignorant," Remus says, as he wipes a tear with his thumb. Constance sniffs but still locks her eyes with his. "You don't look horrible. You look beautiful. You're going to look even more beautiful when you walk down that aisle with your pretty smile. And you'll look radiant when you walk out of that room, arm in arm with the man you love." And with that he gives her a big hug which she gratefully returns. He gets up and holds out his hands. She reaches for them. They really do make a perfect couple.  
  
James looks at his watch and suddenly gives a sharp yelp. I looked over his big head and saw the time. I took give an unvoluntary yelp. Everyone looks over at us.  
  
"Wedding - one minute - gotta jet!" James shrieks, as he starts to run, grabbing both Remus and Sirius by the arm and running out of the room. But before he leaves, he suddenly makes a mad dash towards me and gives me a peck on the cheek. I stand there, completely awestruck. Wow. What was _that_ all about? He's out of the room already, but I can feel everyone's eyes on me. I shake my head and hurry towards Constance.  
  
"Ready?" I ask her, smoothing out her dress and rearranging her tiara.  
  
Her face looks ready and set. Infact, very different from before the guys came in. "Yes, I am."  
  
Okay, don't panic. This is it; the one wedding that will not only change my bestfriend's life, but mine as well. The moment where she makes the decision of a lifetime, to share her life with someone else. Someone else who is the wrong someone else.  
  
Constance's father comes towards us. The music is starting. Mr Kruberra holds out his arm for his daughter, and she takes it, holding herself poise and plastering a pretty smile. I quickly take my spot in the front, as a maid of honor does, with the other bridesmaids behind me. Serene is there as well, just right behind me. The third person is a girl named Augusta. I don't know her, but she's from some arithmancy meeting where Constance had met her. She's quite nice really.  
  
Okay, it's my cue. I'm nervous myself. What if I trip on my pretty green dress? What if I fall and land smack on my face, and then cause everyone to trip? What if my makeup gets ruined? What if Constance suddenly gets all mad at me because I ruined her important day? Oh my god! What if!!!!!  
  
I make my way slowly down the aisle, keeping my nervous smile glued to my face. I look around the room and spot my family up infront with Constance's family. My mother is still snapping pictures. I keep up my smile for the camera. I look around again and see the marauders in the second row on the bride's side of guests. My eyes flicker to James, and I'm quite surprised. He's looking intently at me and I feel my face burning. He on the otherhand, is smiling brilliantly at me. I glance again and see Jeremy, also smiling at me. I smile weakly back at him. Finally, I'm actually down that aisle. I walk up to the step behind where Constance is to stand, and hold my posture straight. Oh my god, she's about to walk down the isle. She's about to get married. Breathe Lily. Breathe.  
  
Now the music gets to the bridal march, and in comes Constance, as beautiful as Remus said she'd be. All smiles and genuinely happy. Her own stride to the front of the room seems to take no time at all, as I see her father giving his only daughter away to Damien Vector. She gives me a smile and her bouquet of flowers before turning to her very-soon-to-be husband. And now for the vows.  
  
Okay, so weddings to me are quite boring. I don't listen to anything until the 'I do' parts. I mean, what's so interesting? All people ever do is get all gushy with their exchange of vows or whatever. So here I am, standing with perfect posture, my mind away from everywhere. But it's soon going back to the room just a few mintues ago. Where James Potter gave me a kiss on the cheek. For no reason at all. He just suddenly gave me one, as if he forgot, as if it were something he did all the time. Stupid James Potter. Always making me think. I don't like thinking! It's not fair! I don't even like him! I have a boyfriend, and we're going steady. We're going to get married someday. And then we'll have the most dull life ever on the planet. Why is Jeremy such a dull person? Why can't he be exciting? Why can't he be mroe carefree? Why can't he be more funny? Why can't he be James? ... Why am I asking for someone like James? I hate his kind! Okay, I don't hate his kind. I don't even hate him anymore. Stupid little bugger is starting to grow on me. It's like... well, I guess it's like shoes. You see a pair of shoes, and you don't like them at first. But then you keep seeing that same pair in every store, and you start to like it. So you purchase a pair and slap them on. They're uncomfortable and you start hating them again until you start wearing them and you grow fond of them. Stupid James and his stupid resemblance to shoes! I love shoes! It's _so_ not fair!  
  
"Do you, Constance Winnifred Kruberra, take thee, Damien Toby Vector, to be your husband, in sickness and in health, through rich or poor, as long as you both shall live?" the priest says. This catches my attention. Constance seems frozen on the spot. Gee, I wonder how it feels to be her. Must be bad. Nevermind, I don't want to know how it'd feel. I don't ever want to. I look over to the marauders. Sirius is making eye contact with Serene, who I see is flirting back. James is actually looking at me when I catch his eye again. I feel myself give a faint smile, but I look over to Remus. He looks outwardly calm. But his eyes are locked on Constance as is he wills her to say no. I see Damien give her a squeeze on the hands as he smiles down upon her. She looks up and as about to answer when...  
  
Shrieks erupt from the stands. My head whips around and I too let out a scream. Surrounding the entire room are about thirty Death Eaters. This is totally scary. I can't even move. Everyone is scurrying; some manage to get away while others are captured. I look over to where my family is, and I see them rushed away by the Kruberras. Serene is running away, wand out, and she and Sirius jet off somewhere.  
  
"Lily!" I hear my name. I turn around to see Constance, trying to grab a hold of me, but Damien whisks her away in his arms and carries her away from danger. "_LILY!_" she shrieks, but Damien seems to not notice. I'm frozen on the spot, not knowing what to do. My bestfriend is going to be safe. My parents are going to be safe. My family left me. As did my bestfriend. Even my own boyfriend saved himself before me. Unlike Damien who carried Constance off to safety.  
  
"_LILY!_" Constance screams again, wrenching herself out of Damien's grasp. He yells at her but she doesn't seem to care. A Death Eater approached her and said a spell. Damien's long gone by now, but I see Remus sprinting half way across the room and scooping her up. And now he too runs away, but looks at someone and nods. I can't see who he looked at, but they're more important than me obviously.  
  
I don't know what to do. I'm scared. In the background, people are screaming and yelling, trying to find lost children and family, while others are screaming and yelling out of pure terror. I see a Death Eater approach me. He's less than a meter away from me.  
  
"Such a pretty little thing. Too bad you must be sacrificed," he said, as he started to reach an arm out towards me. I flinch away. "Don't worry little wench. I'll put you to good use before I put you to sleep." He's about to grab me when I feel a strange familiar hand yank me away first.  
  
"Oh no you don't!" says a voice behind me as I feel my body slam against theirs. It's James. Wow, perfect timing. "Stupefy!"  
  
The Death Eater falls down and all I can do is stand. "Come on, Lily!" James says urgently. "We don't have enough time! We need to get out of here!"  
  
I can't move. I can't breathe. I'm about to faint, but James catches me before I do. I feel his arms suddenly whack my legs and soon he's carrying me away from the mayhem. I can hardly see where he's taking me, but I know I'm safe. I can trust James... most of the time. Okay, sometimes. Okay fine! I can trust James in serious situations like these. I think. I can't think right now!  
  
Before I know what's happening, I'm being dropped onto a hard couch and having my head bump onto the hard armrest. I hear a click of a lock and a mutter of spells, but I'm too fazed to understand anything.  
  
"Lily!" says a voice in my ear. Boy, does that sting. I probably flinched. "Lily! Come on! Don't die out on me!"  
  
I forcefully open my eyes and a sudden headache flows through me. I don't even know why. I wasn't touched or anything. James' face is inches away from my own with a look of deep concern. Shouts and booms can be heard from outside of the doors. I think James knew what I was thinking because he said something about putting a strong shield and non-apparating spells on it. I guess I'm quite relieved...  
  
"Where are my parents?" I suddenly say, catching him offguard as I quickly sit up. "Where are my parents? What about my sister? Is Constance okay?! I hope they're okay! If they're not -"  
  
"It's okay Lily," he says in a soothing tone. "The Kruberras took your family; don't worry because they're pretty good aurors. Damien tried to take Constance but she escaped to rescue you. Sadly, she was hit by some spell but luckily, Remus took her to safety. He motioned for me to come get you. I would've gotten you much quicker but this guy started to whimper and whine and worry a lot."  
  
Worry? Whine? Sounds familiar. "How tall was this guy?"  
  
"Around my height."  
  
"With brown hair?"  
  
"And specs."  
  
"That would be Jeremy."  
  
"Your boyfriend?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"He worries a lot."  
  
"Did he mention me?"  
  
"If he did, I wasn't listening."  
  
"Obviously not."  
  
Boy do I feel deflated. My own boyfriend cares about himself than me. That's a bit selfish isn't it? I wonder where he is. Wait, no, I don't. I don't care where the fuck he's at.  
  
"Don't worry Lily. I put a silencing charm on him and sent him off with Sirius."  
  
Is that suppossed to be comforting? I don't think so. Is it that comforting to have your boyfriend alone with Sirius Balck? What if he spills out all my embarassing things to him? A sudden big boom comes from outside, making the room shake. And suddenly it hits me. We're going to die. Right here, right now. In this very room. James Potter is the last person I might ever see. It doesn't matter if my embarassing moments come out.  
  
I grab James' shoulders with my arm and stare at him intently. "My name is Lily Annalise Evans and I am nineteen years old."  
  
"Okay... what the fu - " James says but I cut him off.  
  
"I have never once in my life accomplished something to be proud of."  
  
"Uh, Lily - "  
  
"I hate my life. I don't want to lose my bestfriend. I'm jealous of Serene and her nice features. I hate my red hair. I hate being five foot eight! I wish I were shorter. I don't like having a stomache. I want to be able to run longer distances. I'm an auror, and I hate it! I wanted to be a healer, but my potions marks weren't high enough!!"  
  
"Lily, what are you getting at?"  
  
"I lost my virginity to some guy I don't even know, and it was bad. I had a crush on Remus, but that's been long over. I want Remus to end up with Constance. I always thought that Marisa was a superficial bitch. Peter Pettigrew scares the shit out of me but I still try to be his friend."  
  
"You liked Remus?! When wa this - "  
  
"I didn't want to be a Prefect, but I wanted to be Head Girl. I hated that ravenclaw girl for making Head Girl instead of me. I was never good at potions. I failed a charms test once."  
  
"You _failed charms_- "  
  
"There was this one time where Jeremy and I had our first kiss and I accidentally bit his lip. I don't have anything against Jeremy at all. He's a decent person and a nice friend, but I honestly can't see myself going anywhere with him. I want to be in love. I want to have what Constance has. Sometimes, I'm jealous of Constance too."  
  
"Errr..."  
  
"Even if I put up a strong front when people call me a Mudblood, it really does hurt. Sometimes I even feel like crying. That's why I work extra hard in every way possible. My parents still treat me like a little kid. They'll always put me second. My cousins are all scared of me. I sometimes hate being the only witch in my family. I can't stand Petunia and her stupid fiancee."  
  
"Oh, Lily..."  
  
"Although Constance and I have maintained a nice and strong friendship, there are times where I feel that everything's on her side. She's pretty, she has a good job, she's getting married, she's pureblood. She has everything handed to her on a plate while I work to get my fair share."  
  
"I appreciate your hardwork."  
  
"Sometimes, when Jeremy takes me out on dates, he never lets me pick my order. He assumes we both like the same thing."  
  
"Maybe he just wants to spare you the effort to read menus?"  
  
"We're completely opposite. He likes blue; I like green. He likes classical music, and I like pop and rock. Whoever said opposites attract are so wrong."  
  
"Well, it works for others - "  
  
"I don't know what I'm doing with myself most of the time."  
  
I take a deep breath and put my head in my hands. I wasn't exactly aware of what I've just spilled out to James, but whatever it was that I said, I'm sure relieved to have it off my chest. He looks at me with pity and I immediately scowl. I don't appreciate pity. I do NOT need to be pitied on!  
  
"Wow, do you hear that?" he suddenly says, turning away from me, his ear in the direction of the door. I cock my ears too, but I don't hear anything. My hearing must've been infected by the booms. Oh geez! I hope I'm not deaf! Please don't let me be deaf! I don't want to be deaf! What if I lose my job?! Don't panic, Lily...  
  
"Do you hear that?" James repeats. No, I don't hear anything! Okay, NOW panic.  
  
"I can't hear anything! I've gone deaf!" I yell in woe. This is not good. Not good at all. My self esteem is so going to drop like a brick.  
  
"Exactly!" he exclaims with a smile on his face. Exactly?! What the hell is that suppossed to mean?  
  
"Bloody hell, James! I've gone deaf! I can't hear anything!" I says, shaking him by the shoulder, but he seems to be laughing.  
  
"You're not deaf silly," he explains, prying himself away form me. "You can hear me perfectly now can't you? What I mean is, you can't hear anything outside! Which means that we've got help and we're not in danger anymore!"  
  
"You mean... you mean we're not going to die?" I ask in a frenzy.  
  
"We're not going to die."  
  
The words ring in my head. _We're not going to die._ I am so relieved right now. I can practically collapse in the chair, but James pulls me up.  
  
"Come on Lily," he says as he finally has me on my feet. "Let's not be lazy. We're going to be aurors. Even if there is still a bit of trouble outside, it wouldn't hurt to help."  
  
He's right. I'm going to become an auror, whether I like it or not. And that's my future. To help others. To defend the Order. To defend innocent. To be a hero!... I seriously need to stop that. I'm a coward, I'm scared. My fear of dying comes back again, but I have no time to dwell on it; James has already taken me by the hands and is running towards the wedding scene. And let me tell you, it might be easy for him to run, but he's not the one in a silk green dress that's a bit tight around the legs. I can hardly move them. And these damn heels are killer. I pull him back suddenly, and take off my stupid shoes. If I step on anything, at least I'll be able to run.  
  
Okay, so we've arrived right to the middle of the room, where I can see that around thirty Death Eaters trapped in the centre with Moody and many aurors I don't recognize.  
  
"You'll never catch us Moody," one Death Eater spat. It's kind of scary. I hold on tightly to James' arms. He seems scared himself as he pulls me closer.  
  
"Ouch!" I hiss at James. When he pulled me closer, our heads bumped. He doesn't seem to notice. Well, that's no biggie; his head needs deflating.  
  
A Death Eater must have heard me because one turns towards me. As I looked carefully at him, I recognize him. He's the one that threatened me. I immediately shiver with fear, and he sees it.  
  
"No worries my pet," the Death Eater says to me. I take a step backwards. "Next time, I'll have you. All of you."  
  
He's going to have _all_ of me?! Okay, _now_ I'm scared! I think I'm crying because I feel something rolling down my cheeks. I hide behind James, as he is the closest thing to me right now. He turns around to me and wraps me in a big hug. Well, at least he's not completely thick.  
  
James turns back to the Death Eater after he releases me. "Over my dead body you will."  
  
The Death Eater grins evilly at him. "That will be quite soon. I promise you." And with that, every single Death Eater vanished. The whole room is hushed.  
  
'This is an _OUTRAGE!_" yells Moody into the sacred silence. "They can't apparate outta here! I placed an anti-apparation jinx!"  
  
"Calm down, sir," says one of the women aurors that I don't know. "They're Death Eaters. They have their ways."  
  
Moody seems to be grumbling, and he motions the aurors towards him. They seem to be huddled together and suddenly, they too vanish. I'm still breathing hard from shock. I can't help it.  
  
"Lily, are you okay?" James asks gently as he just turned back to me. I nod silently. I'm crying again, but this time, I've finally let the flow come out.  
  
"We didn't die Jmaes," I say. "We didn't die today, but we will."  
  
"But Lily, everyone dies eventually."  
  
"I know that! But, with all this shit going on, what if we don't live to see our grandchildren?"  
  
James is suddenlt smirking. I can't believe that ass. He's smirking at this time of crisis?!  
  
"_Our_ grandchildren? Did you just say _our_ grandchildren? As in they belong to the both of us?" he suddenly asks, his smile increasing.  
  
"No you git!" I say, scowling at him. "What I mean is, will we live long enough to see the next generation, and the generation after that?"  
  
"When you say the next generation, you mean the child that _we'll _have?"  
  
I'm about to explode, but am saved to answer as I see Constance and Serene running towards me.  
  
"Lily!" they both shriek at me. I get up and the three of us envolope each other in a tight hug.  
  
"I'm so glad you're not hurt!"  
  
"Where _were_ you?!"  
  
"I was so scared that we wouldn't make it!"  
  
The three of us kept muttering nonsense at each other, hugging and crying at the same time, until we hear a clucking sound. We all turn around to see James, Sirius and Remus looking at us confused and disgusted.  
  
"Women! Honestly!" Sirius exclaims, though he's smiling.  
  
"You don't have to like us," Serene suddenly says to him. I gog at her. Since when does she speak willingly to Sirius? Uh - _never!_  
  
"I can't help liking _you_, Serene," he replies smoothly. Serene seems to blush. Constance, James, Remus and I roll our eyes. Really, how long are we suppossed to hear this shit for?  
  
Every wedding guest seems to be emerging from wherever they were hiding. Luckily, no one's been hurt. I look frantically around in search for my parents, when I spot them with the Kruberras.  
  
"Mom! Dad!" Constance and I yell together as we run towards our families. I hug both my parents while Petunia stays close by, with a strained look on her face.  
  
"Lily, what _were_ those things?" my mother says, looking at me with great concerns.  
  
"They're nothing, mom. We're all here, we're not hurt. And that's all that matters," I reply, glad and relieved that they weren't hurt one bit.  
  
I look around the room once more, seeing friends and families hugging each other in relief and love. I see Damien sprinting across the room to give Constance a hug, while lifting and spinning her around. A pang hits me as I remember that Damien didn't even let Constance come and rescue her best friend. I think Constance feels it too as she pushes herself off from him. If he's taken aback, he doesn't show it. I see all my friends standing with Constance, giving her continuous hugs. I think I'll go back to them too.  
  
"If you don't mind," Damien suddenly shouts, cupping his hands around his mouth to project his voice, while I'm halfway across the room to my friends. "We'd like to continue the ceremony please. So if everyone could get back into their positions."  
  
A mad scramble comes to the room as everyone rushes back to their seats and places at the altar. My family, James Sirius and Remus hurry back to their seats, while Serene and Augusta take their seats in the front pew. I place myself neatly behind Constance.  
  
"Anyways," says the priest. "On with the ceremony. Do you, Constance Winnifred Kruberra, take thee, Damien Toby Vector, to be your husband, in sickness and in health, through rich or poor, as long as you both shall live?"  
  
I hold my breath, waiting for Constance to answer, but she once again takes her time. Why is she deciding nust now? She had well over three months to decide! But _now?!_  
  
Constance looks up at Damien and breathes deeply. "I have been with you, Damien Toby Vector, for the past four years in a relationship. Throughout these years, I've learned as much about you as I possibly can. I've learnt that you prefer dress shoes to sneakers. That your favourite vegetables are carrots and peas. That you prefer non-fiction to fiction."  
  
Everyone in the room is looking intently at Constance. What is she getting at?  
  
"Fiction and non-fiction are quite different," she continues. Damien's smile seems to falter a bit. "And I seem to be living in the fiction world. For the past four years, I saw only what I wanted to. I heard only what I wanted to. I believed that my life would become a fairytale. But right now, non-fiction has hit me."  
  
Everyone seems to be muttering to each other. I look over to Serene and Augusta who seem to be discussing quietly about what Constance had just said. James and Sirius see me and give me a shrug. Remus on the otherhand, seems glued to the scene, with the tiniest of smiles playing around his lips.  
  
"I do love you Damien," Constance states. "But the thing is, I don't know you well enough to love you fully. Sure, I know that you have a mole on your right arm, that you're five foot ten. I know that you hate dirty dishes. I know little scraps of you. But I don't know the details."  
  
Damien's smile seems to be gone right now. I can see his hands trembling as he holds on to Constance, gripping her.  
  
She looks up sadly at him. "I'm sorry Damien, but I can't marry you."  
  
Silenece. Yet another awkward silenece. But this time, everyone's surprised. I'm pretty surprised myself. She seemed to be so excited about getting married. She turns to the priest ad whispers something to him. Then she turns towards the crowd.  
  
"I'm sorry to place you in the great danger that happened today, for no reason at all."  
  
Now she turns to Damien. "And of course, to _you_ Damien. I'm sorry I said no. But if I said yes, I know that I wouldn't be living happily with myself. And you don't deserve a wife who only halfheartedly lives with you." She gives him a hug which he stiffly returns. "Well, I guess everything's over. No reception; sorry everybody."  
  
The crowd seems to finally grasp her point as everyone starts emerging from their seats and out the door. Damien seems completely crushed as he goes towards his family. Constance's parents as well as mine seem equally shocked. I don't blame them. I'm pretty stunned myself. James, Sirius, Remus and Serene rush towards us. But once they reach us, they're silent, looking expectedly at Constance.  
  
"What?" she asks. We're all still staring at her. "So what? I didn't get married. No biggie. I just don't want to be trapped in a mistake."  
  
The only reply she received from that was a low whistle made by Sirius. Serene hit him on the arm. Constance looks up to see Damien and runs to him. We all watch silently as she's saying something to him. I feel sorry for Damien. I mean, he really loved Constance, but I guess she didn't love him back. It needs to work both ways. Still, it's so sad. But then, we see him hug Constance willingly and then they both smile. He goes off with his family as Constance come towards us.  
  
"It's a good thing you didn't marry him, Constance," Serene says, giving Constance a look.  
  
'Yeah... Constance Vector doesn't sound that great does it?" Sirius jokes around, but I tottally agree. "Oh yeah. That guy that you left me with, James; he apparated out before we could put anti-apparation jinxes. So I have no idea to where he is."  
  
Jeremy apparated out of here? Without consulting me? But hey - I don't exactly feel that concerned. James looks at me and gives me a small smile which I return.  
  
"So," Constance says lightly, looking up at all of us. "How about we go for a drink? I'm completely vamished!"  
  
We once again stare at her, but snap out of it soon.  
  
"I agree!" James says, leading us towards the door, and grabbing me with him. I heave a sigh and let him hold onto me as we head outside, with the sun shining down on our faces. Serene and Sirius emerge after us, and we stand waiting for the other two.  
  
"I thought you loved him," Remus says, as he and Constance are walking towards the door.  
  
"I did," she replies simply, and links her arm with his.  
  
"So, why didn't you marry him?" he asks, puzzled.  
  
Constance looks up at him and smiles, just a step behind the door. "Remember that speech you gave me, Remus? The one right before I was gonna walk down the aisle? You said that I'd be walking out the door, arm in arm, with the man that I love."  
  
"Okay...?" he says still puzzled. I gasp and put my hands to my lips. James gives me a small shove, while Sirius and Serene seem to be giggling silently.  
  
"Well Remus," Constance says, taking a step towards the door. "I'm walking out that door."  
  
"Uh huh...?"  
  
"And who am I walking out with?"


	9. Birthday bash

**a/n:** oh sighhh.. how can romania lose in gymnastics.. ON THE FRIGGIN LAST EVENT?!?! oh yea.. Canada's first ever medal.. bronze. BRONZE. WHAT THE FUCK MAN!!!

enjoy this chapter; you may not think it's important but it plays out the future chapters

**disclaimer:** shut up.

* * *

Wow. This is a turn of surprise. My best friend did not get married, but she acquired a whole new boyfriend. I'm not living by myself. I have my roomie back with me again. Phew. At least I won't be lonely. It's been a whole month since the whole wedding-Death Eater scene, and I'm still healing. It's finally hit me that I'm an auror; that I need to protect others because it's my job. What a tacky job. Oh well, Mr Kurberra says that becoming an auror is a great honour which many wizards cannot achieve, that I should be thankful I got accepted. I'm thankful for working my ass off in those dumb exams they put us? Not thatnkful -_lucky_. I'm lucky. I'm not thankful for a job I hate. But... that's another story.  
  
Constance and Remus are doing fine. They really do make a great couple. The con for their relationship - they're too gushy. _Way_ too gushy. I mean, it's okay to be gushy around each other, but around everyone else? It's pretty hard to be eating when they're mutter God knows what to each other. But whatever. Because of their relationship, my friendship with Remus too is getting much stronger. And Remus is here at our house at least five times a week. Now, don't get me wrong; I don't mind Remus coming here. It's quite a blessing for him to come. I mean, this guy can cook wonders! But the thing is, sometimes he brings along James and Sirius. And now, the three of them have become regular guests at the house. Having Sirius here isn't that bad when Serene comes over. Those two are also together now, though they're still 'unofficial'. Like, seriouly. In the office, to others, they're suppossedly 'taken' by each other, but Sirius still flirts with other girls while Serene gets asked out by these weird muggle fellas. Oh well, they're meant for each other; they're both good looking, they're both huge flirts, and they're both outrageous.  
  
The bad thing about this is James Potter. James Potter hovering around me when I'm trying to cook for everyone, James Potter hovering around me, asking me how to work the kitchen appliances. James Potter, messing around with the television and causing me to come out to fix it. James Potter. Sometime, I get a headache with him hovering around everywhere. I'm only nineteen, and I'm already losing hair. I've just found a few gray strands in my hair the other day. I completely freaked out and dyed it back using muggle hair dye. And just when I was dying it, who to come on over but James and Sirius. (Sometimes they come over without Remus. Which means whenever they like.) Just as I was dying, James comes into the room, taking the bottle of dye and squeezing it onto his stupid hair. And he uses up half the stuff, so my hair was hardly coloured. Oh yeah, he started complaining that his scalp was burning like crazy, so I had to help him wash out the dye. And when I tried to wash it out, he takes the shower head and sprays me with it - when my hair wasn't finished setting. So the result? My hair was three different shades while James had a weird burgundy spot on the left side of his head. So I had to look up a stupid charm to re-colour my hair, while James laughed beside me, pointing at his own hair. That day was a miserable day.  
  
But the thing is, I'm not that irritated anymore. Like I said before, James is like a shoe. Something you can grow fond of. Something that you can no longer hate, no matter how hard you try. And you have no idea how hard I've tried. It's not working. So now, I must go ahead with my life and plant a friendship with him. Besides, having him around isn't that bad. I can always use his help. Well, usually, I have him, Remus and Sirius help me as much as I can. Like how I get groceries (the muggle way).  
  
The three of them always seem so enthusiastic to go the the local grocery store. They get ecstatic when I take them to the big grocery stores especially. The practically run up and down the aisles like little kids. Wait, even little kids think they're immature when they see them running around the place. Although I usualy tell them to quit it, I sometimes can't help but join them running up and down, messing up cans and jars. Those three are infectious. They bring out the little kid in me. I don't want to grow up, and that's something I don't plan to do until I'm twenty. So whatever, I've got a few months to live it up right? Anyway, whenever I go to the grocery stores, I always make them carry my bags for me. Now don't get me wrong - I carry some myself. But I don't own a car, and I don't like public transportation, so I walk. And before they came, I always hauled a wagon with me. But with them, I can carry things freely. And they don't seem to mind heavy things. Especially Remus. He doesn't even seem fazed by the heavy stuff I ask him to carry, like potatoes and cans. He usually carries the burden as if it were just filled with cotton. I wonder how he does it. I don't ask James or Sirius to carry the produce of course. I leave that to myself. I've learnt a good lesson from that; keep fruits and vegetables away from them. There was this one time where Sirius took out my tomoatoes and started springing them at James and Remus. Remus, who's mature enough to not lead Sirius on, did not fight back. But James on the otherhand, took my baby carrots and whipped them at Sirius in retalliation. I was pissed of course; those thgings were expensive! But the good thing was that they traded in their galleons the next day and payed me back, and even offered to go buy the stuff back. I went with them. I don't trust them alone in muggle territory.  
  
That reminds me; I need to go grocery shopping again. Those guys cleared out my fridge within a week. Not to mention that James is celebrating his twentieth birthday next week. Which brings me back to reality - within a few months, I too will be twenty. Apparantly, James wants his twentieth birthday held in 'muggle fashion'. So he started making a list of what dishes he wanted. One strawberry-banana trifle, three apple pies, a tray of lady fingers, five dozen chewy chocolate chip oatmeal cookies, and six large three topping pizzas. Oh yeah. he wanted a triple layered chocolate cake with chocolate cream inbetween each layer and chocolate frosting and chocolate sprinkles with "Happy Twentieth Muggle Birthday James' written in chocolate chips and icing. Did you notice that the whole cake consists of chocolate? And everything except the pizzas are dessert dishes? He's asked me to cook for the bash which I told him I would. Oh well. He offered to help, insisting that since he was the 'birthday boy', he had to help cook. Remus and Sirius immediately left the room when he asked them for their help. Constance had run off with a 'I think I have a phone call from my mother' (which she is obviously lying because her parents don't 'believe' in muggle paraphenalia) and Serene had coincidentally had to be somewhere on the afternoon of the preperations, but she promised to make it in time for the birthday bash. Apparantly; it's sort of a birthday bash because he's got a whole list of people and he's having it at his own place. So that means I must help him cook in his kitchen. He said he's already invited some of his Hogwart's friends and some others that I don't know of. I'm not one for bashes.  
  
"Lily!"  
  
I hear three voices calling my name while I'm sitting on the couch pondering all of this. I turn around and see James, Sirius, and Remus by the door. They seem excited.  
  
"Yes?" I ask, with a tinge of annoyance at my thoughts being interrupted. They always seem to interrupt me.  
  
"Time to go birthday shopping!" James announces, with a big grin all around. He's glowing with happiness, and I can't help smiling myself.  
  
I look over to the clock; it's already 4:00pm. "Okay, fine. But this time, let _me_ do the picking, okay?"  
  
"Of course," he says, running towards me, taking me by the hands and pulling me up.  
  
Truthfully, I'm quite pooped from the previous night where Serene had made me go with her to a 'double-date' with some guy she met off the street. I had a blind date, Mark, and we stayed out past two. I _did_ have a good time, and I consider phoning up Mark. He was such a nice guy. Oh yea, did I mention that three days after Constance's wedding, I dumped Jeremy? Guess not. Well, I finally did it. He wasn't surprised, and said he fully understood. We're still friend. No, really. We're not like those couples who go 'we'll always be friends'. We actually are friends. Quite close friends. Anyway, I'm tired as hell right now, but seeing as it's James birthday and he's so excited, why not?  
  
So here I am, hauling my ass off the couch, grabbing my wallet and heading out the door with the three musketeers and skipping merrily along down the road.  
  
-----  
  
It's the afternoon of August 30th. James Potter's birthday. James Potter's Twentieth Muggle Birthday to be exact. He's apparantly, the youngest of the marauders except Peter. And here I am in his kitchen, and surprisingly, Remus, Sirius and Constance are here too. Serene was in some sort of family meeting and couldn't make it, but as promised, will show up for the party. Peter couldn't make it because his mother was extremely sick. James had said he'd leave him a slice of cake... if it wasn't already finished.  
  
"Okay, assignment time!" James announces with a smrik. "You ladies will do the pies, the trifle, the cookies and the lady fingers. Us men will handle the cake."  
  
"Wait a second," Constance says doubtfully. "_You're_ going to do the _cake_? Can you handle it?"  
  
"Of course we can! All we need to do is follow instructions! And if it doesn't turn out like it's suppossed to, there's always magic!"  
  
Always _magic?! _Nuh uh!  
  
"Hold it!" I interrupt, giving James a look. "You said you wanted a muggle birthday. Muggle birthdays mean no magic, no matter how shitty everything turns out."  
  
"Nothing is going to turn out bad, Lily. No worries."  
  
And with that, the birthday catering starts. And I have to admit; as much as I dreaded this, it's actually quite fun. Constance and I already have the cookies baking away, the trifle put neatly beside the tray of lady fingers. We're now working on the pie which is actually quite hard to make. We bought an already made pie shell, and now we're trying to get the apple filling right. We sort of cheated, because we got already-sliced apples with apple sauce. So all we need to do is dump the stuff inside the pie shell, and put a pie shell... cover thingy.. ontop of that. And here's Cosntance, dumping it out onto the shell. I must admit, that stuff looks nasty. But it will taste good. I know it will. We set aside the three pies for baking, and take a seat on the kitchen table.  
  
Oh yes; I forgot to tell you. Four days before the actual birthday celebration thing, James, Remus, Constance and I went to the muggle department store and purchased muggle things such as ovens, toasters, microwaves and fridges. James had been so interested in all the muggle appliances that Constance and I had that he decided to get some for himself.  
  
Constance has already fallen asleep, resting her head on the table. I'm pretty pooped myself, but I stay awake. Looking over to where the guys are, I say that they're having fun. They all have wide smiles painted on their faces, making excited squeals now and then. Their three cake layers have already been baked, and fine. I was wrong. Their cake turned out nicely. Now, James is trying to make some frosting while Remus is trying to take the cake layers out of their pantry. Sirius is preparing the spirnkles and icing. They're like little kids again, experimenting with something completely alien to them, but having a ball at the same time.  
  
"Frosting's done," says James, looking up at his buddies. The three of them start squealing with excitement again. "Okay, Remus. Cake layer number one!"  
  
Remus lays out the first perfectly round cake layer on some sort of weird board. Sirius hands out frosting spreaders to them and they enthusiastically dip in, and frost the first layer.  
  
"Uh, James; exactly how much frosting are we using for each cake layer?" Remus asks, as he looks at the first layer. I try to stiffle a giggle from where I'm sitting. They were too into frosting the cake that they practically used all their frosting on one layer of cake. Result? The frosting is like another four layers of the cake. James bites his lip, and then starts to swipe frosting off the cake. The other two, getting the gist, do the same thing.  
  
"Cake layer number two!"  
  
Before long, the cake layers were done, and it looked perfect. The ding of the oven told me the cookies were done, and I go to remove them, and putting the pies in their place. I'm carrying the tray of cookies, confused at where to place them for cooling. Constance has taken up almost the entire table, and the guys have the counter piled high. James comes over to me, with oven mitts on. He takes the tray from me and sets it beside the trifle carefully, afraid to knock anything over. After, he takes a cookie and pops it in his mouth. And not long after, he spits it out.  
  
"_HOT!_" he screams, still spitting it out and trying to down a glass of water. "Hot, hot hot!!!"  
  
"Well, they're obviously hot," I say, laughing with mirth. You should've seen his face! It was priceless. "They just came out of the oven. Of course they're hot. And no one suggested for you to try one."  
  
"But they smelled nice and I was hungry!"  
  
And learning from James, Remus and Sirius too reach for cookies. Sirius follows in James' footsteps by spitting it out and yelping for water, while Remus, the smarter one, had broken the cookie in half and takes a few small bites.  
  
"Not bad, Lily," he says thickly, his mouth stuffed with cookie.  
  
As I put the pies in the oven, they continue on with their cake. It's coming along nicely actually, with the nice, even frosting spread around the cake and everything. Sirius takes a tube of icing and is just about to do something when James stops him.  
  
"Hold on!" he yells, scaring Sirius, who had squeezed out some icing.  
  
"What?" Sirius asks, completely puzzled.  
  
"You were gonna write on the cake weren't you?"  
  
"Uh... yeah!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Why not?!"  
  
"You have horrible writing!"  
  
I can vouch for that. There were five occasions during Hogwart's where I've been Sirius' project partner, and let me tell you; he doesn't have the best writing in the world. His printing looks like a four year old's while his cursive is even worse. Sometimes, you can't even tell what he's writing. How he became an auror and does paperwork is anyone's guess.  
  
"I do not!" protests Sirius. We all turn to face him giving him a look. He scowls at us and throws the icing tube over to James. "_You_ do it then, Mr I-have-perfect-writing."  
  
"I do," James replies smugly, as he begins squeezing words out. Personally, I think James' writing is as bad as Sirius, but I don't comment, seeing as it's his birthday. Birthday people sure have such a great advantage. It's not fair really. But I'm not one for big bashes. When it's my birthday, I'll just have a small drink with Constance. Hoepfully, no one will remember it.  
  
-----  
  
7:00pm of August 30th. Truthfully, this bash is quite boring. There are a few people from school I know, like Francis Wood and his wife, Adrianne. They brought along their cute little boy, Oliver, who's only two. I spent half an hour with that kid, and I must say, sons aren't that bad are they? Eh well. I'm still up for that daughter.  
  
There's also Lorin Macmillan, along with some girl I don't know. Serene's here, and attracting some male attention, though she seems to belong to Sirius at the moment. Then there are these people I don't know, and some of James' cousins which I don't know either. Boy, do I feel comfortable in here.  
  
I enter the kitchen to check on the food. Constance had finally woken up an hour before the party and is now somewhere having a nice chat with the Woods. I don't know what to do, so I'm going to stay in the kitchen. Not only do I know practically no one there, but the people who are out there seem pretty boring. Or maybe it's just me that's boring. I wouldn't know. Here's an interesting fact about me: I'm not that interesting.  
  
So here I am sitting at the kitchen table holding a martini when this guy walks into the room. His hair is jet black and messy, and he's almost a head taller than me. Guessing by the hair, I'd say he's James' cousin. One of them. I don't know his name.  
  
"You must be Lily Evans," he says, walking up to me. That's weird. I don't remember being introduced to this guy. Oh well, play it smooth kiddo.  
  
"Must be," I reply, giving him a look-over and sipping my martini. Not that bad; he's got a great sense of style without being too glittery. Nice male touch - ruggedy-casual yet classy. Nice body; maybe he works out. He seems pretty young. This guy's something. Let's keep him here for a while.  
  
He chuckles and holds out his hand, which I gladly shake. "I'm Dexter Potter, cousin of our dear James Potter."  
  
Dexter? Okay, that's quite a nerdy name. _But_, yes. there's a _but_. Dexter. Let's play with his name. Deterrrr, Dext, Dex. I could call him Dex! That's way cooler than Dexter. And it sounds sexy. Dex. Dex Dex Dex Dex. Dex. Thumbs up girl.  
  
"So, do all the Potter boys have the same messay hair?" I ask, trying to make small talk. I'm now facing him and flipping my hair a bit. Although he has the same hair as James, he looks completely different. I dont know how, but he's extremely different.  
  
"Oh, yes, all of us Potter men do. But I like it - no nuissance with a comb."  
  
"So how exactly did you get my name?"  
  
"James told me I'd find a redhead in the kitchen. He told me to come fecth her. And I must say, this little redhead piques my curiosity."  
  
I pique his curiosity?! _SCORE!_ "How so, may I ask?"  
  
"You're sense of humour is quite dry and funny at the same time."  
  
This is getting good. Not only is this guy super hot, but he likes me too! Okay, okay. Breathe, breathe. He might not like me. I'm not too sure. He only says I've caught his attention.  
  
"Anyway," he says, draggin me out of my thoughts. "I've come to take you back to the party."  
  
"Oh, yes right. But do I have to?" I ask, looking quite glum. I'm not faking that one. I really don't want to rejoin the party.  
  
"It's James' birthday, and I think he really wants you there."  
  
"How would _you_ know?"  
  
"You've caught his fancy."  
  
Oh. I've caught James' fancy. Not Dexter's fancy. James is my friend, and nothing more.  
  
"Come on," he says, holding out an arm. "I'll escort you."  
  
Now that's more like it!  
  
So, the party wasn't exactly all bad. I spent the entire night with Dexter. He's such a great and decent guy, I wish I were with him. He's so nice and charming, and really funny. My favourite joke was his bar joke: Did you hear the joke about the guy who walked into the bar? He said ouch. I've also learned much about Dexter himself in those few hours. He's just turned twenty-one three months ago, and is a Healer (which I'm very impressed by). He too is a member of the Order, but wasn't there on my initiation because he had to tend to some patient who swallowed a Nifler.  
  
Anyway, I don't think anyone minded that I got in touch with Dexter, seeing as they seemed to be in their own worlds. Sirius and Serene went off somewhere in the kitchen, while Constance had another talk with the Woods, playing with little Oliver. Remus was being flanked by a crowd of girls, while he helplessly tried to get away. James was ecentric at first. He went around the whole room and greeted everyone and even pulled a few pranks. He also came around to where Dexter and I were sitting, talking about families and making jokes. Soon though, he looked a bit deflated and glum, but he still had a good time (I think).  
  
By the end of the party, I was completely on cloud nine. I've met the hottest guy ever created, and was asked out by him for dinner on saturday night. I gave him my address and he promised to owl me. This is so great! Nevermind about muggle-Mark! I have someone even better and more intellectual! I guess everything has it's good side right? And you know what? He said that I caught his fancy too! _HIGH FIVE BABY!_


	10. Encounter number one

**a/n:** wow.. okay.. so how long has it been since i've updated? whatever. no; i'm not sorry for making you wait that long. chapter 9 took a long time to write, and i see nothing for it. whatever... enjoy chapter 10; wont be updating any time soon because i'm off to boston. have fun.

and you know whats even worse? alexandre despatie and diving. what the fuck man!! he was suppossed to get gold.. but NOOOO.. stupid china with their stupid peng bo!! i hate you!!! soccer's on today, but they never show it! and my soccer player isnt there! this summer's been bullshit.

* * *

My love life is now officially complete with Dexter Potter. Our date went fabulously, as he took me to an italian restaurant and then to a dessert shop. He dressed so nicely for the occasion, and had walked me all the way home, leaving the faintest kiss on my lips. God, was a cheery. With that kiss, he made us official. We are _official!_ He event sent me a bouquet of _lilies_ on monday at work. Now, I'm not much of a fan for lilies - infact, I'm not much of a flower person, hence my name. I personally hate my name. My mother loves lilies and petunias, so I guess that explains it. I wish I had a cool name, like Constance for instance. I mean, how cool is that name? And how many Constances do you even know? Most people don't even get to meet one Constance in a lifetime. Serene too is such an awesome and unique name. I've heard of Serenas, but not many Serenes. But no; my name is Lily. Lily Annalise. I don't mind Annalise actually; that's pretty rare right?  
  
Anyway, I was pretty 'electrified' after the flowers. Farris had a look of plain jealousy written all over her face, and I did not waste any chance to rub it in. Serene kept coming over, telling me how great this was and we'd always end our little mumbling chats with jumps and squeals. Although Serene was excited about my flowers, she was a bit put off about Sirius. She had asked him why he didn't give her flowers at work, and his answer was 'Why don't you tell your other boyfriends?'. That's a pretty big burn, and she's pretty pissed about it too. I do take Sirius' side about the boyfriends thing, but he shouldn't be talking; he's always surrounding himself with girls too. Those two should really stop this shit and hook up officially... like me and Dex! Oh yeah, I'm calling him Dex now. It's such a hot name.  
  
Everyone at work - besides Moody and Winchester - were happy for me about the flowers. The only person who took Farris' side of the situation was James. When he saw them on my desk, he immediately asked me who they were from before I even opened the card. When I told him it was Dex who gave them to me, his face got even more closed and sullen. He wouldn't even come near us for the rest of the day. I wouldn't blame him. Actually, I feel kinda bad. Dex told me at the party that James had a thing for me. But Dex had a thing for me too in the end, and I kinda went the Dex-direction. James must hate me so much right now. But I can't help my feelings right?  
  
We're here in the house of Number 87 Thindrow Alley. Dumbledore himself is holding the actual meeting this time. I came with Dex, Constance and Remus. The others were going seperately. So here we are, sitting around the kitchen, discussing the latest plans of Voldemort. But the thing is, I can't help thinking about Dex. About the date we had just the other night, walking by the park and sitting ontop of a hill watching the sunset. It was beautiful and so utterly romantic. I never thought I'd actually have such a romantic boyfriend! This is so great. My fabulous boyfriend who reminds me that my life isn't completely miserable shit.  
  
I'm jerked out of my thoughts once again by Dumbledore. "Ms Evans, in or out?"  
  
Oh great. Not one of these again. In or out? The last time I said in, I got myself into this mess. And this time, I have no idea to what it's about.  
  
"Um, could you run that by me again, please, sir?" I ask, squirming since everyone was watching me. Constance and Remus stiffled a gigle while Serene held a smile. Sirius was shaking his head while James looked quite annoyed. Dex, who had his arm around me and was resting his head on mine, laughed in my hair.  
  
"What I was saying, Ms Evans, was that Voldemort has yet another marvelous plan to make himself stronger. We've had spies and we've now got the knowledge that he insists on having dragon blood to make him stronger. Now, we've got Ms Kruberra and Mr Lupin handling the apothicary in Diagon Alley. Prewett and Gidgeon got the one in Hogsmeade. There's one apothicary where most people overlook in Pindrop Villiage. You might not have heard of it; it's a secluded little villiage consisting of only wizards, but there's only a hadnful of population. I've got Mr Potter - James that is - on the spot for it. I was wondering if you'd agree to partnership with him?"  
  
Pindrop Villiage? I've never heard of it. I shift uncomfortably in my seat as Dex's hold tightens around me. I'm not exactly soothed by it, but it's better than nothing. Not only is this mission dangerious. but what's even more dangerous is the fact that I'll be working with James. He's avoided me for the entire week and whenever he DOES talk to me, it's strained, hard, and angry. But I can't refuse Dumbledore can I? Think of all the things he's done for me; he accepted me into the wizarding society, made me prefect, gave me encouragement talks and even helped me a bit when I failed that one Charms test. I give him a tiny nod.  
  
"Very well, it's settled then. Well, off you go, Ms Kruberra, Mr Lupin,. Mr Gidgeon, Mr Prewette, Mr Potter and Ms Evans," Dumbledore says, clasping his hands together.  
  
My mouth drops. _TONIGHT?!_ The watch is _tonight?! _"_Now?!_" I ask in dispair.  
  
Once again, people seem to be laughing at me. I think people find me amusing; I naiive girl who half pays attention and isn't aware of anything, unless it's repeated a second time.  
  
"No, Evans, he means in a year," James says sarcastically. Sirius and Remus look at him curiously but say nothing. Neither do I. When was the last time he's ever been sarcastic with me? And he stopped calling me Evans a long time ago.  
  
All I can do is blush. Yes, I'm that stupid. I'm the stupidest, most dense person in the Order. I hate this. I feel like I don't belong here. I still don't even know half the people in it and people think low of me. Just great. I say nothing to James' rude comment but follow him out the door instead.  
  
"Bye Lily," says Constance and Remus together. They too seem grim about the assignment, but their backs are turned to me and they've just apparated out. So have Prewett and Gidgeon.  
  
"Well?" James demands, looking at me. His wand is out and I just realize that he's ready to apparate. I dumbly pat my pockets for my wand, and find it on the ground. James makes a tsk sound and apparates out. I feel horrible. I Pick up my wand and am about to go too when Dex reaches me.  
  
"Be careful kay?" he says, giving me a kiss on the head. I'm too miserable to even speak. He holds me into a tight hug which I greatfully return. We both stand there for a few minutes, just blissfully in each other's arms; actually, I think we've been there for more than a few minutes. Oh well, he makes me feel better. My fabulous boyfriend. I untangle myself from him, give him a nod, and apparate to Pindropn Villiage.So I've arrived at Pindrop Villiage with a small little popping sound. It's practically pitch black; how do people actually live here? It's like a ghost town! I know I wouldn't live here. Oh my gosh! What's that sound?! Okay... just my imagination. Nevermind.  
  
I walk around blindly, trying to find the apothicary with no luck, when all of a sudden, I see a stranger infront of me. I'm about to let out a gigantic shriek when he quickly clasps his hands around my mouth and points his wand to my face. It's only James, but he's got a furious look on.  
  
Where the fuck were you?!" he hisses at me. Oh, that's right. Dex held me up. "If you came right before I did, we would've stuck together and you wouldn't be lost. I wouldn't have to waste valuable time looking everywhere for you; what if Voldemort suddenly came up on you? Or what if he came up on me? Or what if he went to the apothicary and got the blood? In every situation, you'd get us in trouble. Why don't you just suck in your stupidity and act smart for a change?!"  
  
I've never known James' words could be this harsh. I feel like an imbecile; he's right. I try to hold back tears while he delivers another mean comment towards me.  
  
"You're a witch, for god's sake Evans! You're going to be an _AUROR_. Start taking the responsibility and act like it! You're not a Healer. You're an Auror. Dexter's a Healer; maybe that's why you're so attracted to him."  
  
So this is what it's all about is it? My relationship with Dexter. I'm about to reply when I rethink it. James is in his bashee mode; it wouldn't be wise to corrupt him even more.  
  
"And geez Evans! You can use magic! Just light up your damn wand so you can have some light in the darkness."  
  
Ouch. Now I feel even more stupid. Why does James have to be so mean?! My hatred for him is starting to grow back. The pair of shoes I'm so fond of is starting to look ugly and scratched everywhere. I can't stand him, but I say nothing. Instead, I continue following him.  
  
He eventually leads us infront of the apothicary which is closed. He starts to crouch beside a bush, leaving me infront of the doorway, standing, looking like an idiot. He takes something out of his pocket and unfolds it. A weird shimmery slippery water-like thing comes out as he unfolds it. An invisability cloak! Where did he get that? Those are fucking rare! He's about to drape it over himself when he looks over at me. _"Well?"  
_  
It just occurs to me that he means for me to go beside him. I hurry my way across the the pavement and crouch beside him.  
  
"Closer, Evans. The cloak can't fit around both of us if you expect to sit a meter away from me."  
  
I sigh inwardly and crawl beside him. He drapes the cloak over us. I look around, and am surprised that I can see out of the cloak perfectly. This is a pretty handy thing for spying. I realize that I'm beside James and I start to grow scared for myself again, and the feeling of my stupidity lurks over me again. I think I'm shaking a bit, and maybe shivering from pure fear. I wrap my arms around myself, and rest my head on my knees as I cry silently.  
  
I don't think James realizes that I'm crying. shaking or shivering. Or maybe he does, but he's not doing anything about it. He's sitting beside me calmly, breathing in and out. It just hits me now how close we're sitting together. The whole left side of his body is pressed against my right. The warmth of his body brings a bit of comfort to my shivering one. I begin to calm down a bit, breathing a little more heavily; the aftermath of all my cryings.  
  
"Do you think you can lowering your breathing rate?" he suddenly snaps, grinding his teeth. "At least you were silent when you were crying. If we're heard, both our asses are on the line."  
  
This time, I'm pissed off. I can't stand his mean little comments, trying to put me down, just like what he did in first year, when I couldn't ride a broom.  
  
"Why can't you just accept the fact that I'm with Dexter?" I demand, lowering my voice into a deadly dangerous one. He doesn't move; he doesn't even flinch. But he sits there quietly. I feel a bit triumphant when he's not answering, but he soon finds something else to say.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about, Evans. I have no such problem with you going out with my cousin."  
  
"Yes you do! The reason you were down at your party was because you saw us talking to each other. When you found out we had a date, you got angry. Those flowers! You practically wanted to throw them at my feet in disgust! And you've hardly talked to me this past week! It's like you hate me!"  
  
Before I know it, I'm crying again. And I don't even bother to lower my volume. He looks over at me and gives a sigh as if he's surrendering. He even looks vulnerable.  
  
"Look, Lily. I dont hate you - "  
  
"Yes you do! You started calling me Evans again, you don't talk to me! You're always throwing in mean comments towards me, making me feel like an idiot! You put me down infront of my friends and you always have a scowl on your face whenever you _DO_ talk to me!"  
  
He's about to answer when we hear a very faint, very distant noise. He quickly claps a hand over my mouth again, but I yank it out and thrust a fist at him. That feels good! Girl power! He looks in a lot of pain but manages to not even make a peep of noise, like most of the male population seem to do. What is it with men and not showing pain? And they never cry! I'd like to see James Potter cry for once!  
  
"Dragon blood," hisses a voice, which seems more clear than the distant noise we just heard. I immediately being to shake once again, but James, who seemed to heal from my punch, takes a hold of my hand. I'm about to pull away, but the feel of his touch seems to calm me down. Instead, I grasp his hand tightly.  
  
"Yes master!" replies a more high pitched voice. I peer out of the cloak and see two figures heading our way. One seems to be small and skinny, while the other one is a bit fatter and more tall. The tall one held himself more prominant, with distinct power looming over him. I edge forward in the cloak, and feel it start to tug at my movements. James gently pulls me away, and we both look out more carefully.  
  
The two have now reached the door to the apothicary, when I see the smaller one. He's a Death Eater that was present at Constance's wedding. He seems to be trying to unlock the door, but the simple _Alohamora_ spell doesn't seem to be working.  
  
"Step aside!" the taller one demands, as he edges forward to the door. With a simple mutter, he opens the door. He turns to face the Death Eater, who coincidentally is standing our way. As he's turning, I look carefully at his face. Thin, high cheekbones, weird flared nostrils, thin mouth... OH MY GOODNESS! It's _VOLDEMORT_!!!!!! I'm about to let out an unvoluntary yell when James once again clasps his hand around my mouth, and gives me a tight squeeze with his other hand. I lean closer to him in a fresh wave of fear, shaking violently. James hugs me, and I know the reason for it. My shaking may corrupt the cloak and tug it, making us known, and hugging me is the only way to stop me shaking.  
  
Is this the end of my life?! Am I going to die? I'm nineteen years old,. not even twenty. I'll never get married, I'll never have a baby shower, I'll never have kids, I'll never see my friends and family again! No more bar jokes and martinis, no television and telephones. Never again will I taste mom's delicioius cooking, or sit with dad, watching soccer. I'll never see Britain win the Euro or World Cup, I'll never see Petunia and her fiancee.  
  
They're entering the apothicary when James makes a sudden movement. It looks as if he's standing up.  
  
"James, where are you going?" I whisper, as random tears streak my face. He looks at me intently, and gravely.  
  
"I'm going to stop him."  
  
"But why?! You're going to risk your life for some stupid dragon blood?"  
  
"Lily, if he gets the blood, he'll be more powerful. Better fight him when he's weak to get rid of him forever. I'd rather lose my own life than have anyone else harmed. And besides, I decided to go on this mission; and I'm going to do what I said I would."  
  
And with that, he takes a stand, weaving himself out of my grasp and the cloak. Before going, he looks at me sharply, and kisses me. Dude; I'm completely shocked. Did he just kiss me?! I'm not his girlfriend! Why did he kiss me?! .... And why did that feel good?  
  
Before I can say anything, he's out in the open, leaving me within the safety of the cloak. I know I should be out there fighting alongside of him, but fear holds me down. I stare wide-eyed at him as he stands infront of the doorway.  
  
"_Explliarmus_!" he suddenly shouts, catching the two abruptly. He quickly catches their wands.  
  
"What the - " Voldemort suddenly yells and turn around to James. He's about to finish his sentence when he notices who's standing before him. His face grows into an evil grin and he begins to laugh maniacally. James quivers a bit, but he's standing his ground. Damn, that guy is _BRAVE!  
_  
"I will not let you take the dragon blood, _Voldemort_," James say, carefully putting more weight onto Voldemort's name.  
  
The evil wizard immediately diminshes his laugh and looks at James. "You dare speak my name, boy? You're too unworthy for such a name as mine."  
  
"No, infact, you're too unworthy of _my_ name, which is why you're not calling me by it, but you're calling me _'boy'_."  
  
Wow. He has a lot of guts. I guess after all those years of being a marauder gives you self esteem and confidence right? I wish I had as much confidence in myself.  
  
"Don't be foolish," Voldemort hisses. "You're a Potter. With the damned hair, you're quite distinguishable."  
  
"I'm a Potter, yes. But do you know my first name?" James asks, jutting out his chin. I hope he doesn't get too cocky before something explodes on him.  
  
But for once, Voldemort is is stumped. James Potter stumped _Voldemort_?!?! Is that a good thing or a bad thing?  
  
Before I had time to dwell on it, I see the Death Eater, sneaking up behind James. He's about to crouch and jump on him to get their wands back. Oh my.. what will James do?! What will I do?! What if James gets killed?! Think Lily, _THINK!_  
  
"James, watch out!" I suddenly blurt, coming out from my secure hiding spot and grabbing James away from the Death Eater. Unfortunately, I'm too late because the wands are back in their possessions.  
  
The Death Eater comes towards me and yanks my hair, as if punishing me for telling James about his plans. He keeps yanking, and he's even pulling me forward to him. I can feel hot tears spring quickly in my eyes.  
  
"Lily!" James bellows, as he puts a spell on the Death Eater and takes me back in the safety of his arms, massaging my head.  
  
Voldemort seems to be chuckling merrily. "_So_, it's _James_ Potter. _James_ and his.. little girlfriend _Lily_. By the looks of it, I'd say precious Lily is a _moodblood_."  
  
James helps me get up as we both glare at Voldemort. It's unnerving to be looking at him straight in the eye, standing right infront of him, and even talking to him. This is even scarier than the time I crashed dad's car into a tree and he yelled at me for it.  
  
"Yes," James says defiantly, and holds me up while standing with good posture.  
  
Before anything else could happen, Voldemort conjured a spell on the both of us. We were pushed back by a powerful force; I bump into a brick wall of someone's store that takes the wind out of me while James is knocked unconcious by hitting his head onto a large stone.  
  
"_NO_!" I mumble, trying to get up from my spot.  
  
"_Petrificus Totalus_." I hear Voldemort say it lazily as he hits me with it, and advances on James, who's begining to come back to life. I can't move. I hate full body binds. I strain my eyes to see James, getting up groggily.  
  
"Lily..." he manages to say. I can't say anything back to him. I can't do anything to help him. He's going to die all because of me.  
  
"Shush boy," Voldemort says, giving James a kick in the ribs. James winces and seems like he's about to faint again, but he holds himself together. Voldemort points his wand inbetween James' eyes. "Now, I will give you a chance to live, _James_. I might even spare your little girlfriends over there, but I see no point in her existence anyway. She's weak, so I could just leave her be. It's _YOU_ I want. So, if you'd like to live, you can follow me in my footsteps and become a Death Eater. If you choose to deny my offer, I will obviously kill you. It won't hurt. I promise."  
  
Don't do it James!! I don't care if he kills me.. please don't do anything. I see James glancing over at me, and then back at Voldemort. He seems to be taking his time in answering the question, as if he's thinking about it. What's there to think about? Why would he join forces with _Voldemort_? I mean, even _IF_ Voldemort was a good wizard, I wouldn't. He's too ugly to be _MY_ leader!  
  
James is starting to stand up, and looks directly at Voldemort. "Take the jinx off her and _THEN_ I will answer you."  
  
Voldemort looks carefully at James, but then shurgs. "Fine; she's useless anyway. She can't do anything."  
  
I immediately feel the sensation of my body once more, but I'm still too weak, after being plummetted into the brick wall. I'm an auror! I'm suppossed to be strong! I stagger my way towards James, who shoves me behind him.  
  
He looks at Voldemort again, and opens his mouth in answer. "Sorry there, Voldemort. Can't join your League of Death Eaters."  
  
Instead of answering James, Voldemort screeches a curse at him. "_CRUCIO_!"  
  
Without thinking, I push James down and I surrender myself to Voldemort's curse. It's all I can do; James has protected me most times, and I will stand up for him too! But the most unbearable pain seethes through me, my every vein is filled with piercing daggers.  
  
"_LILY!_" I hear James scream, but only faintly. Pain has subdued everything; my hearing, my sight, my existance.  
  
I feel my body do things I could never achieve on my own account. My arms keep twisting, and ankles keep spinning and cracking. My back bends unbearably, and it seems as though that's about to snap when a new pain rushes in. My head swells with pain. Pain I can't stand. I feel like fainting from it, but the force is pulling me awake to feel every such torture. My head is about to explode with pain cursing through it until I feel it all stop abruptly. I don't know why, as I'm feeling the aftermath of the Cruciatus Curse. It's as bad as having the curse put onto you. I can't move; every small movement I make can kill me.  
  
But I must move! I'm an auror. Okay, I should really stop saying that; but still. That's what I am. Whether I like it or not. I painfully push myself to my feet, and I feel like tumbling altogether. I see Voldemort, James and the Death Eater negotiationg with each other... or whatever they're doing. Their attention has left me and I decide to take advantage of it. No one notices me even when I'm standing. Gosh, maybe they really _DO_ think I'm just a little prat. I quickly feel around for my wand and find it in my back pocket. Luckily, it didn't snap when I was being cursed or when I was bumped into the wall. 

I stagger at first, but then gain my composure. I aim my wand directly to Voldemort's back and yell "_Stupefy_!"  
  
My spell hits him offguard and he immediately falls down. The Death Eater starts to advance on him but James, acting quickly, jinxes him too. James runs quickly towards me and grabs my arm. He rushes me inside the apothicary, and quickly fumbles through all these jars with weird maroon liquid. He wraps the jars inside his invisability cloak. We hear a weird grumbling sound and I grab his hands.

"Come on Lily!" James says quickly and quietly. "We need to apparate out of here."

All I can do is nod my head. I take about my wand and say "Number 87 Thindrow Alley."

I see myself in the Order with many of its members gathering around. I look about and see Dex, Remus, Sirius, Serene and Constance rushing towards me. James has now come up beside me, unwraps the invisability cloak and sets the jars on the table. 

"Lily!" James says full of concern. It's nice to be concerned for. I'm about to answer, but I feel myself weakening again. The last thing I see is messy jet black hair and a pair of horn-rimmed glasses.


	11. Secrets revealed

**a/n: **well, here you have it; chapter 11.

boston was fun... kinda went by a bit too quick. whale watching turned out weird because we saw dolphins instead of whales.. but dolphins are suppossedly 'rare'. pshh whatever. i got a lobster hat! hahaha! and america has the best candy ever! lifesavers FUSION baby!!!! and i finally got to taste juicy fruit strappleberry and grapemelon. sighh.. why isnt canada that great? i _don't _know.

thank you for all those who reviewed me and told me to keep continuing. that really did help me to write this chapter because i'm kinda in a writer's block sitch.

and thank you, pidget for wishing me a good trip. that made my day because that day wasnt a good one; seeing as i was missing soccer and diving was such a disappointment.

**disclaimer:** you suck eggs.

* * *

Oh, so ew. I'm out of St Mungos. Apparantly, the attack did a few wonders on me. Both ankles broken, 3 ribs cracked, my arms swollen and my spine dented. No worries; I'm all healed! Too bad everyone treats me like I'm some delicate figurine. That kinda sucks balls doesn't it? Dex is starting to jiggle my nerves a bit; he's too... worriful. He keeps asking if I'm okay, whether or not I need a rest, and if anything is too 'farfetched' for my enduring. Oh my god - I have another Jeremy on my hands! No way! This isn't suppossed to happen! Dexter Potter, my fabulous carefree wonderful boyfriend who lets me do whatever I want! Not cool!  
  
So it's been how many days since I left... five? Exactly. When someone leaves a hospital, it means they're _better_ right? All this... this babying is getting annoying. Constance won't let me leave her sight, Dexter won't let me do anything, Serene talks to me as if I'm about to faint, Moody and Winchester won't let me on assignments and Sirius and Remus treat me as if I were some stupid six year old. Oh yeah, and James. Although near the end of the attack day, he sounded a bit softer, I was fooled. He was all caring until the day I left the hospital, as if the attack didn't happen at all. He's still cold and hard. Seriously; what is the matter with that boy?! And I should be mad too! He kissed me without my consent!... Even if he does kiss very nicely. Oh god - what am I getting at? Dex does it much better. Oh, who am I kidding? Damn you, James Potter! Damn you!  
  
Alright! So because of this stupid attack, I have nothing better to do in my life but mope around the house and stay alert for anything unusual. How the hell am I suppossed to stay alert for unusual activity when all I get to do is mope around the fucking house?! I _don't_ know. Everything's become such a fag these days. No privacy, no freedom, no nothing. All I get is pity. Pity and attention._ Oh Lily, how are you holding up? Be careful of thatm Lily! Wotcher Lily!..._ Pshh! I'm sick of this. I _am_ careful! I _do_ watch out! I'm nineteen! I'm an adult! Adults aren't told what to do! They tell others what to do! It's not fair!  
  
I am currently in the living room, where Constance, Remus, Sirius, Serene and Dex are present. James apparantly did not want to come; I wish he could be more subtle for an excuse instead of straight out rejection to coming over. Oh well, that's not my problem is it? But I have to admit, after having James here practically everyday for a month, one tends to miss his presence. How he'd just go into your room and mess things, muddle with my muggle trinkets, raid Constance's closet and just... just how he's always there. But I see nothing of him. It's okay though; I have Dexter. He has the same messy black hair, with the same hazel eyes. Just add a pair of glasses and you've got James! Oh my... am I pretending that my boyfriend is _James Potter?!_ Oh _ew!_! Oh my god! I'm such a disaster! I've ruined myself!!! Get out of my head James! Oh shudder... that was kinda creepy wasn't it? Okay, no more of _that_. Dex is _so_ much more than James. I mean, he's taller, he's a _healer_, he's got a really nice figure, and he's... he's... well, I don't know! I've only been with the guy for so long! Stop making me feel guilty!  
  
Well, here we are, just... lounging around the house. One can take so much lounging around these days.  
  
"How are you feeling, Lily?" Serene asks gently, giving me a soft look. How many of these are people going to throw at me?  
  
"I'm fine," I answer, grinding my teeth together.  
  
I get up to go to the kitchen when Dex stops me. "Where are you going?"  
  
Where am I going? Okay, so now what - I'm forbidden to go anywhere I like? "To the kitchen."  
  
"What for?"  
  
"What do you mean 'what for'"?  
  
"Why are you going to the kitchen? Are you trying to escape from the kitchen window or something?"  
  
Now that's a good idea. Unfortunately, I'm too fat for the kitchen window. "I'd like a cup of water, if you don't mind."  
  
I dash for the kitchen before anyone can stop me. Honestly! I can't even step foot in the kitchen without getting a zillion questions pointed at me! This is ridiculus! I enter the kitchen to get my cup of water with a scowl inprinted on my face. As I walk out, I notice my wand sitting upon the counter. _My wand_... Ideas! I'm going to apparate out of this mess. I need fresh air! I havent had any since forEVER! Screw you Constance! Screw you Dex! Screw all of you! I'm going out, and nothing can stop me! I grab my wand, and say the apparation spell. Right before I finish it, however, something flahses before my eyes - James Potter.  
  
"What are you doing?" he asks suspiciously. I freeze in my actions; luckily, my whole form was still in the room.  
  
"Nothing!" I answer rather quickly, hiding my wand behind my back.  
  
He raises and eyebrow and peers behind me. "Why are you hiding your wand?"  
  
"I'm a wtich; witches have wands."  
  
"You're in here by yourself."  
  
"No, you're here too."  
  
"Were you trying to apparate out of here?"  
  
"No..."  
  
"Come with me."  
  
He pulls me by my shirt collar and steers me back to the living room. Okay - so much for the 'nothing can stop me' part. He leads me right up to everyone and places me in the centre of the room, where everyone looks at us with a funny face.  
  
"Hey James," says Dex, trying to break off the sentence. James gives him a glare. I wonder if James was always this cold towards Dex.  
  
"Lily was trying to escape," James tells everyone, ignoring Dexter's greeting. Everyone in the room gasped. Please! I wasn't escaping...  
  
I wasn't!  
  
"Why were you escaping?" Constance asks slowly, once everyone regained their composure.  
  
Why was I escaping?! "First of all, Consrtance, I wasn't escaping."  
  
"No? Then what were you doing?"  
  
"I uh... I just... I just wanted to test out my wand. You know - I haven't used it in such a while. What if it went wrong?"  
  
"Lily, wands are unconditional. They do not need to be tested."  
  
"Yes they do! What do you do at Ollivanders? You test wands! I know I tested MY wand. I don't know what you did then, Constance."  
  
Hmm... she looks a bit mad. Well, it's true! What _do_ you do at Ollivanders? You test wands, to see your match! No need to test wands... the things people come up with!  
  
"Fine then; you test them only once," Constance says offhandedly. "But what were you trying to do with your wand?"  
  
"Like I said; I just wanted to see if it still worked," I reply, not looking her in the eye.  
  
She walks over to me and faces me. I look down, but she holds my head until we're eye level. "Were you trying to apparate?"  
  
I can't answer her! What if she suddenly goes all crazy bitch on me and yells? She might even take my wand away. But she's looking at me... she's glaring at me... _Damn!_  
  
"_Yes_!" I say exasperately.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Why? _Why?! _ I've been locked in here for five days! I can't do anything without anyone knowing, I can't even take a simple stroll outside! All I get to do is stay in this fucking hell hole! It's not fair! I don't see any of you forbidding James to anything! Why me?!"  
  
At this, I am greeted by silence. Aha! I win! Now, I shall walk out of here and strut myself along the street. No - I'm just kidding. But I _will_ go outside. As I almost take a step forward, Remus interrupts me.  
  
"But Lily, _you_ were the one who got hit by the cruiciatus curse."  
  
... So what?! Many people have got hitten by the dumb cruciatus curse!  
  
"James was _almost_ hit!" I argue back, even though what I just said didn't really make sense.  
  
"Lily, you must be careful incase he comes back for you."  
  
"But he wasn't even going for me in the first place! He was going for _James! _I'm not James! I just pushed James out of the way so he wouldn't be hit!"  
  
Yet another silence follows.  
  
"You should be careful of your health Lily," Sirius says, trying to sound kind and caring. I can't take this anymore!  
  
"I _am_ careful!" I yell at everyone, making them all scared. I think Constance took a step back. "My health is _fine_ When someone leaves a hospital, it fucking means that they're fucking fine! I don't need you ninnies on my back day and night! I'm nineteen, and I'm an auror! Aurors are suppossed to be facing hardships like this! I took the job, I'll take the responsibility - not you!"  
  
Everyone seems to be looking down at me, feeling ashamed. All except for James, who seems to be looking bored.  
  
I glare at James, which he finally sees. He gives me a raised eyebrow with a look that says 'what did I do?'. "Why are you here?" I spit at him.  
  
"Odd, I used to get such nice greetings from you," he replies flatly, giving me a bored look.  
  
"I used to get those from you too."  
  
"Yes, you did."  
  
"So what are you doing here? You haven't been here in over a month. What calls you to come now?"  
  
"I like to check up on my lovely friend Constance."  
  
Check up on Constance? Now that's a first! Okay fine. It's not the first - but really. How lame was that?!  
  
I turn on my heels and make for the door, but am once again stopped.  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
This was surprisingly said by James. But I won't answer. I continue on my way, right to the door. I pause a little before, seeing if anyone would stop me. No one did. I feel a surge of pride welling up inside myself, as I grab the knob, turn it, pull open the door, step outside and shut it.  
  
I'm _FREE!_  
  
This is so great! I can do anything I want! I could go out and eat, shop, visit others... _anything!_ Now, what shall I do first? I can't eat because I just finished breakfast about an hour ago. I can't shop because I need to save up some money for bills. There's no one to visit that I know of, and walking around here is a bit boring.  
  
_Blast!_

What am I going to do? Just march back into the house and look like a dumbass? I think not!... Oh _fine!_ I turn around and stroll back into the house casually. I walk back to the living room where no one seemed to have moved a muscle, and they're all giving me weird looks except James.  
  
"Have fun?" he asked lightly, casually glancing in my direction.  
  
"Shut up," I mutter with an edgy tone, sitting myself back upon the couch next to Dex.  
  
"I could."  
  
"Then do so."  
  
"No thank you."  
  
"Then get out of my house."  
  
HA! That'd bloody well tick him off. But he doesn't look a bit hurt.  
  
"It's not only _your_ house," he replies, giving me a smirk.  
  
"But I own some of it," I fight back, now sitting at the edge of my seat.  
  
"So does Constance; and she wants me to stay."  
  
"Constance, is that true?"  
  
Everyone looks over at her where she seems to be squirming nervously.  
  
"I prefer to stay out of this," she says quietly. Gee thanks Constance. Some best friend. Okay, I take that back. But seriously - gee thanks Constance.  
  
"See?" he says, looking as if he'd won. "She _does_ want me here. And besides, she's my friend."  
  
"So am I," I say, although I sound a bit uncertain. He looks over at me with hard eyes. I relish under him.  
  
"Really, Lily? You're my friend? Would a friend do what _you_ did?"  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
What IS he talking about? What did I do? Oh... I get it; it's the Dex thing isn't it?  
  
"You're dating my _cousin!_"  
  
Bingo. I knew I was always smart... Okay, let's not get conceited here. No one likes a jackass.  
  
"So what?!" I ask defiantly. I'm completely off my seat, standing to face him. Everyone looks uncomfortable; especially Dex. I think Dex also has a guilty tinge hovering around him. I don't blame him - when James gets mad at someone, it really IS a scary sight.  
  
"So _what?!_ He _knew_ I liked you for ages!"  
  
"You can't help your feelings sometimes!"  
  
"Oh, so you can't help your feelings right? So if someone betrayed you, you wouldn't care right?"  
  
Okay... what is this boy getting at?  
  
"Did everyone know that Lily lost her virginity to some guy whom she has no clue to what his name was?"  
  
I freeze. Right there, on the spot.  
  
_HOLY SHIT!_  
  
"And if you buy her any jewlery, she'll just trade it off for something better, not caring what you get her."  
  
That's not true! It was just my mother's engagement ring!  
  
"Don't be buying her any pets; she'll just kill them."  
  
What?! I didn't kill anything! It was my owl! And it wasn't _my_ pet! It was Petunia's!  
  
"She lies about her weight and size."  
  
It's not that much of a lie! It's just... oh screw you James.  
  
"And she'll be telling everyone about sex; how bad you are and how you make her laugh when you do it."  
  
At this, Dex looks at me appalled. I don't do that! I stand there, with unknown tears rolling away, everyone staring in shock at me.  
  
"Prongs, maybe you should stop," inputs Sirius quietly. I look over at him who has this angry-sad face on.  
  
"Well Lily; now you know what it's like to be betrayed," James says, still with the stiff tone.  
  
I say nothing. What am I suppossed to say to that? It's true. I know what it feels like now; and James has been like this for a while. I can't help feeling a great dislike for him though. They're my secrets! But I supposse revealing secrets are less harsh than a broken heart.  
  
No one seems to moving, except James. He turns around, and walks to the door. He doesn't pause as he steps out, nor does he say anything. All I hear is the click of the door being shut.  
  
"Um... I think Sirius and I have some papers to go through," Serene says, breaking the silence. She pulls Sirius and they get out of the house.  
  
"Yes, Remus and I need to go uh... go," Constance says uncertainly, as she leads Remus out the door to.  
  
So this is where it comes to. Dexter and I, discussing something that we never dared to discuss; James.  
  
"Lily," he starts off gently, pulling me down to sit with him. I can't look at him, and I dont even know why. "Maybe... maybe what we're doing is the wrong thing."  
  
"Wrong?" I repeat dumbly.  
  
He nods at me. "It's true; I knew that James liked you. Infact, I knew long before I even met you, when he was fourteen and I was I think around fifteen. But when I saw you, I just couldn't help myself. I always thought James was exaggerating about you, but when I finally saw you for myself, I figured he told no lie."  
  
At this, I blush. That's pretty sweet. I never knew James would compliment me. Or that he liked me since... fourth year. Well, to my knowledge at least.  
  
"I felt bad for asking you out; especially that I did it on his birthday. But I really like you, Lily. And I guess it's a bit selfish of me to keep you for myself when there is someone else who's more deserving than me."  
  
James more deserving? Did Dex not hear what James said?! "So are you breaking up with me?"  
  
"I just think that... we shouldn't be seeing each other under such circumstances."  
  
"Right."  
  
Awkward silence. Sighh...  
  
"James is a really decent person though."  
  
I look over at Dex who has a dead serious face on. I feel like bursting out in laughter but I painfully hold it in.  
  
"Honestly. He's sweet, he's caring, he's loyal - aside from what just happened - and he really likes you Lily. He truly does."  
  
I heave a sigh, not knowing what to do. Right now, no matter how nice people tell me James is, I still want to punch that mother fucker.  
  
"Well, I'll see you around Lily. But can you do me a favour?" Dex says, getting up and walking towards the door.  
  
I stand up and follow him. "What's that?"  
  
"Just give James a chance will ya? I think you won't regret it."  
  
"I'll see."  
  
And at this, he walked out the door.  
  
So I guess it's true; good things don't last forever. And there he goes - my perfect fabulous boyfriend who makes me forget that my life is miserable shit - out the door and never to come back. Thanks a lot James.


	12. Problems solved

**! ! ATTENTION ! PLEASE READ THE FOLLPOWING AUTHOR'S NOTE ! !**

**a/n:** to kat-firefly; you have made a good point; how DID james know all that stuff about lily? i will not reveal that until later on in the chapters. so have patience for you will one day know. one day.

**now as for the rest of you...**

please keep the reviews coming. i know i dont have a lot, considering as some people have lesser chapters than i do with over.. what.. say 200 reviews? well.. SCREW YOU!!! hahaha no, nevermind. some of that stuff's pretty good. i've finally took the time to actually read something on this thing, and it turned out pretty good. sadly, my story isnt as well seeing as it's my debut story.

check out my partner's work; mr nutters. i'm ms buggers incase you're still confused. there are two people to this account, so do not be fooled. i write only lily and james stuff, while mr nutters writes mostly about harry and hermione (!WHICH IS SUCH A CONSPIRACY COUPLE). you shall never catch me supporting those two. absolutely platonic.

other than that, please read some of his things; it's pretty good. many people would think that since it's a _BOY_ writing, it wouldnt be good. well let me tell you something; what about philip pullman? or christopher paolini? or nicholas sparks? or garth nix? they're not women are they? i think NOT. so dont be prejudice and read it. (especially mimbulus madness - which isn't a one shot [!gasp] _i know, i kn_ow)

anyhoo, i'm trying to squeeze in as many updates on this story before school starts. for my sophmore year, i have finally decided to take some action and try. yes - _try. _maybe i should start participating and doing my homework... not that my marks arent great. they're actually pretty good considering that i do nothing but sit there. i might not be a 90 grade point student, but my marks will get me somewhere (i hope.)

ergo; because of grade 10, the literacy test, homework, tests, essays and projects, i won't exactly be updating as frequent as before. _never fear - _i will never abandon this story. i cannot abandon something not fully finished; thus, no matter the consequences, you will read an ending to this. it might take a while seeing as i plan to make this up until their death. (yes, i do find their death quite sad, but no, i do not wish it didn't happen.)

so enjoy this chapter; i know, it cuts straight to the point, but... whatever.

**disclaimer:** didja jusss fart?!

* * *

Remember when I said that moping around the house was such a bore? Well, that's exactly what I'm doing now. Actually, it's what I've been doing for the past week. In my turtle pajamas, my hair in a frivilous craze, sitting around or dragging my feet everywhere. Constance says that I have a terrible eating disorder which I denied. Of course it's true! I've gained at least ten pounds this week, eating and drinking junk! I can't help it! I'm a disaster! I wasn't like this when I broke off with Jeremy! Or that... that... that guy... whoever he was. So why is this different? I _don't_ know! Maybe I guess it's because Dex actually meant something. And he was taken away from me. Oh wait; I was taken away from James and then James had taken Dex away from me. So it all works out.  
  
At the moment, I'm still a bit put out. Constance had tried to cheer me up by putting me up on dates, but Remus had come over and put a stop to it, saying that maybe, _just maybe_, James wouldn't be comfortable with it. The hell with that loser. Serene came and tried to set me straight too, but with a different tactic. Her method was to be as harsh as possible. Her exact words were _"LILY, GET YOUR FUCKING FAT UGLY ASS OFF THAT FUCKING COUCH AND DO SOME PUSHUPS FOR MERLIN'S SAKE!"_ She was quite pitiless. But Sirius had come over and carried her off, saying it was useless to try to cheer me up because I was as stubborn as a dingus. However insulting that was, I was relieved that he pried her away from me; one can really take so much of yelling in their ear.  
  
Not that Sirius and Remus themselves haven't tried - their method was just different. They asked me to make a list of Dexter Potter and James Potter - though I don't know why - and to list the positive and negative aspects of both of them. Yes, I did finish the list; no, I did not bother looking at it. I didn't even bother thinking of real reasons. Remus took the sheet from me and looked intently at me. Sirius on the other, started giggling like a school girl and slapped me on the shoulder. I walked away.  
  
Right now, I'm really pissed off. I don't exactly blame James for the harsh actions, but he didn't have to reveal all those nasty things about me. By the way... how _did_ he know all those things about me? Is he stalking me? Nah... he can't be _that_ desperate. Anyway, I'm still mad at the little twinkie. He could've just asked me out if he wanted me so badly! Oh wait - he's been doing that for the past... let's see... fifth year, sixth year, seventh year... take away auror training year and add this year... wow. Four years he's been after me. And all this time I said no? If I were him, I'd get mad at me too. I mean, the only reason why I hated him so much was because he was such a pompous dick. No one was as cocky as he was - minus Sirius. He finally deflated himself after all those years, and when I finally find him decent enough, he just takes another rude spin at me and makes me hate him again. You know, this is all his fault. It really is. But really, aside from his old attitude, I'd understand why all those Hogwarts girls had liked him. Quidditch captain, good muscular structure, pure-blooded and rich, nice looking. Too bad I hate him eh?  
  
"Give me that!"  
  
I feel a snatch of my bag of potatoe crisps. My crisps! They're being taken away from me! I turn sharply around and face an angry Constance.  
  
"Gimme back my crisps!" I demand, reaching forward, but she holds them tightly.  
  
"No, I will not!" she retorts, giving me a stubborn thump of the foot.  
  
"I want my crisps!"  
  
"I want you to stop eating and lose some weight!"  
  
"Why are you putting me in such woe?! Give me my crisps!"  
  
She says nothing. I stop reaching for my crisps. We're just... standing around, looking at eachother. I see her grip loosening on the bag of crisps, and take this opportunity to snatch them back.  
  
"A_HA_! Loser, I got my crisps back!" I tease, sticking out my tongue and reaching in for a handful of the spuds.  
  
"Don't you dare put that in your mouth," she warns, giving me her icy cut-eye. Like that's scary - I can make meaner ones. I give her my own cut eye but she does not back down.  
  
I slowly raise my fist full of crisps, ready to put them in my mouth.  
  
"Don't you _dare_, Lily Annalise Evans!"  
  
"I'm daring, Constance Faye Kruberra!"  
  
Before she can stop me, I shove the food inside my mouth, and give her a hearty smile with my cheeks bulging until I can see them. She looks scandalised, which makes me increase my smile even more. Her right hand seems to be shaking madly... I wonder why - !  
  
Did she just _slap_ me in the face?!  
  
I stand there dumbly, my mouth open, still with crisps inside. The rest had fallen out onto the floor. Constance too stands there, with her mouth open, but she herself looks a bit flustered. Angry rage is boiling inside of me.  
  
"You _BITCH!_" I screech, thrusting my fist inside the crisps bag, and throwing the food in her face. I'm not stopping; I'll show her! No one gives me no bitch slapping and gets away with it.  
  
But as I'm throwing the crisps, she doesn't seem to be fazed. She quickly lunges for me and pulls my hair.  
  
"Get a hold of yourself Lily!" she yells, not letting go.  
  
"Let go of me!" I call, still trying to aim crisps at her.  
  
"NO!"  
  
At this, she seems to be pulling me by the hair to the living room, and pushes me to the couch. She stands there, panting and glaring at me. I sit there, holding my very aching head, as if I could push my hair back in. She is _such_ a bitch sometimes! Suddenly, I feel angry at her. _Very_ angry. Her back is to me. She's trying to catch some air...  
  
Before she knows it, I launch from my seat, onto her back, pulling her ears. She cries out in pain.  
  
"Does that hurt, Constance?! Because if it does, then _good_!"  
  
"You are _so_ going to pay for this Lily!"  
  
So here the fight begins. She seizes me by the head and flips me over onto the floor, which I hit painfully. She take a pillow from the couch and starts whipping me with it. The only thing that will put a stop to this whipping is for me to kick her face. And so I do it. She screeches in horror.  
  
"Don't kick me!"  
  
"Don't whip me!"  
  
"AUGHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
"GET OFFFFFFFFFFFFF!"  
  
We are now trying to hit each other, face to face; as if on a combat. I will show her; and I will win! She's way weaker than me anyways. Like that time when we had our first fight in thrid year. It was in Charms class and we were suppossed to be launching things from one side of the room to the other. She had sneakily launched the cushion in my face, and since I was mad at her for being mad at me, I retaliated. Before long, our wands were forgotten and we started throwing things at each other. I was stronger both with the wand and with my arms. But of course, Professor Flitwick called us outside and made us sit and talk. That solved our problem.  
  
But it's not going to solve this one! I'm determined to win!  
  
Although, while I'm thinking about all this, she uses it to her advantage and slips me onto my stomache and sits ontop of me.  
  
"GET OFF! YOU'RE HEAVY!"  
  
"NOT AS HEAVY AS YOU!"  
  
And now she's hitting me with the pillow again.  
  
"STOP IT CONSTANCE! I HATE YOU!"  
  
"I HATE YOU TOO!"  
  
"OUCHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
"DOES THAT HURT LILY?! BECAUSE IT'S SUPPOSSED TO!"  
  
"GET OFF!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"STOP!"  
  
At this, we both freeze and become silent. I lift my sweaty head to find Remus and Sirius there, looking at us with confused face. But After the brief pause, Constance goes back to hitting me and I go back to yelling.  
  
"STOP ACTING LIKE A PIG AND CLEAN YOURSELF UP LILY!"  
  
"YOU SHOULD BE TALKING CONSTANCE!"  
  
"I SHOULD BE TALKING, BECAUSE I'M NOT THE DIRTY ONE HERE!"  
  
She continues hitting me, but then all of a sudden it stops. I roll over on my back to see that Remus had lifted Constance off me and was holding her above his head as if she weighed nothing. Constance on the otherhand was flailing her arms, still trying to aim for me. Sirius came over to me and picked me up, holding me above his head.  
  
"Put me _down_, Remus!" Constance screams, trying to wiggle her way out of his grip. Because of some super strength he has, it's not working. As I watch her useless attempts to be freed, I laugh merrily to myself.  
  
"What?!" she asks scathingly. I continue my stream of laughter, and finally she gets why I'm laughing. Her scowl turns into a grin as she too now begins to laugh.  
  
Confused, both Sirius and Remus let us down, but keep steady hands alert on our shoulders incase anything happens. Nothing is happening except that we're laughing our asses off at something that isn't even that funny.  
  
Our laughter eventually dies down, and we're standing there panting, avoiding each other's eye. Remus and Sirius still have their hands on our shoulders, but their grip loosened. I look up at Constance and feel a twinge of guilt. I make for her direction but Sirius' grip suddenly increases.  
  
"Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt her," I say hastily. He raises a brow but says nothing. I walk over to Constance. "I promise that I'll stop this stupid eating disorder and start working out again. And I'll try to act normal."  
  
Constance looks at me suspicioulsy, but then smiles again. "I promise to not be such a bitch."  
  
We stare at each other for a long time, and then start laughing again, hugging each other.  
  
Sirius looks over at Remus who shrugs in reply.  
  
"Girls," they mutter together, shaking their heads.

- - - - - -  
  
The good thing about me and Constance is that with our every fight, we don't exactly apologize. Apologizing just isn't neccissary because we both have unspoken apologies. I love my best friend more than anything in the world.  
  
As promised, I stopped with my horrible habit and regained composure. I'm now back to my normal self (almost) and am feeling great! I had a talk about my breakup with Seren and Constance which really helped because I needed to get things off my chest. Now, I'm more of a social person.  
  
Constance and I got a call from none other than Damien Vector, who invited the both of us to his wedding. His wedding! Honestly, isn't he moving a bit too fast? Didn't he and Constance _just_ break up? Oh well, as long as he's happy right? Constance doesn't seem to mind at all; infact, she's thrilled for him. He even asked the marauders to attend. Apparantly, his new fiance is Marisa Luenne. Yes, Marisa from Gryffindor, who's mirror I broke. She too took a job with Arithmancy, and got offered a job at Hogwarts. I felt a bit mad that Constance wasn't accepted, but she said that she was offered it first. She had declined, saying that she had another job offer at some foreign wizarding school. Anyways, it's good that Marisa's with Damien. They both fit together fabulously. And Marisa Vector sounds much better than Constance Vector. But now that you think about it, Constance Lupin really isn't too catchy itself is it? Well, maybe Constance will stick with her own name. Nothing really goes with her name anyway. Although we were invited to the wedding, we all declined to go, seeing as we wouldn't really be comfortable. Constance had insisted that she wasn't the least bit bothered, but the rest of us were. Remus especially, but he didn't say anything. And neither did we.  
  
Well, here I am, at my office. I still haven't spoken to James. I've seen him around, casually flirting with the office girls or just lazing about with Sirius. The only thing he says to me is 'hello'. I stiffly reply a hello, and that's about it. Serene has tried to get us back on talking term,s but I think that's a flop. He's too busy being the same old arrogant jerk he was back in fifth year with his stupid office girls.  
  
I walk to the coffee machine, trying to make myself a cup of tea. It's really stupid; half the office drinks tea yet they don't both to install a tea machine do they? No. So as a result, I bring my own teapot and tea leaves, filling it with hot water from the machine. I carry my pot of boiling water carefully down the hall back to my desk when...  
  
"AIIIIII!" I screech, suddenly filled with pain on my stomache and legs. My skirt and blouse are wet, and my skin is scalding. Hot tears excruciate from my eyes, as a wince, not moving. I can see my pot from the corner of my eye; it's all smashed and broken. I look infront of me to see James.  
  
"_You!_" I say in distress, giving him an evil look.  
  
"_Me!_" he announces with pride, but he doesn't get up either. I look at his oxford which is wet on the whole left side of his arm.  
  
"Watch where you're going Potter!"  
  
"I should say the same thing with _you_, Evans!"  
  
"I was!"  
  
"No you weren't! You had your eyes on the stupid pot the whole time!"  
  
"Well, you weren't looking either! You were too busy making googly eyes with that girl!"  
  
At this, I hear a gasp ahead of me but I choose to ignore it. We sit there breathing heavily in pain, but I feel the hotness wavering away. I'm about to lift my fingers to press on my burnt skin, but James stops me.  
  
"Don't do that," he says, grabbing me by the arm. At first, I let him hold my wrist, feeling his warm fingers against my skin. But I realise what's happening and pull away.  
  
"Why not?" I ask defiantly.  
  
"It can ruin your skin. Just wait a bit."  
  
I can see where he's going with that; it's true. I hastily put my arm down, still in a numb pain.  
  
James heaves a sigh and looks at me. I choose to turn away from him. His stupid face can talk to my cheek.  
  
"Look, Lily. I'm sorry I said all those things infront of everyone."  
  
I say nothing.  
  
"And I'm sorry that I caused you and Dexter to break up."  
  
Pfft. Yeah right.  
  
"And I'm sorry for ignoring you or being mean to you. I didn't mean half the things I said."  
  
I finally look at him. He expects me to feel bad and forgive him, but no! I do not forgive that easily!  
  
"If you didn't mean them, then why did you say them?" I ask grudingly.  
  
"Because I was mad at you," he replies.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I felt like you betrayed me."  
  
"How?"  
  
"You knew I liked you, Lily. And I know that you knew for ages. After all those years of solid rejection, I still didn't give up. When you finally agreed to go out with me, you even had to make our friends come along. But then Dexter strolls in, and you waltz away with him. It's a bit of a punch in the face isn't it? You've been trying to get someone for years and all it takes is your cousin to take it away."  
  
I look at him. I do feel guilty about this. He really does look sad.  
  
"Dexter knew I liked you. I've been telling him about you for ever. And then he just comes along and takes you away from me. And the worst part is, you agreed to go along with him. What do you see in him that you don't see in me?"  
  
Wait a second... is this James Potter talking? Because it seems quite unbelievable.  
  
"James, the thing is - " I say, but am interrupted by him.  
  
"No. The thing is, I don't know why, but maybe I'm just not right for you. I mean, I really don't see much of a difference between myself and my cousin. We're both pure bloods, we both have the Potter hair. He's just older, a bit taller, with no glasses and a Healer. Okay, maybe he's a bit more mature too, but that's all I see. Maybe you see something else. I don't know."  
  
"James, I don't hate you. I like you... just not _that_ way."  
  
"Yeah... I understand."  
  
"Well, Dex and I aren't together anymore. So that shouldn't bother you."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"Its okay."  
  
"Really?"  
  
I dont know if I'm okay with it. _Do_ you just forgive a person for taking away something that meant so much to you?  
  
"Did you forgive Dex?" I asked curiously.  
  
"Well, yeah. I mean, he's my cousin and all. No matter what, he'll always be family. And besides, he was really sorry."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I forgive you James."  
  
"Seriously?"  
  
"I guess. I mean, Dex and I aren't even together are we? Why get mad at something that isn't even something?"  
  
"I really am sorry Lily."  
  
I look at him straight in the eyes. I see sorrow and guilt there. For the first time in my life, I knew that James was being hand-on-heart honest with me.  
  
"I know you are James."  
  
"So... are things gonna be awkward with us?"  
  
"I won't let them be."  
  
"Friends?"  
  
Friends? That's something I never exactly considered to be with James Potter. I continue to look at him as he looks shyly at me with his hand held out. James Potter _shy?!_ Anyway, I think back to all those times we've shared together since he came into our Auror building. All those laughs and inside jokes we shared, the dinners we tried to make, the times where we'd just sit and talk about anything or nothing at all. And at this point, it just hits me that no matter how much I've denied it, James Potter had become my friend. A friend. I smile at him.  
  
He seems to be giving me a funny look as I smile over at him. But eventually, his famous grin returns. I ignore his hand, and instead, lean over to give him a hug.  
  
"Friends."  
  
James Potter and I are friends. Something I never thought would happen. Call the pope people, because you've just witnessed a miracle. Hey... something seems to feel funky. Infact, it's starting to hurt now... okay, this isn't cool.  
  
"_OUCH!_"  
  
Not only did I scream that, but so did James. With our bodies pressed together on the burnt parts of ourselves, we have just ruined our skin. That's not cool. We look over at each other and burst out laughing.  
  
I think I'll be enjoying this.


	13. Just friends

**a/n:** if you're going to put **_trippeh_** oh your author alerts, the least you could do is **give a fucking review**. its not that hard.

**disclaimer:** bite me. i'm delicious.

* * *

Being friends with James Potter _does_ have its advantages. Apparantly, he knows a lot of store owners; being a Potter really does enable you to many of the best things out there. He introduced me to many of the owners, and now, I get things for a cheaper price. Another things is that his own house is actually quite posh. I just noticed how... huge it is. Why he comes to _my_ house practically everyday is a mystery. His house has everything! And I mean everything. Three swimming pools - one indoor, two outdoor - a bigass kitchen, and five bedrooms. He even has his own quidditch pitch and four Cleansweep Sevens. I don't exactly know how rich he is, but I'm guessing this guy's pretty loaded... not that I'm atracted to rich men...  
  
I'm _NOT!_ Think what you like then; I could care less. I mean, yes, being rich is attractive, but it's what's on the inside. But sadly, what's on the inside of James Potter is immaturity, arrogance, ill humour and... and a _very_ handsome young man. Oh gross! I _so_ take that back. Forget I said that.  
  
I think that ever since I claimed friendship with James, everyone of us - James, Constance, Remus, Serene, Sirius and myself - have all become even closer. Now that there aren't any disputes between us (minus the _occassional_ disagreements), our bond has become what I guess stronger. Another thing that's good is when we all go out, I'm not alone, seeing as the other four seem to migle with thesmelves. It's funny because James and I spend our time making fun of them.  
  
Like that night when Serene and Sirius were sharing a lobster dinner, Sirius was trying to squirt lemon juice, but got it in Serene's eye. Man, that was hilarious! You should've seen Serene! She was squinting like crazy with a fountain of tears rolling down, trying to scold Sirius, wiping her eye and getting the juice out all at the same time. Sirius was trying to help her wipe her eyes while apologizing, but failing in both deeds. Remus had to keep asking for napkins while Constance was also trying to help Serene. Because of this situation, our table was the loudest; and to add to the noise was the fact that James and I were howling with laughter. In the end, Serene ended up with a red eye, Sirius ended up with a few bruises, Remus was announced the most demanding and annoying guest whilst Constance ended with an elbowed ear. James and I were given steady leers from the tables around; but I don't think we noticed because we were too busy laughing our asses off.  
  
Life with the marauders really _is_ a different one. For one thing; you gotta keep up with your grocery list because the fridge will be cleared out in five hours. Your house will never stay clean with the fresh scent of fruit. Candy wrappers will be flying everywhere with pumpkin pasties smeared across your walls. Cauldron cakes slathered on the bottom of your dining table, coffee rings imprinted on your coffee table, and the kitchen counter constantly loaded with undeterminable crumbs.  
  
But it's not always that bad. You can always ask them to transfigure things into other things for you. For instance, my mother was coming over, and I know she hates my taste in furniture, so I asked them to transfigure things for me. Like my couch; instead of the regular couch, I asked them to changed it into a bigger and more stiff couch. Or my bed; I asked them to take away the four posters. It's quite handy for them to be around for these things while I mingle around the house drinking martinis.  
  
Also, now that they've made our house their second home; they really _do_ treat it like home. Sure, they... mess it up a bit; but they _do_ take care of it. There are never any dirty dishes or laundry miling about, and everything's cleaned at least once a week. I never knew they were this strict about house cleaning; James had yelled at me when I put the dishes back into the cupboards when they weren't completely dry. And Remus had gotten mad at Constance because she folded clothes the wrong way. Honestly! Clothes and dishes don't matter!  
  
Order business has never been more hectic. Voldemort - I still shudder saying his name - is still gaining more power and followers. Now, don't be fooled by me; I might appear to you as having such a nice carefree life. That's where you're wrong. No matter how... loose I seem, the thought of Voldemort still scares me. I'm still trying to get over the fact that the cruciatus curse was put unto me. I can still feel the pain; you don't know what pain is until you've felt that damned curse. I even heard that it can drive people insane. I'd rather die than stay insane. But I don't want to die yet; I still need to get old. And I still need to get rich - but you usually get old before you get rich, so that's just a waste isn't it? I think so. Anyways, back on the Order; fresh assignments were handed out to me just a week ago, and luckily, I came back unharmed. Everyone did actually.  
  
Now that Moody sees me as 'better', he's put me back on some training excersizes. Sometimes, I wish that I'd just stay weak and sick because he makes you do rough things. He sent all us auror-in-trainings into this huge room. He made the room look like some big park, which at first I thought was funny. I was surprised to say the least. He made us get into tees and shorts and running gear, which at first we thought was a bit crazy. I had this idea that he was gonna make us do some weird muggle weight lifting, but then Moody's a pure blood who thinks that 'these damn muggle trinkets' are just bits of 'pish-posh made for the deluded'. I was a bit offended by that; but now that I think of it, it's kinda true.  
  
Anyway, so he got us into the full running gear. If we thought the room was big, he charmed it to eight times its size. And I'm not exaggerating. He _really_ made it eight times its size. So that was about... 15 miles per say? He made us a running track which zig-zagged everywhere in the room, and set up obstacles, such as road blocks, fake Death Eaters with fake muggles around a street, werewolves, unicorns and other animals... you get the gist don't you? And we were suppossed to run around that, trying to overbear each obstacle - how to get out of a dead end, how to catch Death Eaters while protecting muggles and being discreet about it, and all that jazz. If it weren't horrible enough, he made the room pitch black, storming heavily with roaring thunder and a nasty billowing wind.  
  
Because of that dumb training, all of us were sick, injured or scared to death from pitch blackness. I came home with an ugly cold and a horrible hacking cough. Serene jumped at every noise she heard. Sirius , apart from the bruises he got from Serene - earned himself a bump on the head and a crooked pinky-finger.James however, came out with a black eye, a bloody nose, an elbowed rib and a limp - not from the excersize, but from us. He had been so thrilled about the whole thing that he came out eclectic and with high full-blast energy, asking if we could do it again. Unfortunately, Moody, who never even considered that, had agreed with James and sent us back in there again, rearranging all the obstacles incase we'd cheat our way out. So when we did come out, we gave James the needed injuries he should've gotten.  
  
No matter how much we hated Moody's fucked up obastacle, I have to admit; it did me pretty good. I now have expirience to deal with muggles in a magical situation, I can get out of road blocks, and I know how to manage a Blast Ended Skrewt. I was never a fan of magical creatures and I'm still not. The Skrewts scared me half to death as I jumped - sadly onto Frank who fell on Alice - and started to cry for half the course. The Skrewt managed to burn my butt, so now, my bum's all tender and I need to be careful with sitting down and all that stuff. I've acquired quite a few guffaws from this; and let me say, the outcomes aren't pretty if you make fun of me. I may look like some pansy girl, but I know a few hexes.  
  
I'm walking around my house out of sheer boredom yet again. Constance has a lunch date with her parents and Remus. She was kinda fidgety about it, but I told her not to worry. The Kruberras have known Remus for practically his whole life; they're like his second parents. I personally think that they're quite happy that their daughter finally ended up with him.  
  
Everyone else has other plans; Serene's stuck with paper work, Sirius and James are fixing some motor bike which they got from a muggle junk shop. Sirius was quite the jolly camper after purchasing it; because it was his first muggle trinket he ever owned. They're bewitching it to fly and all that... so in the end, it won't exactly be all muggle would it?  
  
I'm up in my room now, where I'm just sitting around... doing nothing. Maybe a book would help. I'm that bored aren't I? Now that I think of it, I havent picked up a book in ages! I walk towards my book shelf, but something else catches my eye. A folded up piece of parchment. A don't know why, but it looks vaguely familiar. I pick it up and carefully unwrap it from its foldings to reveal some kind of list. I peer more closely at it and realize what it is.  
  
It's the list that Remus and Sirius made me write up after breaking up with Dex. I remember never even glancing at it after writing it. Ehh.. maybe I'll just take a peak, I mean, now that Dex and I aren't even anything, it wouldnt hurt to look right? I see two names - James Potter and Dexter Potter. Why they made me put James there is still a complete mystery to me. I also remember Remus giving me odd looks while Sirius kept mocking me with laughter. I wonder why... maybe I _should_ read this.  
  
Let's see... positive aspects of Dexter Potter: tall, good looking, healer, perfect  
  
Wow... is that all I put? Perfect shouldn't even be there! It's not really a reason is it?  
  
Negative aspects of Dexter Potter: short attention span, too needy, selfish at times, constantly working, always treats me like a little kid  
  
Well, the last one's the truest. Now that I think of it... he really is all of that. I remember that I wasn't even thinking while I was writing this. Wow... I must self consciencely hate him sometimes.  
  
Okay... positive aspects of James Potter: good looking, well built, smart, always has time for fun, always willing to listen, always _there_  
  
Hahaha... always there. Well, he _is_ always there isn't he?  
  
Negative aspects of James Potter: air-headed at times, over-confident  
  
....And that's all I put for negatives of James? Hmmm.... this deserves some thinking.  
  
I wonder why I never liked James. I mean, the only bad thing about him was his arrogance right? Aren't all boys arrogant at that stage of life? Okay, Remus wasn't. Neither was Peter. Oh yeah... that Edwin Cho guy wasn't. Frank Longbottom wasn't... well, the point is, James isn't arrogant anymore. Okay, he can still be a prat sometimes, but he's loads better.  
  
And besides, why am I even having such thought? James and I are _friends_. Just _friends_.  
  
"Lily!"  
  
A voice from downstairs calls to me. I walk out of my room, carelessly throwing down the list, and find Remus and Constance at the foot of the stairs.  
  
"Lil - oh, there you are," Constance says, looking at me.  
  
"What?" I ask, a little annoyed at being interrupted. Seriously; I keep getting interrupted these days.  
  
"We're going out for dinner, and you're coming."  
  
"I am? Who's going?"  
  
"Well, me, Remus, Sirius, Serene, James, Peter and you."  
  
Peter? Did she just say Peter?  
  
"Yes, Peter is coming too," Remus says, chuckling at the face I make.  
  
"James too right?" I ask, trying to sound light.  
  
Constance raises an eyebrow at me. "Obviously."  
  
With that, the pair of them walk into the kitchen, leaving me at the stairs. James is coming too! But why am I so happy? Doesn't he... _always_ come? And besides, we're _just_ friends.  
  
Just _friends_.

- - - - - - - - - -  
  
We turn out to be going to some fancy dinner place. And because of that, I must dress up. So here I am, walking to our table in some... dark bottle-green dress with matching shoes and earrings, with my hair just pinned up. Nothing too pretty; this palce doesn't deserve a good dress up. But that's only because I don't like it here. I shall keep that reason to myself, thank you very much.  
  
Constance was yelling at Remus and I on the way here because we had held her up. We're suppossedly 'late'. Okay fine, we _are_ late... but only by ten minutes! That's nothing!  
  
We're walking towards our table, where I see Serene and Sirius there, waiting impatiently and bickering at each other. To their left is Peter Pettigrew, who I haven't seen since... the first Order meeting actually. He's not bad... still a bit on the short side. But he's cleaned up pretty good. To their right is James. I start to smile until...  
  
Who's that bitch beside him?! There's some skanky girl sitting beside him! Touching his hair and squealing with high-pitched fake laughter! And he's flirting _back_ with her! I feel my blood boiling and a gong inside of me goes off.  
  
So much for just friends I guess.


	14. Reaching for the sky

**a/n:** well... school. lucky me; i get history and science in the same semester. science is such a flop. sorry, but i won't be exactly keen on updating. homework's keeping me for at least 2 hours a day. at_ least_. so i'm not exactly enjoying my academic year. have patience for one day this will be finished, and then you all can stop coming back almost everyday... even though no one does that because this story's a drag.

don't fear though. i have started chapter 15... even if i only have like... half a paragraph done. i know, i know. i'm lazy. but lazy am i no longer, because i spend a long time doing my friggin homework. so dont come all up on me with keen comments like updating, because right now i'm not feeling too keen.

**disclaimer:** you suck. its no surprise.

* * *

"Everyone, meet Riley!"  
  
Her name is Riley. She has light brown curly hair. With a tan. She's just a bit taller than me, but a bit shorter than him. She's got a nice nose with yellow-grey eyes. Her nails are done to perfection. She looks flawless; she's everything compared to me. It's not fair! She's better than me in every way! Even her _name_ sounds better than mine! She's one of those girls who get the unisex names which I've _always_ wanted! And she gets a nice one too! It's not _fair!  
_  
James had stood up, arm around this _Riley_, introducing her to everyone.  
  
"These are my three best mates; Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew. These young lovely ladies are Constance Kruberra, Serene Parapara, and Lily Evans."  
  
Her eyes are travelling to each one of us individually. Well, she pauses at us girls at least. She nods at the men.  
  
"Constance Kruberra?" Riley asks tentaively. Constance smiles nicely at her. "I hope you're okay after that horrible wedding disaster?"  
  
"Well, ever since, I've never been better!" Constance announces, grabbing a hold of Remus who smiles at her.  
  
"And Serene Parapara; you're with Sirius black aren't you? James told me," Riley says, gesturing at Sirius.  
  
"Oh!" Serene cries, a bit flustered. "Yes, I am with Sirius." She looks a bit red in the face. Puke.  
  
"You must be Lily Evans then," Riley says, turning on to me. "I've heard enough about you to fill the world from James! And your hair is just lovely!"  
  
My hair is just lovely eh? You're just saying that because you _know_ yours is better! I _hate_ my hair! I give her a fake sugary smile but say nothing, heading towards my seat. There's a pause, but everything soons starts up again.  
  
I'm placed infront of Peter, at the end of the table. Not that it bothers me or anything - it's just... a bit uncomfortable. It's like you have a bunch of friends where you can always talk and joke around with, but when you're alone with them one on one, you can't say anything. Everyone's meddling with themselves. I see Riley making small talk with Constance, Serene, Remus, Sirius, and even Peter. She seems to be making everyone laugh. They're all paying attention to her, while I sit here and sip at my tap water. I don't like tap water. Just like how I don't like Riley.  
  
But everyone else does.  
  
It's like she put them all onto her spell. I mean, it's not that she's rude or anything. Infact, she seems pretty nice. She keeps gesturing at me to include me in the conversation, but I sit, smile weakly or nod. I don't get this. Why do I even hate her? I don't know! Well, she's not _my_ guest anyway. She's James' guest. _James_. Why did he have to bring her? Because of this, I have no one to talk to, no one to listen to, no one to joke around with. I'm sitting by myself in a grumpy mood while everyone's laughing their asses off at some joke the maruaders are telling Riley. The four of them never sat down and told _me_ anything.  
  
One thing I just can't digest is why James brought her along. I mean, doesn't he like _me_ I'm not trying to be all cocky here, but really. He's suppossed to like _me!_ Okay, I may not be the prettiest person here (because that's taken by Riley), I might not be the most outgoing person here (which is also taken by Riley) and I might not be the most jolliest camper here (which is again taken by Riley). But I have some good qualities. I can do charms, I surpassed every single obstacle Moody has thrown at me, _and_ I can speak four different languages - english, spanish, french and ukranian. Can _Riley_ speak four languages? I think _not!_ Or at least... I _hope_ not. Okay, back to the point. Didn't he say he likes me? Why is he suddenly stopping?! Just when I thought he _might_ be okay?! Fustration is SO not cool!  
  
This dinner is not going well. I'm bored. I have nothing to do. I want to go home and get away from stupid Riley.  
  
- - - - -  
  
I got my wish; I got out of that restaraunt early. I don't think anyone even knew I left besides Remus. I whispered to him that I was leaving and he gave me a suspicious look but thankfully said nothing about. He nodded and that's where I left.  
  
I don't exactly feel like going home just yet. So I take the slow way home; no apparating, just walking. Walking sixteen blocks back home in heels. My feet are killing me, but I can't take them off. There's bits of glass and such everywhere, and it'd be nasty if I suddenly stepped in bird turd. So far, I'm three quarters of the way there, having kept count of the blocks. Twelve gone, four more to go. It's not that bad. Before, I'd complain and faint at such a pace, but ever since Moody's training, I've gotten through harsher times than this. I guess his work really does pay off in the long run. I really _do_ admire that man; even if he is a bit gruff and needs a chill pill once in a while.  
  
I can't believe that no one even paid the slightest attention to me. No one even looked up while I stood, grabbing my purse and all. They were all centred on Riley. I wish I could just punch her pretty face and ruin it permanently. Do you think I'm bitter? Everyone has their bitter moments. I just tend to be a bit more bitter than your usual person. I'm a red head; I can't help but fulfill that position. Oh hey, three blocks to go.  
  
Funny thing; the waiter didn't even notice me. She was taking everyone's order and left me out. How can you possibly not see me? My hair is _red!_ Red stands out! How many redheads are at the table? _One!_ It was Remus who had remembered and asked what I wanted. The waiter squeaked a sorry which I did not forgive. I hastily gave in my order with her walking stiffly away and me with a scowl. I didn't even eat it; I left two minutes after it was served. Two blocks to go.  
  
I don't care if I'm wasting food. Normally, I'm all _'don't waste food; be thankful you get some'_, but at that point of the moment, I could care less. I'll just make whoever's there pay for it. I hope it's Riley who pays for it. She'll be wasting a good fifteen quid and seventy four pence. Well, whoever's paying for me will be fifteen quid and seventy four pence poorer. I even ordered myself a glass of white wine; so that adds a bit more. One more block.  
  
I'm tired. I'm mad. I'm hungry. All I want to do is get out of these clothes and into my pajamas, make some mashed potatoes and plop myself infront of the television. Oh screw this. I take out my wand and apparate back into my room, where I point my wand to myself and quickly change into my pajamas. Now that's more like it.  
  
I sit infront of my turned on television, and magically make a bowl of mashed potatoes smothered in gravy. Good. Now I'll be fat and every man's desire. An auburn nineteen yearold stuffing mashed potatoes and gravy in her mouth - how seducing.  
  
After about another hour, Constance and Remus walk inside the house, followed by the rest of the dinner crew. I glance angrily at them but turn back to the television as they're walking inside to the living room.  
  
"Lily!" Constance says, with a pitch of suprise in her voice. "How did you get some so fast? Weren't you just right behind us?"  
  
Right behind you? Oh my...  
  
"I could've sworn you were two steps behind me!" Serene claims, coming into the room.  
  
Is my presence that unoticeable?  
  
"Are you using some sort of speed charm that we don't know of?" Sirius says, eyeing my wand which is beside me on the table.  
  
I wish.  
  
"Actually," Remus breaks in, looking a bit red. "She was gone three hours ago. I forgot to tell you all."  
  
"Gone?" Serene and Constance ask together dumbly.  
  
Where else would I be?  
  
"Oh, were you feeling sick?" says a voice from behind everyone. Riley walks into view, closely followed by James. He has his arm around her. Now that I think of it, I do feel sick.  
  
"Yes," I say dully, continuing eating my potatoes.  
  
"Do you need to go to St Mungos?" Peter asks, looking concerned and scared.  
  
"I don't think she's sick enough for the hospital," James says, making a 'tsk' sound at his friend.  
  
Everyone is now piling around our living room. Why Riley is even here is anyone's guess. Maybe Constance invited her over. Well, if she's here, I refuse to be here.  
  
While they're all picking up with their conversation which they probably had before turning up here, I push myself up and into the kitchen, where I throw my bowl in the sink. It makes a loud clang sound, but no one notices because they're laughing too hard to hear.  
  
I was wrong. James sticks his head in and peers curiously at me.  
  
"Something wrong, Lily?"  
  
I stand there, looking at my bowl, which unfortunately has shattered and chipped into pieces.  
  
"Lily?"  
  
My favourite green bowl is broken and no one knows nor cares.  
  
"Helloooo? Lily?"  
  
No one noticed that I was gone for the past three hours, and they assume I just followed them out.  
  
"Lily, are you okay?"  
  
No one cares. No one _cares_.  
  
James is now beside me, waving his stupid hand infront of my face. Stupid annoying little prat who's too arrogant and cocky to know anything! Stupid dumbass who doesn't care! Stupid dumb friend who doesn't even know anything!  
  
"Lily - "  
  
I push my way past his ugly wavering hand and rush upstairs, stomping on my way. Still, no one can hear me. Have I just suddenly become invisible after five hours? I lunge into my room, slamming the door and putting locking charms which cannot be opend with _alohamora_. I put anti-apparating jinxes around the room, and lock my window.  
  
But there really ins't a point. No one even knows I'm up here anyway.  
  
Isn't it just a slap in the face when your thunder is taken by some girl who's better than you in every aspect?  
  
- - - - -  
  
Oh mannn... today's gonna be a big bowl of crap. I don't want to go downstairs. I don't want to face anything. I just want to stay in here and never go out. Now that's a plan; I'll just stay in here so no one will find me.  
  
Too bad I have a strong urge to pee.  
  
I heave a heavy sigh and unlock my room, heading towards the bathroom. Constance's door is locked. That's odd. She's always up before me no matter what. I go in there to brush my teeth when I notice something. A razor. Odd... Constance's razor is always shut inside the cupboard. Oh well, she DID seem a bit on the wayward side last night. Urgh, no talk about last night please.  
  
I come out of the room fully clean, but still see that Constance's door is shut. I shake my head, grab my robe and head down for breakfast. As I sit there, crunching my way along for breakfast, Constance comes down with a big smile on her face. That is, until she spotted me.  
  
"Lily!" she gasped, freezing on the spot. I give her a funny look.  
  
"Constance!" I say, mimicking her tone.  
  
"I thought you'd be... still in bed right now."  
  
"Now?"  
  
"Yes. You're usually the late one."  
  
"It's practically noon buddy."  
  
"Oh, is it?"  
  
I give her another funny look, but at the moment, I hear a pair of shuffling feet coming down from the stairs. My blood suddenly turns cold and I make for my wand, pointing it at the stairs.  
  
"Lily, don't!" Constace says alarmingly, but I don't listen to her. Stop?! When there's a complete stranger in the house? She's really gone mad now!  
  
I see a shadow coming in our direction, and just when they turned the corner into the kitchen, I hit them with a spell._ "Stupefy!"  
_  
The person ducked, and I see who it is. Remus. Oh good... it's just Remus. Wait - _Remus?!_

"Uh, Remus, what are you doing here?" I ask confusedly. He seems to be going red in the face. I look over to Constance who is pointedly avoiding my gaze.  
  
Okay... that's weird. Either I'm missing something or something's up..._ OH!!!_ OH!! Ahhh... I get the point. Oh Constance, you're one little devil aren't ya?  
  
"Well, I'll be uh... moving along," I say, clearing my throat and standing up. I pass Constance, giving her a slap across her shoulder and giggle maniacally out the kitchen.  
  
Can I believe it? Constance and Remus? Of course I can! At least they're finally taking some action now! Good on them. Sigh... at least she gets something. I don't get anything. Maybe breaking up with Jeremy wasn't exactly the smartest thing to do. Heh, yeah right. That was the genius thing to do. I wonder is James and Riley are doing anything... don't think about that Lily.  
  
Just then, who to apparate in but the rest of the gang (minus Peter). Woohoo. And here I am... standing smack in the middle of the hallway in panties and a shirt with my robe undone.  
  
"You know Lily, you should really start doing that more often," Sirius says, leaning against the wall and swishing back his hair. "It's really quite a view."  
  
"Sirius!" exclaims Serene, smacking him on the arm.  
  
"Geez Serene, stop hitting me! I'm more bruised from you than from auror training!"  
  
"You think that's bruised? I'll show you what's bruised!"  
  
"I was just giving her a compliment!"  
  
"I'm your girlfriend! Lily is my _friend!_ Can't you be loyal for a change and stop flirting with other people - especially my friends?!"  
  
"Okay okay, stop the feud," breaks in James, pushing the couple away from each other and stepping to the middle. "Sirius, stop flirting when you have a girlfriend, Serene, stop being over critical, and Lily, that really IS a nice view..."  
  
Even if I turned red and hit him hard on the head, I did enjoy that piece of complimentation. I'm glowing inside, but the fire soon flickers out when Riley shows up behind everyone.  
  
"Morning!" she says, giving us a cheery view of her sugary smile. "Well, technically, it's afternoon... but whatever. Good day!"  
  
Am I suppossed to reply to that? Because I ignored her. She doesn't get my point much does she? I'm guessing not.  
  
"Oh!" cries a voice, near the kitchen. Constance appears and looks even more red.  
  
"Morning Constance!" announces Serene, stepping over to her.  
  
Constance backs away, blocking the kitchen. "Uh... what are you guys doing here today? It's a bit early isn't it?"  
  
"Constance, it's noon."  
  
"That's what I said," I offered, trying to tie my robe. Constance glared at me.  
  
"So um... how long are you planning to stay?" she asks, looking guilty.  
  
"Well, since we have nothing better to do, probably for the day," James says, also going to the kitchen. "Got anything to eat? I'm hungry! No breakfast can do wonders to a guy. Right Riley?"  
  
What the fuck is that suppossed to mean? No breakfast?! What have they been doing?!  
  
"I made James take a two hour jog with me this morning and he missed breakfast because it was already 11:30," Riley puts in.  
  
I give a huge audible relieved sigh, earning me looks. "Oh, I just err... I had a... I had an..."  
  
"Itch."  
  
Remus appears behind Constance, helping me with my answer, with a mocking look.  
  
"Yes! That's right! I had an itch and I just scratched it and you know when you get this itchy... itch. Once scratched, there's nothing like it."  
  
"I agree!" Sirius proclaims, giving everyone a serious look. "There's nothing more relieving than an itchy itch scratched."  
  
Phew... that would've been scary. I give Remus a 'thank you' look, which he returns with an 'I'll ask you what's up later' look. He sure knows how to read minds.  
  
"Hey wait a minute - Remus, how'd you get here so fast?" Serene asks, looking at him confusedly.  
  
Constance seems to be muttering something inaudible while shuffling her feet and not looking at them.  
  
Remus, on the otherhand, sighed. "I uh... I - "  
  
"He was having the night of his life," I suggested. He glared at me.  
  
"Moony, you dog!" Sirius says, elbowing Remus in the ribs. "I knew you had it in ya!"  
  
"Piss off Sirius," Remus mutters, shoving Sirius away.  
  
"Was he any good Constance?" James asks, snickering at Remus.  
  
"James, that's a bit personal," Riley says, a bit uncomfortable. "Let's just drop the subject."  
  
"Here here!" Serene says, entering the kitchen, pushing Constance and Remus out of the way. Everyone else followed her in but me. I head up to my room to change properly.  
  
So, I've received two compliments this morning for wearing my underwear. That's not bad. At least I wasn't wearing anything horrible. Anyways, Remus knows now. But then, I think he knew already last night. James is still oblivious to why I stormed out of the kitchen yesterday, and the rest were clueless to the fact that I even went upstairs. It does hurt a bit, but I guess I've gotten over that. What's the point? My position in the group is slowly and cleverly being taken over by Riley. Stupid bitch. I know, I know - she didn't do anything. She's nice and she likes me. I just can't _stand_ her! And now that I'm fully clothed, and there's nothing to do in here, I too must go back down to the ktiched. Damn it. I hate being the odd one out.  
  
I enter the kitchen to find everyone seated around the kitchen eating oatmeal. Oatmeal that I bought just yesterday that shouldn't be opened until tomorrow, after the cereal's finished.  
  
"Come on Lily! Have some oatmeal!" James says, with a mouthful of pasty oats. I say nothing but go to the cupboards to find my breakfast bowl. My oatmeal bowl is a bowl I have just for oatmeal. I'm weird, I know, but in my household, we always had our on bowls for oatmeal. I don't know why, but it's this thing with the Evans family and... I guess it's got onto me. Constance knows about these things that run in my family. Hey, I'll ask her.  
  
"Constance, have you seen my bowl?" I ask, still fumbling around the cupboard, looking for it.  
  
"Oh uh... You already had breakfast, so I thought you weren't going to eat. And there weren't any bowls left."  
  
"Okay... so where is it?"  
  
"I gave it to Riley."  
  
She gave it to Riley. My hands immediately drop to my sides as I stand there, staring at a spot on the cupboard. She gave it to Riley. My bowl. To Riley. Constance gave my bowl to her. She _knows_ that no one uses my bowls. No one uses ANY of them. And there are tons of bowls right here, infront of me.  
  
I slowly turn around, seeing Constance with a look of pure guilt and fear. Remus seems to be trying to subtley shield her from my wrath. Everyone else is just dumbfounded.  
  
"Uhh... I'm sorry Lily. I didn't know this was yours. Would you like it back?" asks Riley tentively.  
  
My stare shoots up quickly to her, making her shrink back. I raise my eyebrow. "No thank you; I'm good. Continue on with your breakfast."  
  
"I'm really sorry Lily..."  
  
"It's okay."  
  
"If you want, you can have it back - "  
  
"I said it's okay! I don't care! Eat!"  
  
Everyone seems to silently get back to their meal as I grab one of the bowls infront of me. This is sick. I can't eat oatmeal in this! It's a conspiracy! But _no! Riley_ has my bowl. _My_ bowl! I try to hide my anger that's boiling inside of me and go to the oatmeal box. I'm trying to find the banana-nut oatmeal flavour. That's by far my most favourite and there's only two packets of it in each box of oatmeal you buy. I fumble around but I can't find it. I've had enough of this. I dump the contents of the box onto the counter, searching for banana-nut. But all I find are packs of apple-spice. I _hate_ apple-spice.  
  
"Where's the banana-nut?" I ask, cracking the silence. Everyone seems to shift around.  
  
"I had one," Sirius says, ducking in advance incase I did anything to him. I ignore his duck but look at his bowl.  
  
"I had the other one..." Riley puts in, hiding behind James.  
  
Okay Lily. No need to lose your temper... you can always buy another box of oatmeal. But first, you need to finish the box of cereal, and then you have to finish all the applespice oatmeal. And _then_ you can have your banana-nut oatmeal. I turn back to the counter, rip open a pack of apple-spice oatmeal, dump it into my bowl and pour some hot water in it.  
  
I go towards the table, hoping to set down my bowl of oatmeal because it's getting hot, but as I reach it, I see there are no mroe available seats. And guess who's in my seat? Yeah, you guessed it. Riley. Constance and Serene look at each other, and then look at me uncomfortably.  
  
"Here, Lily," Serene says, getting up and offering her seat to me. I glare at her and she sits down the next second. I look at everyone person at the table individually, and then I turn around, open the drawer, grab a spoon, slam the drawer back and go out to the dining table, where I drop my bowl down and shove myself onto one of the seats. I pick up my spoon, dip it into the oatmeal, and then shove it into my mouth. Pure shit.  
  
No words can describe my anger. Although half the people didn't do anything, I'm mad at every single person sitting inside my kitchen. Eating my newly bought oatmeal which shouldn't be eaten until tomorrow. Sitting on my hard earned seats. Using my utensils. Laughing away again, forgetting I'm here. I especially hate Riley. Riley who's using _my_ bowl, in _my_ seat, eating _my_ banana-nut oatmeal!!!!  
  
I spot my wand on the coffee table. "Accio wand!"  
  
My wand comes into my hand, and now I'm attempting to charm this gross oatmeal to make it taste better. So far, my attempts have failed. Heyyyyy... if I don't have a good meal, neither should Riley right? Of course I'm right! I'm the smart one! I glance over back to the kitchen where everyone seems to be oblivious of my existance. I giggle crazily to myself, while secretly hexing Riley's food. Not only will it tatse like feet; fifteen minutes after consumed, her breath will smell like feet too! I'm am a _genius! _  
  
Almost right after I set my wand down, Remus approaches me cautiously. He slowly slides into the seat across from me and gives me a long stare.  
  
"May I help you?" I say bitterly, taking yet another bite out of my food. I flinch.  
  
"Come with me," he says, standing up. What's the point of sitting down if you're going to stand up seconds later? People these days; they can't make up their minds!  
  
He quietly goes to the door, holding it for me, waiting for me to step outside. When I'm out, he comes out too, and silently closes the door with a click. He leads me to the sidewalk, where's he walking around the block. Okay, this is weird.  
  
"Lily, how long have I known you?" he sudden;y says, looking down at me. This is a weird question.  
  
"Um... nine years to my knowledge," I say, looking up at him.  
  
"Nine years. I've known James for nine years too."  
  
"So have I."  
  
"I've known both of you. You hated James. James practically bowed down to you. And now you're friends. Such a sight it is."  
  
"What are you getting at Remus?"  
  
"Lily, I know."  
  
He knows. Well, that's not a surprise. I already knew he knew. But the actual confrontation really does bring up a surprise.  
  
"Remus - "  
  
"Wanna talk about it?"  
  
He stops in his tracks, giving me a sidelong look with a raised brow. I look the other direction and sighed. "I don't know how it happened."  
  
To my surprise yet again, he laughs. "Neither do I! But I'm glad it did."  
  
"Why? He's not even into me anymore."  
  
"Eh..."  
  
"He's got Riley. He gave up on me, just when I was giving into him!"  
  
"You can't always have things your way kiddo."  
  
"Becuase of Riley, no one knows I exist anymore."  
  
"That's not true."  
  
"Yes it is! Didn't you hear everyone yesterday?_ 'Where were you Lily? Weren't you right behind us?'_ You were there too Remus! You heard! And even _you_ forgot I wasn't there!"  
  
He says nothing about that. He knows I'm right.  
  
"We were just having too much fun," he says, slowly. Ouch Lily. Ouch.  
  
"Having too much fun with Riley?" I ask scathingly. "You guys never seems to guffaw that loud whenever I'm there."  
  
"Lily - "  
  
"I know when I'm not appreciated, Remus. I know when I'm not wanted. I know that I can be a crucial bitch sometimes. And I know I'm stubborn. But did you guys really have to replcae me with someone's who's better than me in every way?!"  
  
"Don't be silly. We all love you."  
  
"Don't be ridiculus Remus! You saw everyone there just now! Seconds after I go out, they're all clueless about me and they're laughing their heads off. My bowl's taken, and my seat's been taken. Of all people to take those things but Riley!"  
  
"Why do you hate her so much?"  
  
"Because! She has _everything!_ Look at her! She obviously comes from a well off family! Her dress, her jewelery, her actions! She's flawless! She's perfect! She has nice shoes! She has nice hair! She has everything!"  
  
"What you mean is, she has James."  
  
Is that really what I mean? I don't know! I can't think right now. We keep walking until we're at the local park, and I plop myself down on the bench. Remus sits beside me, patiently waiting for my answer.  
  
"She has James."  
  
I turn back to myself, looking at the empty park. There's a solitary tire swing, blowing in the wind. The chains rattle and the see-saw tips endlessly. Leaves make their rustling way across the grass to my feet. The leaves are old, chipped, brown and curling. Remus picks one up.  
  
"A leaf," he says simply. I look up at him, surprised to feel something wet trickle down my left eye. I quickly brush it away, incase Remus would see.  
  
"What?" I ask impatiently.  
  
"James is like a leaf."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"He's like a leaf, Lily. He's fresh, but then he crumples up. And then he comes back again."  
  
"What?!!"  
  
Okay, this talk is getting _nowhere._ A _leaf?!_ Seriously. my time right now could be preciously spent hexing Riley as much as possible.  
  
"What I mean is, even if it doesn't make much sense," Remus says, turning to face me, "James liked you. He's liked you for years. Since first year, when I met him."  
  
"First year!" I exclaim, but am hushed.  
  
"Yes, first year. And he used to ask you out on dates. Remember? He was alive back then, with a fresh fever to finally win you over. But that didn't happen did it?"  
  
"No... I guess not."  
  
"And like a leaf, he crumpled. He stopped. Haven't you noticed that change?"  
  
"Yes..."  
  
"Yes. His heart died. But now, he's come back, fresh again. With someone new."  
  
"Your leaf theory makes sense now."  
  
"He took a chance. He spread his wings, reaching for the sky. The sky failed him. He broke away, coming back again from the darkness into the sun. He never exactly forgot about the sky, but he's taking a risk. Another chance."  
  
Instead of looking at the park scene, I looked up at the sky. It's bright and clear, with a few strands of white. In the distance, I see a bird, soaring away. I watch as it flies by, but it suddenly turns its course, and is off in another direction until I could see no longer. But my sight gets caught onto one of the trees, where another bird rests upon one of its branches. I see it taking flight, heading straight for the sun, but occasionally changing course to either its right or left, at the sky.  
  
I turn back once again to Remus who is also following the bird. "Maybe I should spread my wings too. Out from the darkness, into the light, never forgetting my sky either."  
  
His attention is back to me again, and he looks sadly at me. Instead of commenting, he wraps his arms around me into a bear hug which I greatfully return. To my surprise yet again, tears seem to be leaking from my eyes. It's been a long time since a friend actually listened, and after yesterday and this morning's episode, it's a treat.  
  
"It's not easy to let go," I say, chocking on my words.  
  
"Birds let go, Lily. They need to soar."  
  
"I know Remus. That's what I'm afraid of."  
  
"But then you'll reach your sun."  
  
I'll reach my sun. And so will James. He's already headed towards that direction. Maybe it's time for me too.  
  
"Remus?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You think I'll ever reach the sky?"


	15. Persuing

**a/n:** okayyyy a few notes to a FEW of you.

to Adnama: you dont like constance?! really?! i love constance. she's one of my favourite characters! but thats ok. everyone has a hate. but i think you meant _RILEY_ and accidentally typed in constance. anywayssss, thank you for the compliment; although i must admit that i do not think too well of myself.

to **Christina: **thank you for your wonderful offer, but i must sadly let you down in saying no thank you. i do not need a beta reader as i already have mr nutters. if you have no clue to who mr nutters is, i'd suggest you read our profile. but you dont have to. here - i'll make it easier for you. theres two people on this account. i'm ms buggers and my partner is mr buggers. and we do the reading for each other. and besides, i dont really want to give you much of a hassle during school time. i'm sure you're a great beta, and maybe you could try other people? i'm really sorry about this. but thank you for calling my story good work. if you like beta reading, you should try writing something of your own. i'm sure it'll be awesome.

to **James'ssnitchboxersLover :** thank you for reviewing me, and thank you for saying i'm a good writer. i appreciate it very much. but you know what i dont appreciate? you coming up here and lecturing me about my laziness. i never said i went to college; i attend high school and am a junior, just like you. and i'm sorry that your teachers give you six hours of homework. unlike you, i get a pop quiz at least once a day in any of my subjects, so i do prepare myself before entering every class. my leisure time cant always be spent on the fucking computer because my eyes will go bad, and i need to get away from my house. and yes - compared to what my friends get, it IS quite a lot. to me, the sky IS falling. and no, i dont go to bed a 5pm because that time is spent doing homework. and also, i do need to juggle my time. can YOU handle a job three days a week at some hectic department store, coming home, eating cold leftovers and then doing your homework? plus tutoring little kids after school in math who cant seem to understand the concept of 2x24? so please dont come giving me a life lesson on how much of a slob i am. i dont deny it; i AM a slob. and right now, as i said before, i'm not too keen. so thank you for your review. i will put up another chapter, but this will take longer. so next time you want me to update, dont come all up in my face calling me lazy, and saying my sky is falling. because you dont know. and true - i might not know about you either, but the thing is, i dont care. and i'd suggest you not piss me off incase i get overly angry. dont worry, i'm not mad at you.

anyways, here it is. chapter 14. all written last night. go for it and read it, while i sit back and enjoy friggin english seminars.

**disclaimer:** jitterbug go-go.

* * *

That talk with Remus helped. It's one of those rare times where we get our moment. He really is one heck of a guy; they don't make them like that anymore. I hope Constance knows how lucky she is. Well, she obviously does, but I'm so jealous. Anyway, when we got back to the house, Remus head to the ktichen while I went to the living room. Everyone was still in the kitchen talking, and I heard them ask where he went. But I heard no one comment on me. He didn't say anything of our talk, which I'm greatful for I guess. No one else should know about my problems. Not even Constance or Serene. With this situation, I trust Remus, and only Remus. Someone I know wouldn't betray me.  
  
But even after that talk, I refuse to give up. I will not stand aside and watch someone else have their victory. I'm going to do whatever it takes. Although that sounds unnatural for me, I'm going to make a change. Change is good... right? I hope so. I really do.  
  
So far, for the past few weeks, Riley has become an official member of our group. Although she's still nice to me, she tries to steer away from me. She's smart about that. She only talks to me when she's got someone else there; incase I would attack her. Like I would. Okay, I _would_, but even I'm not that evil. Constance has set up an extra chair to our table so I could have my seat back again. The thing is, James is now inbetween Riley and I. And I think he feels uncomfortable about that. Good. I plan to make him and his girlfriend as uncomfortable as possible. They still don't get my hint that I don't appreciate Riley. But they will. They will.  
  
To make Riley's life the most unbearable pain whilst staying at my lovely house, I plan to make her as scared, uncomfortable, nervous and fidgety as ever. And my plan to 'reach they sky'... I think I'll be the persuing one these days. It sounds a bit weird to hear me saying that. I'm persuing James Potter. _JAMES POTTER. WHOAAAA.._ girl's got some serious issues erupting.  
  
Okay, so new day, new start. Everyone's here; perfect. Everyone's gathered around the table; not exactly perfect, but it will do. While everyone's discussing the new recipe made out of goat spleen, I'm sitting here plotting away with my evil mind working furiously. That hex I did several days before, when Riley ate from my bowl, it really worked wonders! Of course, Remus knew what I had done and did the counter for it in her glass of water. I was bummed out about that and slightly pissed off, but hey - I got my moment. And I'll get many more. You can count on that.  
  
Anyways, I have no idea what to do exactly. This persuing plan is way more work than I ever expected it to be. I wonder how James must have felt after all those years of persuing me. But then again, he was a marauder, and brilliantly stupid ideas come naturally to him. And add to the fact that he had the other marauders to enhance the stupidity of these ideas could've made it far easier. I have no one to help me. And no one would agree to help me anyway. They love Riley. I'm plotting against her. I mean, if _you_ met Riley, you'd probably like her too. And don't come giving me the_ 'no I wont' _shit because you don't know Riley.  
  
Because I can't figure out a way to ruin her at the table, I must silently and patiently await the perfect moment. Yet every perfect moment is ruined by something. Like how Sirius suddenly spilled his bowl of soup and made a big scene about how his carrots which were brewed to perfection were now contaminated and not edible. Or how Constance suddenly started to have a sneezing fit because Sirius had shook the cloth he used wiping his soup at her. I don't exactly know how soup can make one sneeze, but it apparantly did. It's as if stupid things keep happening to prevent me of my actions.  
  
As everyone gets up to leave the table, I sit there, feeling stranded. Lost. Like I failed without doing anything. Do you ever get that feeling? I get it all the time. I'm not perfect. It's just charms I'm good at. That and yelling at people. But honestly, I'm not perfect. I remember a time where people thought I was cuz I kept reading books. Oh golly! I'm smart because I can read! Geez... I'm not perfect. Even though I would _like_ to be perfect, Riley's making up for everyone else. That bitch.  
  
"How are you feeling?"  
  
I slowly look up to find Remus, Constance, Serene and Sirius infront of me. I'm guessing Remus voiced this question, seeing as he's the only one who knows of my such existing problems.  
  
"What do you think?" I retort, slumping my head back down. I feel like shit.  
  
"You looked fine before," Serene says, taking a seat once again, beside me.  
  
Constance follows suit, patting my arm. Oh yes! That can really help a person! Pat away Constance, pat away. "Is something wrong?"  
  
IS something wrong? Uh... pfft _yeah!_ Am I really that hard to notice?  
  
"I think Lily would like to um... be alone for the time being," Remus says, taking the attention off me. "Or, shall I say, she doesn't want to be alone."  
  
At this, I quickly lift my head giving him the most deadly grilling look I could muster up. He doesn't seem too fazed, but his grin has indeed broadened.  
  
"What's that suppossed to mean?" Serene says, turning onto Remus. Everyone is turning at Remus, including me.  
  
"Never you mind," he replies lightly, turning his attention to me. "You've been acting weird; that's no biggie."  
  
"No I haven't," I say, turning my back to him, avoiding his stupid question.  
  
Instead of leaving me alone, he takes a chair infront of me and Sirius comes to stand behind me. Great. I'm trapped.  
  
Remus starts looking at me without blinking. It's as if I'm interesting. But then... he has his calculating face on... and right now, I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or not.  
  
"Stop it," I scowl, trying to look away. But I can't. As I'm about to tell him to stop again, his furrowed brow turns upwards and laugh lines start appearing on his face. He breaks into a laugh actually.  
  
"What's so funny?" Constance asks uncertainly, looking cautisouly over to him. I too am looking oddly at him. I wonder what he's laughing at now. This guy just keeps getting weirder and weirder eveytime...  
  
"Well, Lily," he says, choking back his gleeful noises, "I can honestly say that I'm astonished."  
  
"Huh?" Constance, Serene and I are apparantly dumbfounded.  
  
"_You_ are persuing him!"  
  
What - what! _NO!_ I'm _NOT!!!!_ Okay, maybe I am, but he wasn't suppossed to know!  
  
"Persuing who?" Sirius asks. It's the first time he's spoken since the four of them followed me. How bad can this get?  
  
"James!" Remus says, whispering loudly, but incase James heard in the living room.  
  
Everyone in the kitchen seems to have fallen silent except Remus who's still giggling like an idiot. They're all looking agapely at me, and all I can do is sit there going all crimson. With my red hair. Which clashes horribly! I hate my hair! And yes, this got really bad.  
  
"You're persuing _James?"_ Constance whipser, taking after Remus.  
  
_"You?!"_ Serene says unbelievingly.  
  
_"James?!"_ Sirius crackles.  
  
"Yes!!" I holler at them, making myself all the more embarassed. Stupid Remus! He blew my cover! So much for having him the only trustee.  
  
"But... why?" Constance asks slowly, her voice small. Serene looks up at me expecting an answer.  
  
"I don't know!" I exclaim. running my fingers through my hair. "And why not?"  
  
"Because! It's James!" Sirius says, looking as if the world had ended.  
  
"Oh, it's not that bad! Now, they'll finally get together!" Remus says with a jolly smile.  
  
I scowl. "Seeing as how things are going, I'm not sure we'll be together soon."  
  
"But honestly Lily. Why?" Serene questions yet again.  
  
I guess I _have_ avoided answering that question. But how am I suppossed to answer that? "Because! Is it so horrible that... I like him?"  
  
"Repeat that."  
  
Sirius is gripping my chair. His knuckles are white. He himself seems pretty grim.  
  
"I like him."  
  
Silence. Absolute silence with looks of astonishment. Oh come ON! It's not _that_ hard to believe is it?  
  
_WELL?!_  
  
Pshh whatever. Like I care about _your_ opinion. I don't need it.  
  
"Well, this is news," Sirius whistled.  
  
"And why is that?" I ask, turning on to him with my eyes narrowed.  
  
"Because, it's just that, James has been trying to get you since what - forever? And once he's got someone else, you finally come through."  
  
"Well, maybe - "  
  
"And the scary thing is you like him willingly. I never thought I'd see the day."  
  
It can't be that hard to believe. Really. It shouldn't be that hard to believe.  
  
"I think this is good," Serene comments quietly. All heads whip to her direction. "What? When Lily and James get together, we can actually go out and _do_ things."  
  
"Don't we already do that?" Constance asks, a bit confused and brow furrowed.  
  
"I meant that we can do things with them as a couple."  
  
"Ahhh... it doesn't make much of a difference."  
  
"Oh, it will," Remus says, winking at me.  
  
I glare at him. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be this embarassed for myelf. "You know Remus, this is all _your_ fault."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"If it weren't for you. I wouldn't have to be having this conversation! I trusted you!"  
  
"It was going to come out one way or the other. Better early than late kiddo."  
  
Serene and Constance look back and forth between us until they finally raise their eyebrows at me.  
  
"You told _Remus?_" Constance asks slowly. Serene looks expectantly at me.  
  
"Well, yeah," I reply, not knowing what they were getting into.  
  
"You told _Remus_, and not _us?"_  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Well, I sure feel betrayed."  
  
Oh sigh... not the jealousy discussion. I don't want to have this dumb talk. Constance and Serene won't even look at me. Well, it's their own fault. They were too obbsessed with Riley to notice me.  
  
"She told me because I knew she was sad."  
  
Everyone look over to Remus, who's looking at Constance and Serene.  
  
"_We_ know when she's sad too!" Serene retorts.  
  
"But during that time, did you notice her?"  
  
"What's that suppossed to mean?"  
  
"You guys didn't even notice she was gone that night we had dinner."  
  
"Yeah we did!"  
  
"No you didnt. You thought she was right behind you."  
  
"Well, anyone could make that mistake - "  
  
"Serene, I have _red_ hair!" I exclaim, breaking the chain. "How can't you not notice my absence?!"  
  
"Anyways," Remus says, taking the tension away form me. "What I'm saying is; the reason why she told me was because I thought she looked sad and wanted to confront her. No need for jealousy girls."  
  
"So we're okay right? I don't even know why you're so mad," I say, looking at them.  
  
Constance sighs and puts on a small smile "Fine, we're okay."  
  
We all look over to Serene. She looks a bit mad, but finally wavers. "I forgive you."  
  
If I could roll my eyes at the moment, I would. Really - I don't know what they're so angry about. I have other friends too. It just so happens that Remus was there.  
  
"So... do you have any plans to get rid of Riley?"  
  
I turn around to face Sirius who has a glint in his eyes. This glint means trouble. I've been seeing that glint for the past nine years.  
  
"Not at the monent," I say, feeling a bit ashamed. Well, I don't.  
  
"I do!"  
  
Oh great. Sirius has an idea. An idea from Sirius is never good. I probably wouldn't agree to his genius idea, but I'm pretty curious to hear it. No; I won't. I don't want to hear it. It'll probably be dangerous anyway.  
  
"What is it?" Remus asks, before I could open my mouth.  
  
"The classic way of course, dumb-dumb!" he replies, looking quite pleased with himself.  
  
"What classic ways?" Constance asks, looking at him with curiosity. Now I wanted to hear it. Gee thanks Remus.  
  
"You know..." he says looking at us. We look back at him in response. He sighs in frustration. "You don't know?! The classic ways! Spill something on her - I'd suggest chocolate milk shakes - and pretend it was an accident! Trick her into eating things she can't stand, like spicy stuff. Hex her toothpaste to make her teeth green! Put bleach in her shampoo! Anything!"  
  
Hmmm... now, I must admit, his ideas aren't too shabby. I could do some of that. But does that make me an evil person? What happens if guilt gets to me? Will I be able to forgive myself? And what if James sees past all this and still sides with her? I don't know! I'm confused! I want to, but I don't want to. Why is every idea coming from a marauder something that will make you feel guilty? And how did _they_ deal with such guilt? Oh wait; they didn't, because they have no sympathy. Okay, maybe Remus has sympathy, but otherwise, they have none.  
  
"So... you up for it?" Sirius asks, giving me a serious look.  
  
I look around the room, as if searching for answers. I see faces that tell me to choose. Whatever I choose, they'll help me. Well, at least I won't be alone in the sabotaging. But do I really want to do it?  
  
Just at the moment, who to come into the kitchen but the happy couple themselves. James with his arm around her small slender shoulders, he stupid perfect hand lingering around his waist.  
  
I look up to Sirius who seems to be giving me a questioning stare.  
  
"I'm ready."


	16. Of pranks and drinking

**a/n:** it's finally here!!!

sorry about the long wait. i just got the internet back up four days ago, and i had a few hectic homework summatives due. anddddd my cell phone bill's horrendous. never again will i use it. ok, i'll used it for emergency calls only. sighh.. my mother is going to freak.

back to this. attention everyone. this chapter is going to be one of the last chapters... of part one! huzzah. meaning that there will be a part 2 to this thing... (hopefully you'll read it). and this means more work for me huh.

well, enjoy this hastily written piece. i've decided to stop using italics. not only does it take time, but my eyes hurt from trying to pinpoint the spots for the italics. i'll just use capitals to emph my certain words.

(theres non need for disclaimers)

* * *

I think my sabotaging Riley has turned pretty well. Thumbs up, Lily. Thumbs up. I followed Sirius' instructions carefully - seeing as he was always there and eager to help - with the OCCASIONAL tips from Remus. Remus wasn't exactly one to root for Sirius' tactics, but I guess since he's so used to them, he likes to see them in action sometimes. Serene was full out in disagreement to the whole entire thing, saying I should just get over James and go back to Dex. I had actually forgotten about Dex. But whatever. If this doesn't work, then MAYBE I'll go back. Constance was battling with herself, whether to agree with me or Serene. She loves seeing pranks take place, yet she always feels sorry for the pranked. This is what happens when you're a good person - not that I'm a bad person.

........  
  
I'm NOT! I'm a good person who enjoys a few bad things in life okay? Okay. that's settled.  
  
Anyways, so far so good. We already accomplished the 'oops, I spilled my milkshake on you' trick. That went quite good actually. Riley, who I assume is still a bit scared of me, had lightly laughed it off, though James was disappointed. He called me a klutz. Which I do not deny, and monotonely told him thank you, and he scowled. Okay, he's a bit mad at me, but who cares? Riley had quickly cleaned it off with a wave of her wand. I forgot we had magic at our side, so I was not counting on her being clean. But oh well - mission one accomplished.  
  
The second thing Sirius and I did was the 'I accidentally-on-purpose tripped you' thing. We were going to Diagon Alley - a great place for a trick like that because theres always a crowd - and Sirius had 'accidentally stepped on her toe. She winced in pain, and while James was scolding Sirius, I put out my own foot while she was holding her aching toes. She tripped and hit her face. The bad part was that her face was just two inches away from the barrel of live beetles, so I was put off. Hey, at least I got to trip her right? Of course I'm right.  
  
For the third thing, we went along with Sirius' shampoo gag. Remus had helped us here, seeing which colour would disfigure her the most. We went through red - which I absolutely disagreed on because of my own colour. We went through purple which actually suits her. We went through green, but that too looks good on her - though I don't know HOW. So finally, Remus had suggested white - which Sirius and I had fully agreed with him on.  
  
We had to go over to her house in order for this prank to take place. We had persuaded her that we'd love to see her house because we KNEW that such a person who dresses so nicely would also dress their house smashingly. I hate to admit it, but her house is gorgeous. It's so 'in'. So chic. So perfect. I hated her even more after that. Anyways, while Sirius and Remus had engulfed her into a conversation about wall colours - which she was eager to discuss - they gave me the thumbs up. I went into her bathroom, found her shampoo and charmed it to turn her hair white. Not all at once of course; that's too risky. The dye will settle in after five hours. Don't worry, Sirius had - unsubtley - asked James when Riley preferred to shower. James had answered hesitantly that she showered during nights. So that was good. She wouldn't see her hair until the next day.  
  
Well, the next day was good. She had white hair. And this time, she couldnt unjinx it, because I had put the spell that only I could remove it. Great huh? I do not plan on removing it. So as a result, she went out to buy four bottles of muggle hair dye. Her hair right now is still a sad light shade of sand. But the thing is, she looks good in sand-coloured hair. I hate her. She looks good in practically everything. The positve note here is that her hair is now falling off with extreme dying. How happy am I? I'm content.  
  
As said before, James doesn't seem happy with it all. I think he knows that Sirius had something to do with it. I hope he doesn't know I did. The thing is, no matter what we do, James doesn't seem too fazed. I swear, if we shaved off Riley's head, he wouldn't notice the difference. That guy is too into her. But I won't give up. Not just yet. Oh hey... that gives me an idea. If I could somehow convince Riley to shave her head, James might think she's ugly. Although I seriously doubt it, at least I'LL think she's ugly! It's like, a win-win situation! Awesome! I am SO genius.  
  
Is what I'm doing a bad thing? Really, I know it's a bit cold hearted, seeing as I'm doing it to someone who has nothing to do with anything. Yes, I feel guilty, and yes, sometimes I don't even want to do it and just accept the fact that Riley is with James instead of me. But for once in my life, I want something for myself. Now, I'm not saying I'm a good samaritan, like as if I've done so much good to the world. Truthfully, I don't think I've done anything worth the mention. Okay, maybe I've done a FEW things... but it's nothing compaired to what Mother Theresa's doing is it? I don't think so.  
  
I gave up my bicycle to Petunia when hers broke. We were little back then. Ah, the good old days, when we were young, restless and annoying gits who pissed the shit out of our parentals. I sure miss it. Anyways, this was back when Petunia and I were on 'okay' terms... you know, talk a bit here or there, small little chats about the weather. Okay, fine. Not the weather. We were too young and too cool to discuss the weather. More like who Jimmy, the popular boy from preschool was sharing his crisps with, or what Deborah from across the street was wearing. Yes, talks like that. Now, I admit, I still talk about little matters like Jimmy and Deborah with Constance and Serene. Except I now call it gossip. Instead, we discuss what Gus from work did to his girlfriend the other night, or what Farris did which was hilarious for us, embarassing for her.  
  
Okay, I'm getting off the point. Back to it. I gave up my bike when Petunia's broke. So for the summer, I was bikeless, sitting at home, doing nothing but stare at the radio. The radio wasn't that bad, it had games and... stuff. Stuff like music. Boy, isn't Nirvana the greatest? And Ted Nugent! Beach Boys for life baby! Okay, so, I think my sacrifice for Petunia is very great, seeing as she always was the materialistic one. Fine, that was me. But she was the selfish one. No doubts on that one. So I think that proves my point that I usually think of others before myself.  
  
Not satisfied are you? Well, here's another one. After my owl ate Petunia's bird, I took my life savings to buy her a new one. Yes, she wasn't happy about it because it came from me. And she didn't accept it, saying that I couldn't buy my way out of it. Out of the guilt. I didn't actually feel guilty. I felt nothing. But I bought another bird for her anyway. Doesn't that show I have heart? I think so. Anyways, I returned the bird to the pet store the following day, and when I came home, she was willing to accept it. When I told her I gave it back, she called me a selfish little brat who only got the bird in the first place to clear off her plate. I said she didnt want it, and then this big argument errupted. I won... by pointing my wand in her face.  
  
My wand saved my ass dozens of times with my sister. Whenever we got into an argument which she'd most likely win, I'd just point my wand and I'd win. If she calls me something that really bothers me, I point my wand. During my seventh year at Hogwarts, when I broke mom's favourtie china, and Petunia caught me, she started screaming to my mother what I've done. I just simply repaired it and sent it back to its shelf. My sister started saying all these things about how I use magic to cover for me. I explained to my mother that I didn't break anything; she wasn't too convinced. But still - at least I managed to repair things. If I didn't have magic, my ass would've burnt that night.  
  
So... I deserve this get back at Riley. Too long have I put others before myself. And too long have I bent over to let people walk all over me. I will get my victory!... Does that sound selfish to you? Well, I DON'T CARE!!!!! Everyone's allowed to be selfish sometimes right? Hell yeah. Besides, everyone is selfish at one point in their lives.  
  
Maybe I shouldn't do the hair thing. It really does seem a bit mean now that I'm thinking more clearly. Maybe I should just put a whole stop to this. Serene is still trying to get me out of the whole thing, with Constance still deciding whether or not to be for it or not. Maybe Serene's right. Maybe I should forget about James and go back to Dex. Now that I think about it, it really does seem good. He's older, more sophisticated. Otherwise, he's just like James isn't he? Because I can't think of another difference between the both of them.  
  
Okay, I made my decision. Stop tormenting Riley for no good reason and just go back to Dex. I hope he's still single.  
  
I quickly call Dex, who seem's very surprised that I called him. I ask him if he wants to do something, and he really seems enthused about it. We talk a bit, and arrange a meeting for this friday night. Great!  
  
- - - - - - - -  
  
Okay, so this whole getting over James thing is going great! I'm on my third date with Dex, and I havent even thought about James once!... Okay, yes, I have thought of him once. Okay, more than once. Maybe twice. Okay FINE! I've thought about him since I made that phone call to Dex, and I'm still wondering if I'm doing the right thing. I don't know!  
  
"I'm glad we're back together, Lily."  
  
What? Oh, yes right. I'm on a date. With a Potter. Dexter Potter to be exact. Not James Potter.  
  
"Yes, so am I."  
  
Okay, I think I said that a bit too quickly. I hope he doesn't catch it. Oh good, he didn't. Whew. Don't blow cover. You're on a date with Dexter. Not James.  
  
"So, how are you doing lately?" Dex asks, sipping his wine.  
  
Oh! There's wine? Great! I think I'll have some. It might help take James away from my mind.  
  
"I'm doing great," I answer, pouring wine to the rim of my glass. Dex gives me a look, but I shrug and swallow it by gulps, earning me another look.  
  
"Lils, are you feeling okay?" he asks, concern filling his face.  
  
How sweet. He's concerned for me. "Oh, I'm dandy."  
  
And silence. Never once had there been a silent moment in any date I've been on with Dex. Well, there's a first for everything. Well, not everythying. Most things.  
  
"Would you like some more wine?"  
  
"Yes please!"  
  
This is good. Everytime I think about James, all I need to do is take a gulp of wine. Wine's not as harmful as beer right? Right?!? Oh, who cares.  
  
And silence. That's okay. Dex and I can share comfortable silences. Silences are great aren't they? Except I never had any sileces with James. He was always so nosy and everything. Wine.  
  
I remember this one time when we were both first years, and he stepped on Peter's toe, and Peter crashed into me and I started screaming because his wand poked into my ribs. That wasn't too bad. James apologized. Wine.  
  
Hahaha, oh yeah. This one time in sixth year, when he still kept asking me out, I'd ask him what he wanted to go out with me for. His answer was that so he'd know what it'd be like to kiss a red-head, and then I punched him. That was great. Wine.  
  
And before I know it, everything's blurry. I can't have taken that much wine could I? I hastily grab for the wine bottle which is... empty.  
  
"Dex!" I slur, giving him a lop-sided smile. "Did you drink all the wine?"  
  
"Um... no. You took it all."  
  
Oh. I took it all. Well, it's not enough. I try to stand up to ask for another bottle, but I end up falling over. At the last moment before I hit the ground, Dex catches me.  
  
"You know, maybe we should just call it a night," he says. Call it a night? Wow, already?  
  
"So soon?"  
  
"Lily, look at you. You're... drunk."  
  
"Don't be silly! You can't be drunk with wine!"  
  
Sadly, right at that moment, the wine glass I'm holding suddenly spills on him.  
  
Before I know it, he's whisking me out of the place. I stumble on my way out, and he takes me home. I'm not drunk am I?  
  
- - - - - - - - -  
  
He's saying something. Infact, he looks quite serious about it.  
  
I honestly have no idea what he's talking about.  
  
" - like James."  
  
What was that?  
  
"James? Where?" I ask, suddenly panicky and excited at the same time. Wow, I guess I'm pretty deluded right now. Ahawhaw.  
  
"See?" He says, giving me a look.  
  
"No, what did you say?"  
  
"I said, maybe you're starting to like James."  
  
"Don't be silly Dex. I'm going out with you."  
  
"Lily, look at you! You're drunk, your shoes are falling off, your hair's a gigantic mess. You can't even pronounce your words correctly. Usually, you're prim and proper when we go out."  
  
"Well, excuse me for breathing!"  
  
"I do. You really need a breath mint from all that red wine."  
  
I feel dissed. I throw my purse at him, but it misses by a mile. I really have bad aim. Or maybe it's the wine. No, it's my aim. He sighs and picks it up, handing it back to me.  
  
"Lily, why don't we just call it off? Pretend it never happened."  
  
"But why?"  
  
"We've both seperated. You like someone new. Why don't you just go for him?"  
  
Am I getting permission to go after his cousin?  
  
I don't think I answered him, because I'm already inside the house with the door slammed. I feel my way across the halls, my head hurting like a total bitch.  
  
The house is a bit quiet. I hear something upstairs, but that's obviously Serene. No wait... who lives with me again? Oh yes, that's right. Constance. Constance upstairs making banging noises. Probably having another round of sex with Remus. Well, at least one of us is getting some!  
  
"Lily?"  
  
Holy shit! That was scary. And my head really hurts now...  
  
"Lily, are you alright?"  
  
Someone seems to be lifting me off the floor, helping me stand up. Unfortunately, I can't stand up.  
  
"Lily?"  
  
My visions seems to clear a bit, but it's still fuzzy, like back in the restaurant. I can't be that drunk! It's wine! Oh hey, it's James. Wonderful. Of all people to see me in this state.  
  
"'Lo James..." I slur, pushing myself away from him and leaning against the wall.  
  
"Are you feeling okay?" he asks, concern in his voice. How great. Pity.  
  
"Of course I'm okay. What makes you ask?"  
  
"Lily, you're drunk."  
  
How many times are people going to throw that in my face? I'm not that drunk! Geez.  
  
"Lily?" he says uncertainly.  
  
"Huh?" I ask dumbly, grabbing around for my purse.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"Nothing! I was just going out with Dex."  
  
I'm not sure if his face showed any emotion after hearing his cousin's name, but his voice sounded different.  
  
"Oh. I never thought Dexter would be the kind of person to let his girlfriend get drunk on him."  
  
"I'm not his girlfriend."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"I'm not!"  
  
"Okay, okay. So what were you doing out with him?"  
  
"To get things off my mind."  
  
Oh... that sounded wrong. What if he thinks I'm using Dex?  
  
"You were using him?" he asks, a bit of disgust showing.  
  
"No! I was trying to..."  
  
"Trying to?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"You were trying to nothing."  
  
"Yes, that sounds right."  
  
"You are so drunk."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"See, you admit it yourself."  
  
"I didn't. What were you agreeing to?"  
  
I am so out of it right now.  
  
"You were agreeing with me that you're drunk."  
  
"I'm not drunk."  
  
"It's okay, Lily. You can tell me why. I promise not to tell Constance."  
  
"Don't you have a girlfriend to be getting to?"  
  
At this, he seems to pause. Looking ashamed. Good.  
  
"Where is she?" I ask, looking straight at him.  
  
"Home," he replies lightly. "She had a headache, and went home."  
  
"Oh."  
  
That wasn't the answer I was expecting.  
  
"So, why are you drunk?"  
  
"I don't like Riley."  
  
Okay, now that really wasn't suppossed to come out.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"I don't like her."  
  
"And may I ask why?"  
  
"Because she's a snob."  
  
"Lily, she's sorry for taking your seat. And your bowl."  
  
"She's perfect in every way."  
  
"No one's perfect."  
  
"She thinks highly of herself."  
  
"She does not."  
  
"Why are you defending her?"  
  
"She's my girlfriend! I have to defend her."  
  
"You're my friend. Defend me too."  
  
"I can't."  
  
Ouch. That really hurt. Honestly, even through this drunk faze, it stings.  
  
"Why can't you?" I ask, feeling all the hurt and suddenly anger.  
  
"Because you have no right to judge people before getting to know them," he answers, his patience waning too.  
  
"I don't judge!"  
  
"You judged me!"  
  
"When?"  
  
"Uh... all through school and up till this year, perhaps?"  
  
"You're different."  
  
"And why is that?"  
  
"Because I like you now."  
  
"So why can't you like Riley?"  
  
"Because she's a fugly bitch!"  
  
"Don't call my girlfriend a birch when you dont know her."  
  
"I can call her anything I wish to."  
  
"You know Lily, sometimes, you can be the most judgemental, stubborn, arrogant ass on earth."  
  
"You should talk."  
  
"Oh, I think I should. You think that I'm arrogant? Try looking at yourself for once! God, you make everyone do everything for you. You depend on others. You put yourself before everyone else! You're so selfish sometimes!"  
  
"I'm not selfish!"  
  
"No? Okay, how about that time, when Vera Hetworth in Ravenclaw did a better charms report than you? Remember what you did? You stole it from her, crumpled it, stomped on it and poured pumpkin juice over it so she couldn't hand it in, and you'd get the top mark."  
  
"It was just that once!"  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"You have no right to judge me!"  
  
"Oh, you should talk."  
  
"You want to know why I don't like Riley? Do you?"  
  
"Yes! Is it because she's taller than you? Is it because she's more sophisticated than you? Is is because she's got a better future ahead of her than you do?"  
  
"It's because she has YOU!"  
  
Anddddddddd silence. He seems to be taking that all in. And we seem to be sitting here for five minutes of complete silence. I try to push myself up on the wall, and head upstairs, but I end up falling over and landing on my head again.  
  
"Are you okay?" he asks, coming over to me, his voice seemingly strangled. I shove him away.  
  
"Don't help me. I don't want to depend on you," I say, using his own words against him.  
  
"Lily, this is serious! I meant that only - "  
  
"Only what?! Huh?"  
  
"Only when you're in situations where you can handle things by yourself. Apparantly, it doesn't seem you can handle yourself drunk."  
  
"Yes, I can."  
  
"Let me help you."  
  
"No!"  
  
"Lily, let me help you..."  
  
"No..."  
  
"Lily!"  
  
And before I know it, everything's pitch black.


	17. Shock

**a/n:** WOW! did i update in less than a week? yes i did.

and why you all ask? because i felt so guilty about leaving you guys for almost a month. so i quickly did this chapter. it's one minute to midnight at the moment. so be happy. i didn't even bother to do my science homework. stupid physics unit. first chem, and now physics? gosh.

i'm currently FAILING science, but honestly, i could care less. as long as a fucking pass. geez... there goes the honour roll.

anywayssss.. as i said previously, let this be one of the last chapters. and i PROMISE that lily and james will get together before part 2, since part 2 is really about their relationship in the voldemort world..

don't expect much, because my mother really wants me to hitch up my science. its ok. whatever. and i have a few english stories to write. and poetry. i hate poetry. dont you? i'm surprised history's treating me good.

okay, enough of my ranting. you guys probably skip this anyway, so whats the point? the point is that... okay, i dont know what the point is. i'm too tired to think of something. my witty self has gone.

enjoy this chapter my lovelies.

* * *

My head hurts. I feel like barfing. My body feels wasted. I wonder what happened...  
  
I had the most weirdest dream. I was walking down the hall and then tripped and fell in a puddle of mud. I don't understand it at all.  
  
"You're awake!"  
  
No i'm not. I just happen to be sitting up with my eyes half open.  
  
"How're you feeling?"  
  
I open my eyes fully and suddenly feel even worse. I look around to see Constance facing me.  
  
"What happened?" I ask, holding my head and leaning back down again.  
  
"You were drunk last night," she says, handing me a cup of tea.  
  
"Impossible! I never get drunk!"  
  
"How would you know? When you're drunk, your memory isn't too well."  
  
"Whatever."  
  
My memory is perfect. I wasn't drinking last night. I was... hey... what was I doing? I remember eating... oh... eating doesn't sound too good. I feel something starting to well over...  
  
"Watch it!" Constance cries, shoving a bucket quickly in front of my face. That was a close one.  
  
After hurling whatever I ate the previous night, Constance comes back over and waves her wand.  
  
"The stench is sickening," she says, giving my bucket a glance. I try smiling, but I don't know why I can't.  
  
"You're awake."  
  
Who said that? I turn around to find James coming towards me with an odd look. A mix a fear, relief, and... something else.  
  
"Obviously," I reply, giving him an odd look of my own in return.  
  
"Um... I'll be going."  
  
That was Constance. She really did look sick. Is my vomit really that hard to look at? I give a glance, and shudder, turning away. I really shouldn't have done that.  
  
"How are you?" James asks, taking a seat a bit away from me on the other couch, but close enough to be there incase anything happens.  
  
"I just barfed. My head hurts. My body is like lead. I'm fine," I reply sarcastically.  
  
James heaves a sigh. "Thank you for finally admitting it."  
  
Admitting it? What the hell is this boy talking about? "What?"  
  
He looks at me weirdly. "It's okay, Lily. You don't need to hide it anymore."  
  
"Honestly, what?"  
  
"That... you... like me."  
  
Whoaaaa... when did i admit to liking him? I don't remember anything. "How do you know?"  
  
"Lily, you TOLD me."  
  
Oh. Well, that explains it. "I dont recall me telling you."  
  
"You were drunk."  
  
Okay, really. I wasn't drunk!!!  
  
"Why do you like me?" he slowly asks, looking at me with curiosity. "Is it just because you don't like Riley that you decided to like me?"  
  
"I wish not to discuss this," I say, avoiding him.  
  
He comes to sit closer. "Why?"  
  
"I said I don't want to talk about it."  
  
"Please?"  
  
He's mocking me now. I look up and he has his stupid smirk on.  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh, c'mon! You can tell me. Pretty please?"  
  
His voice is like a little toddler now. Whining. I can't help but smile.  
  
"I said no."  
  
"Please, please please? Pretty pretty pretty please with mountains of whipped cream and a gigantic cherry on top?"  
  
"I can't tell you."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because, I don't want to be with you."  
  
Well, that was unexpected. Did I just say I didn't want to be with him, after all I've done just to get him?  
  
"You don't?" he asks, sounding surprised.  
  
"James, you have a girlfriend."  
  
"That you don't like."  
  
"So what if I don't like her? It won't change anything. You said so yourself."  
  
"I did?"  
  
"Well, no. But you pretty much made that point clear."  
  
"But you didn't answer my first question."  
  
"I don't want to be the 'other person'."  
  
It's true. I don't want to be the other person. I've always despised the other person.  
  
"How would you be the other person?"  
  
"James, it's as if it would be my fault you two broke up."  
  
It's my turn to heave a sigh. I stand up slowly to regain balance, and head for upstairs. I really do need a good rinsing. And a shwoer. And some more comfortable clothes.  
  
- - - - - - - -  
  
Gosh, do I feel refreshed. That shower and rinse really did wonders. I shall now fix myself a cup of strong herbal tea.  
  
I walk downstairs to the kitchen, and am relieved to see that our supply of herbal tea is still full. Constance never drinks herbal tea. She calls it horrible tea. It doesn't taste horrible.  
  
While I fix myself some tea, my stomach growls. Now that I think of it, I AM kinda hungry. Maybe an apple; they don't ruin appetites. I walk to the fridge and grab an apple. Fumbling with the drawers, I can't find the skin pealer. What the hell! Now I hafta use a knife! I hate using knives.  
  
I take the apple in my hand and the knife in my other and start carefully pealing it. Slow and steady... thats it. Get the patterns. Just one more curve...  
  
"So."  
  
"OH MY GOD!!!!" I scream, jumping a mile high, and suddenly feeling a sharp pain on my left palm.  
  
I uncurl my fingers to reveal a gash of blood, streaming down my arm. I inhale a sharp take of breath, feeling the throbbing pain. Looking up, I see James.  
  
"What do you want?" I demands, cluthing my wrist. I'm slouched with my wet hair frizzed everywhere around my face.  
  
James' face looks tight. He walks over to me and takes my hand. "We need some rubbing alcohol to clean it."  
  
"I KNOW that!" I spit, yanking my hand out of his grasp, which only causes me more pain. "Look at what you did you dolt!"  
  
"Lily, calm down... and let me see that wound!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Now!  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Why are you so stubborn? See, I was right about you being stubborn! You'll always be stubborn!"  
  
"I don't care! You caused me pain!"  
  
"You ALWAYS blame things on EVERYONE besides yourself! You're a selfish stubborn ass! Fine, you know what? Go ahead and suffer. I don't care anymore! Writhe in pain for no one will come help you!"  
  
"Constance will!"  
  
"You're always relying on Constance! Do something for yourself once in a while you greedy bitch."  
  
"EXCUSE ME?!"  
  
"Yeah! You heard me! I called you a greedy bitch, and I think there's a great deal of people who'll agree with me on that one!"  
  
"Some friend YOU are!"  
  
"Ditto that, bitch!"  
  
"You stupid bast - !.... AAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!"  
  
OH SHIT! OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT!!!! DID MY CUT JUST CRACK DEEPER?! PAIN! I HATE PAIN!!! I don't do good with pain... EVEN BIGGER SHIT!!!  
  
Someone had yanked my hand and is currently running it over the tap. Not only does it hurt but my palm feels like burning. I don't like burning sensations unless... well, you know what I mean... don't you? Well, if not, too bad. I look up to see James with a furrowed brow and peering at my cut.  
  
His fingers feel so gentle against the rough water of the tap. My heart skips a beat. "I though you didn't care."  
  
He looks up at as his features soften. "Yeah well..."  
  
We both shift around the sink uncomfortably, as I walk over to dry my hand with a paper towel and he's clearing out all the blood from the sink. Suddenly, though I don't know why, my spirits are up again.  
  
"Thank you," I say quietly, as I turn towards him, but not looking at him. I think I'm blushing. Ew. I never blush...  
  
"No problem," he replies gruffly, also turning my direction. We both shift a little bit.  
  
"James?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For telling you that I liked you."  
  
Silence. Again. Oh well... all I can hope is that he doesn't hate me.  
  
"Liked?" he suddenly asks, head shooting up and looking at me closely.  
  
"Yes, why?" I question, looking a bit confused.  
  
"I thought you still like me."  
  
"I do..."  
  
"So why the past tense?"  
  
He's moving closer to me. Oh my gosh. Is my hair okay? Oh my gosh. He's inching closer. He's a just a foot away from me. My hair is SO horribly frizzed!  
  
I look up a bit nervous. "I um... well, uh..."  
  
He smiles at my deludedness. That smile which I once hated so much is now surprisingly making me feel giddy. "Lily..."  
  
"Yeah?" all I can do is whisper.  
  
He's right beside me! Oh my gosh, he's looking at me. And his head is tilted and coming for mine. Oh my gosh we're going to...  
  
HOLY SHIT!  
  
We both spring apart just before we get our kiss because somehting is gawking at us. We both look up to see a phoenix. A red-gold phoenix. Fawkes. In our building... that's... odd.  
  
"Fawkes?" I stare at him in awe. No matter how much I see him, he still amazes me. He's beautiful.  
  
He drops a letter on the counter, and then flames up and disappears. James and I are looking at each other with confusion.  
  
"You think you should go read it?" James asks, nodding towards the letter.  
  
"Yes, I think so," I say, walking stiffly over to the letter.  
  
"What on earth was THAT?"  
  
Constance is now downstairs, fresh from a shower. She looks scared and in panic.  
  
"It was... Fawkes," James says, still not understanding anything.  
  
"Fakes?" Constance asks, looking as odd as us. "Why was Fawkes here?"  
  
"That's what we want to know."  
  
I slowly open up the letter and read it.  
  
"Well?"  
  
I look up to see Constance and James looking impatient.  
  
"Urgent meeting for the order," I say, still looking at the letter in my hands. "We need to go there NOW."  
  
What the hell happened to call an urgent meeting?  
  
- - - - - - -  
  
Here we are, at 87 Thindrow Alley. In the house of the Order, where all of the members are present. Well, no. Someone's missing, but I can't place who. That's a bit... strange. Everyone is talking in hushed voices, asking each other whats wrong and not finding a good enough answer.  
  
Dex is here, talking to Peter who seems to be a bit scared of him. Remus and Constance are whispering a conversation with each other, both looking completely serious and scared. Sirius is sitting on the couch in between Serene and I, with Serene's two arms wrapped around one of Sirius' and resting her head on his shoulder. They both look grim and clueless. I'm here, sitting at the corner, too stiff and freaked to do anything, while James is on the floor infront of me, stroking his chin and thinking hard. I don't know why we're all scared; do you ever have that feeling of being scared but you don't know what of? That's what we're all feeling.  
  
"Ahem!"  
  
Everyone single head jerks up at the same moment, and we're faced with Dumbledore himself. He too, is looking quite... grim.  
  
"I've called you all here for an urgent meeting," he says, looking around the room. Althought everyone knows that, we still listen intently. "I'm here to inform you of a... murder."  
  
Shock. Complete shock. Who? Were? When? Why? How? All these questions race around my head as I try to grasp what's happening.  
  
"Who?"  
  
The questioner is Remus, who asks quietly. He's brave enough to ask. I glance over towards him. He has his arms wrapped around Constance who seems to be changing into a pale colour.  
  
"Oliver Wood."  
  
Oliver Wood? Little two-year-old Oliver wood? Murdered? The son of Francis and Adrianne Wood?  
  
"But... why?!" I ask, outloud, suddenly enraged. How can someone do that to him? He was only two! He had his whole life ahead of him!  
  
"Unfortunately, while Francis and Adrianne had been on a mission, they were found out. It is my guess that some Voldemort supporters took Oliver and killed him as a warning."  
  
They can't do that! This is outrageous!  
  
"Where are Francis and Adrianne?" Sirius asks, looking tight.  
  
"They had tried to save Oliver's life, but Francis was hit by the Cruciatus Curse, and Adrianne was knocked out. Oliver was with them. They are both currently in the hospital."  
  
Just right here, it hits me. I know that I myself have had real live expirience with Voldemort, and even got hit by curse done by him. But I never exactly thought he'd murder someone. A little kid at that. Well, I didn't think people would be sick enough to kill someone for him. It now gets to me what kind of world we live in, how dangerous it is. How all this time I've been living, as if I hadn't a care in the world except my own petty life. I feel so guilty. If I could, I'd trade my life for Oliver's. He's only two! Well, was anyway...  
  
"Please take this as a warning, and try to act normal around the Woods. They really are heartbroken. And be careful!"  
  
And with that, Dumbledore leaves the room.  
  
I can't help but shudder. I look around the room at everyone. Constance has Remus to console her, and Serene has Sirius. Peter and Dexter are in deep conversation, and the Prewetts have already left out of grief. Everyone is is miling around the door. I settle back on the couch, pulling my legs up against my chest, putting my head down on my knees, and wrapping my arms around myself. It really sucks to have no consolation.  
  
Just at the moment, someone pats my back. Like patting my back can make me feel better. Nothing can make me feel better. But whatever. It's still comforting for someone to pat me and tell me I'm not alone. I raise my head to see James Potter, looking just as pale as everyone else. He's sitting beside me, since Sirius and Serene have disappeared somewhere.  
  
"I'm scared," I whisper, stumbling on my words.  
  
He looks at me with pity. But at the moment, I don't really mind pity. He's still looking at me, as if he's deciding on something.  
  
"Me too."  
  
It must an honour to get James Potter to admit something like being scared to you. It really must be.  
  
I rest my head back on my knees as his arms envelope around me.


	18. Not friendship material

**a/n:** ahoy! i see some of you have gotten confused over the last chapter.

first off, why did oliver wood die? you'll need to keep reading. but dont worry; i'll explain the whole situation at the end of part one. this i hope is the next to last chapter of part 1, so you'll learn about the oliver wood history before long.

and do not fear; lily and james get together by the end of part 1, so dont be angry. well, not that i care if you're angry anyway. you can yell at me all you want; just remember that they're going to get together in the next chapter (hopefully).

oh, and science?! HA! I FAILED. _FAILED_. but whatever. i dont even care about science anymore. its not my major or minor or my anything.

i also decided to put this chapter up pretty quickly. did you notice that? pshh probably not. well, if you did, you wanna know why? because i felt like part 1 should really be coming to an end. and i just want to finish it faster.

anyways, enjoy this chapter, though i dont think you will.

* * *

It's been three days. Three days since the murder. Three days since I've slept. Three days since I've smiled.  
  
It's been three days since the meeting. Three days since I've last seen James Potter.  
  
Three days since I've seen Constance. Three days since I've seen Remus. THree days since I've seen Serene. Three days since I've seen Sirius.  
  
Three fucking days since I've seen anyone.  
  
Three fucking days since I've smiled, slept.  
  
Three fucking days.  
  
Here I am, sitting in my room. Constance hasn't come back. I don't know where she went, but I have an idea that she's with Remus. She's been sending me letters, which means she's still alive.  
  
She's still alive.  
  
I've been to work, although I've been hiding behind my cubicle every day. Maybe that explains why I haven't seen Serene, Sirius or James.  
  
The atmosphere was all wrong. Everyone felt uneasy. How can a little boy be murdered? How?! What's he going to do next, try to kill a baby? This is sick.  
  
Anyway, I haven't been out of my room unless I had to go to the washroom. I'm scared. HIding under my bed covers doesn't feel safe anymore. I don't like this. And I shouldn't be the one complaining because I'm not the one who got their son killed. Why does everything have to be so difficult?  
  
Maybe I should go downstairs. I haven't eaten in three days. No more apples though.  
  
I head towards the kitchen. The house is so empty. Every creak can be heard. It's cold. It doesn't feel right. But does anything feel right anymore?  
  
Glumly, I walk into the kitchen, opening the fridge. Nothing. There is nothing in there. Just some spaghetti, sauce, mayo, milk... you know, the necessities. Grabbing the spaghettie and sauce, i turn around to a scary sight that literally makes my heart stop. Well, not stop, because right now, it's pounding pretty fast. But you know what I mean don't you?  
  
"Oh my god!" I scream, frantically dropping everything, and patting myself for my wand. Shit! I left it upstairs.  
  
"Oh, sorry," says the voice in a mere whisper. I lean closer to the image, because only the lights from the fridge are on. I can make out messy hair and a shadow of a pair of glasses.  
  
"James?" I ask just as quietly. but still with fear. This could be an intruder for Merlin's sake!  
  
"Yeah, it's me," he replies. He doesn't make a movement to stand, but turns around to flick the kitchen lights on.  
  
Although I know it's James, I'm still scared. I swear, my heart is beating faster than that of a mouse! Why is he here anyway? Did something happen?! Was there another murder?  
  
"I guess you wanna know why I'm here," he states, not looking up. His hands are combing through his hair in distress. If he looks bad, I wonder how I look like. I must be worse. I have more hair than he does! And it's red too! Gosh, I must look horrendous!  
  
"Um... yeah, I do," I say, slamming the fridge closed lightly and taking a seat in front of him.  
  
I wait patiently for him to answer, but he doesn't seem to want to speak. He looks really sad.  
  
"James?"  
  
"Oh, sorry. What were we talking about?"  
  
"Uh... what are you doing here?"  
  
"To seek comfort."  
  
"Here?!"  
  
"I didn't want to be alone. And I knew you were alone, so I just decided to come here."  
  
"Without telling me?"  
  
"I knew you didn't want to be disturbed. So I just decided to stay down here. I knew you were upstairs, so as long as I wasn't alone..."  
  
"Well, you could've told me you came. How long were you here?"  
  
"Since last night."  
  
"What about Riley? Did you go to her?"  
  
"Yeah, I did."  
  
"And?"  
  
He sighs and slumps his head down to the table. His hands are balled up in fists, and his knuckles turn white. I don't know why, but I'm starting to feel hopeful.  
  
"We broke up."  
  
YES!!!! YES YES YES YES YES!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
"Why?" I ask, gaining my composure, trying to sound proper, like a friend. But I can't help smiling.  
  
"She met someone else," he responds, sounding dead. He doesn't seem too happy. Why isn't he happy? Now he can go out with me!  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"Yes. Some guy from some muggle bar. Why would she even go to a muggle bar? I DON'T know!"  
  
"Did she do it on purpose?"  
  
"No... she was out with her friends, and it just... happened I guess."  
  
We're both quiet for a few moments. I guess there's not much to add to that. All this mess in three days. How much can the world change in just three days? Well, it can changed a lot, but still. Do I sound selfish right now? SInce I'm glad he's broken up with her?  
  
"So," I say, trying to make conversation. "What are you going to do now?"  
  
"Well, I'll get rid of all her stuff."  
  
"And?"  
  
"I don't know. I really liked her, Lily. I really thought it'd work out."  
  
Gee, that sure makes me feel better.  
  
"I know, James. I know."  
  
"Do you?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I'm done with relationships, Lily! I can't stand them anymore! Every single one goes through the dumps! Nothing ever lasts. Trust me on that one."  
  
Huh.  
  
"I don't care if I go single throughout the rest of my life! As long as I don't need to remember the fucking pain, I'm good."  
  
Single. He's going to go single. For the rest of his life.  
  
He must've noticed my face because he suddenly has a pity look about him.  
  
"Gosh, I feel so selfish," he says, sighing and looking at me. "I know, Lily. And I'm sorry."  
  
Sorry. Thanks a lot Potter.  
  
"No, it's okay," I answer, hearing my voice crack. How embarassing.  
  
I stand up and push my chair back. I'm not angry. Just hurt. He knew I liked him. So why did he not want to be with me? Didn't he want to be with me for what... nine damn years?!  
  
Walking near the stove, I bend down to clean the mess I made on the floor, trying to make my breaths even, though it comes out raspy. Never have I been hurt like this. It's like... a slap in the face. Made by James Potter of all people! I remembered vowing that I'd never let him get to me. I promised myself that in third year, when he decided to put toads in my schoolbag. And never has he gotten to me. Until now. This is what happens when you befriend James Potter; you end up kicking your own ass.  
  
Mopping up the sauce, I sit there pondering to myself. Is it me? Maybe it's me. Did I get fat or something? I can't be fat! I'm 130, and that's good for 5'8! Maybe it's the way I dress... maybe he doesn't like my style. I guess I could start dressing up better. Start putting on makeup. But I hate wearing makeup! And there is NOTHING wrong with the way I dress! I'm up to date with fashion! UGH! He got me doubting my weight AND my fashion sense! I hate him!  
  
I rinse away the sauce from the towel and throw it in the sink. Turning around to raid the fridge again, I find he's still here. Well, I'm not going to speak to him. Screw the fridge! I slam the door shut hard, and head over the cupboards. Cookies. Good. I don't care if they have calories. I'll just get fat. No one wants me anyhow.  
  
I Walk back over to the table and take my previous seat in front of him. I glance at him; he looks even worse than before. Well, I refuse to care! I'll just sit hear and eat my lovely double peanut butter chocolate cream cookies, dipped in a jar of chocolate syrup. Bliss.  
  
"Are you mad at me?"  
  
I can barely make out his voice over the crunch of my cookies. Looking up at him, he's staring at me. I refuse to answer.  
  
"I take that as a yes."  
  
Damn right it's a yes! You made me doubt my fashion sense! And my weight! I hate you!  
  
"I'll leave now; it's going to be weird for me staying around."  
  
Go on, leave then. See if I care.  
  
He looks at me as if I would make a comment and ask him to stay. But I'm not going to. He gets up from his chair and walks slowly towards the door. Surprised, I follow him to the door.  
  
He pulls it open and is just about to step out into the dark. He looks at me sadly. "I'm sorry..."  
  
He steps out side, and pulls the door. It's almost closed.  
  
"You know what?" I call, reaching for the door. He pushes it back to face me.  
  
We are so close to each other again. Just like how we were before Fawkes came. I can feel his breath on my face.  
  
"You know what?" I repeat, suddenly anger filling me once again.  
  
He sensed it and stepped back onto the front porch. "What?"  
  
"I'm sorry too."  
  
He opens his mouth to say something, but I don't want to hear it. Before he can, I slam the door in his face.  
  
My back is against the door. My breating is coming out quick. Did I really just do that? What happens if I ruined my chance? What if we could've gotten together? But he didn't want to. He didn't want a relationship. You heard him, he wanted to stay single throughout the rest of his life. He couldn't stand for someone else to make him sad again. He wants comfort. He wants someone to understand. I understand. I've known him for so long. How can he not know it?  
  
I can make him happy. I can comfort him.  
  
But he doesn't want me to.  
  
Sliding to the ground, pulling myself into a ball, I sit there, staring into space, thinking about nothing an everything.  
  
I've never known myself to cry that long.  
  
- - - - - -  
  
One week has passed. It has been the slowest week in my entire life. The most painful week I've ever spent alone. Well, not really alone. James was here. But let's not talk about him. I've never hated him more than I do now. Constance came back two days ago, looking as dead as ever. We only exchanged hellos, and went about ourselves. We kept moving around the house, but what we were doing, we had no clue. It's as if we were trying to keep ourselves busy from thinking about anything. But the more there is nothing to do, the more you think. And the more you think, the more you dwell. Dwelling doesn't really lead to the best things.  
  
I must've lost a few pounds. I haven't eaten since those cookies. I haven't been inside the kitchen since that night. The kitchen reminds me of things I don't want to remember.  
  
I thought of phoning Dex again, but honestly; what's the use in that now? We both know I like James. We'd just feel uncomfortable and dishonest around each other. Best not to fuck up another relationship. I'm so confused I don't even know what to do.  
  
Currently, I'm staring at the blank television screen. I'm thirsty, but I really do not want to set foot into that kitchen. I see Constance shuffling into the room. Giving a glance at her, I see there are rings under her eyes. Her hair hasn't been brushed and is now frizzed and everywhere, like my own. She's chalk white. She sits on the other couch wearily. Her hand is clutched around her wand.  
  
"Constance?" I ask, unsurely. She must look worse than me.  
  
"Y-yes?" she replies, shaking. I always thought Constance was the braver of the two of us.  
  
"You okay?'  
  
"Fine."  
  
"I missed you."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Never have I ever had such a conversation with her like this. It doesn't feel right. I walk over to her and sit beside her. Her reaction was to jump up and move as far away from me on the couch as possible. Is she scared of me?  
  
"I won't hurt you, Constance. It's me, Lily."  
  
No answer. She just looks so scared. What did Remus do to her?!  
  
"Constance?"  
  
Still no answer. Her eyes are glassy; she's starting to scare me. What happened to her?  
  
I prod her with my finger. "Hey..."  
  
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" she shrieks, bouncing off the couch, and sprinting on the other one, taking the furthest seat from me.  
  
She's never been like this. She's never been like this with me. Is it just me, or am I repelling everyone I talk to nowadays? What did I do? I don't know... oh great. I'm crying again. She doesn't need to be this mean. I'm just concerned for her! She doesn't need to yell at me like I'm some sort of psycho! She's the psycho, with that face and attitude!  
  
I bury my face in my hands, crying. I'm scared, I'm hurt, and I've been rejected twice in a week. This is dumb! I can't stand it anymore! I stand up, and stomp over to Constance.  
  
"What the hell is the matter with you?!" I demand, looming over her. She shrinks back, shielding her face from mine. She seems to be making scared noses. "Huh?! What's wrong?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG?!"  
  
Through my yelling, I'm crying. I hate this.  
  
"What do you want from me?" she asks, her voice small and tight. She cowers in her seat.  
  
"I asked you what's wrong! You're never like this! Why are you acting like this? And why are you scared of me?! Is it something I did?!"  
  
"No..."  
  
"THEN WHAT THE FUCK IS THE FUCKING MATTER WITH YOU?!"  
  
"Lily, you're going crazy..."  
  
"I'M GOING CRAZY?! I'M GOING CRAZY?!?! WHAT ABOUT YOU?! YOU SCREAMED WHEN I TOUCHED YOU, YOU WON'T TALK TO ME, AND YOU LOOK LIKE A DUMBASS!!!!!!"  
  
"Stop it."  
  
"IS IT ME?! DID I DO SOMETHING?! DO YOU HATE ME?! WHY DO YOU HATE ME?!"  
  
"Stop it!"  
  
"IS IT REMUS? HE MADE YOU HATE ME HUH!"  
  
"STOP IT!!!!"  
  
She's standing up now, regaining her composure. We both stand in front of each other, breathing heavily, both crying.  
  
"Lily, I'm scared," she eventually says, looking down.  
  
"Me too, Constance," I reply.  
  
We both finally look at each other. I see my own self in her; scared, angry, confused.  
  
"I'm sorry for yelling at you," she whispers.  
  
"I'm sorry for acting up on you," I answer.  
  
Tears are streaming down my face. She sees them, and wipes them away for me, as I do the same thing to her. She holds out her arms for me. I gladly take them. Hugging can really help.  
  
It is here that we both let our true feelings out. It is here that we realized some things are better off unsaid. It is here that we know is the right moment to cry.  
  
I've never been more grateful for my bestfriend then at this moment.  
  
- - - - - - -  
  
One month. One whole month. And nothing has been the same since.  
  
Constance and I have never been closer. I love her; she's the only thing I can really count on these days. Since that day we spent crying and hugging, we've spent most of the month together in comfortable silences. We tried cheering each other up by telling jokes; we figured it was time to move on. To dwell on something that is past doesn't do anything but bring bigger pain. And it worked.  
  
The both of us are now fully rejuvinated. We had decided to go to a muggle spa, treating ourselves to mud baths and massages. It was really good to get all that tension out of us; we both felt much better by the end of it. We even decided to go on a shopping spree. I had brought clothes and dozens of pairs of shoes while Constance unloaded her purse for muggle toys. Her favourite is the yoyo. She's so fascinated by it, I swear, while she would be playing with it, she wouldn't even notice the house burn down.  
  
I've seen Serene twice since the incident. She seemed better composed than Constance and I did at first, but after the three of us spent a day talking, she let her guard down and cried. We cried with her. The second time we saw her, she had renewed herself as Constance and I did. She had told us that she decided not to think about it, and just go meditating. It worked for her, I guess.  
  
It's strange how the death of a little boy can cause so much effect on all of us. For one thing, we weren't close to the Woods at all. We knew them, and yes, we sometimes talked, but we never KNEW them. But Oliver was such a sweet kid; everyone who met him loved him. How can someone murder an innocent little boy?  
  
I've seen Sirius and Remus five times. Remus had come to visit Constance sometimes, giving her more comfort. They both came to talk to me too, about James. They told me that James wanted to say he was sorry. I don't even care anymore. He's not a part of my life.  
  
At the moment, I'm at work, in my cubicle. Serene is right here beside me, as it is our lunch break. Since the incident, we've decided to not step out of the office until home time, as an extra precaution.  
  
"Where's Sirius?" I ask through a mouthfull of dumplings.  
  
"Oh, up and about the office, I suppose," she answered, waving her drink in the air. "He's become a different person. He started riding his weird flying bike around more often."  
  
"He's not scared?"  
  
"I think it's his only means of escape."  
  
"So, how are things?"  
  
"You're asking me? I should be asking you! You haven't seen James around much, have you?"  
  
"No, and I don't want to."  
  
"Well, don't look now then, because he's heading in our direction."  
  
And here he is, right in front of my cubicle wall, with Sirius beside him looking airborne.  
  
Serene giggles at her boyfriend, something I haven't done in a while. "You look handsome," she says, still laughing at his attire.  
  
"Oh, that I already knew," he replied, puffing his chest out. "Would someone as gorgeous as you like to escort me on a ride?"  
  
Say no, Serene, please say no.  
  
"Sure!"  
  
DAMN IT!  
  
I see her getting off the chair beside me, packing her things. Once she's done, she turns to me. "Sorry to leave you hanging, Lily. But I think there's a few thigns we all need to get out of our systems."  
  
She takes the hand Sirius holds out for her, and then - they're gone. Leaving Potter behind with me.  
  
James comes around the cubicle wall and takes the seat that had previously occupied Serene. We are both silent.  
  
"May I help you?" I ask, trying to sound proffessional, as if this were a mere meeting.  
  
He cocks an eyebrow. "Actually, yes, you can."  
  
"And what with?"  
  
"You can help by explaining why you've been avoiding me."  
  
"Nonsense, I haven't been avoiding you."  
  
Okay, that's a lie. I know. But I don't want anything to do with him!  
  
"Then why won't you even look at me?" he asks, his voice sounding like a yearn. Is he yearning for me? Don't think about that.  
  
I sit up straightly in my chair and revert my eyes to his. "There, I'm looking at you."  
  
"You know what I mean Lily."  
  
"So what?"  
  
"Why have you been avoiding me?"  
  
"There's nothing to avoid, James. You can't avoid something that isn't anything to you."  
  
"What's that suppossed to mean?"  
  
"It means that you aren't anything to me."  
  
At this comment, he glares at me. Boy, his glares are quite scary in daylight. I feel myself shrink back.  
  
"I don't mean anything to you?' He asks, in deadly calm. Okay, don't panic. DON'T panic.  
  
"No," I reply defiantly, though I'm still moving backwards.  
  
"If I don't mean anything to you, then why do you like me?"  
  
"How do you know I still like you?"  
  
"Because you've been avoiding me."  
  
Okay, that's a point for him.  
  
"Look, James. I don't want anything to do with you, okay?" I state, finally stopping as my cubicle won't let me go any further.  
  
He looks at me hard, as if I've just punched him. "No, it's not okay."  
  
"Why not? It's my decision on who I want in my life!"  
  
"It's not okay because you know you don't want me to go away."  
  
"And how would you know?"  
  
"I know because you still like me!"  
  
"So what?! Nothing's going to happen, as you so finely stated back in my kitchen! You don't want a relationship, you don't want anything! So why are you worked up about it?"  
  
He's silent. He can't answer. Ha! I will NOT let him get to me.  
  
"Because I'm scared to lose a friend."  
  
Okay, that got me. And I'm stumped. I can't think of anything to say.  
  
"Why can't we just be friends?" he asks, looking down at his hands.  
  
"Because," I start, resting my hands on my desk. "We're so different. We started off hating each other. Well, you then decided to like me for some unknown reason - which I don't really want to know. And then when we became friends, I started to like you. And you found someone else."  
  
"Okay...?"  
  
"No matter what happens to us, James, it's going to be weird. We can't get along as friends if all this shit is going to stop us and intrude."  
  
"I see."  
  
"We're just... not... friendship material I guess."  
  
And then it hits me. We're not friendship material. So I get my wish don't I? Since we can't be friends, James Potter will officially be out of my life, just like how I asked for it. But I never really meant it. I was just angry.  
  
"Not friendship material..." he echoes. He looks so lost, so lonely, as if he was a little kid again. "So now what?"  
  
Good question; now what?  
  
"Maybe - " I start to say, but am cut off by him.  
  
"Maybe we should just... end it right here, don't you think? Incase anything starts getting worse. We'll still be frie - oh wait, we can't."  
  
"No, we can't."  
  
"Well, I'll see you around here then."  
  
"Yes... you will."  
  
"Goodbye Lily. And thank you for those last months of giving me a chance."  
  
He gets up to leave my cubicle, but before he goes, he pulls me up to my feet.  
  
"Uh..." I stutter, not exactly sure what's happening.  
  
He gives me a look of sadness and anger. But it's not anger for me. It's anger for himself.  
  
"Maybe I should have asked you out back that night. Maybe I shouldn't have said I didn't want a relationship. But that's all past, and it's lead us to here. I'm sorry," he says, never keeping his eyes off mine.  
  
Looking into the hazel orbs framed by his horn-rimmed glasses, I can just lose myself. And before I know it, I feel a tingle on my lips. But as soon as I feel it, the sensation is gone.  
  
He turns to leave me, standing there in ecstasy and misery. My fingers are pressed to my lips; I'm astonished at what just happened.  
  
I can still feel the tingle playing on my mouth. 


	19. Finally

**a/n:** enjoy this chapter.

* * *

Okay... don't panic. DON'T panic! Wait... why am I even panicking? Besides, it's been well over three hours. Well, for one thing... oh, nevermind. The point is, he kissed me! He KISSED me! Am I the most happiest girl ever to touch ground?! I think so! Heeeheeee I can't stop smiling. I'm excited, I feel flushed, I want more.  
  
But I can't.  
  
You know, that thought just really bought my whole elation down. That's not cool. Why did I have to tell him we weren't 'friendship material'?! What the hell does that mean anyway?! Oh bugger... this day can't get any worse can it?  
  
"Blimey, watch it!"  
  
OUCH!!!! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!  
  
Okay, so apparantly, this day CAN get worse. Clutching my aching head, I look to floor to see what had hit me. Someone had charmed a jar of... pickles... to fly to the person behind me. And I was standing up at that precise moment.  
  
"Don't bewitch things to fly if you don't know how!" I hear myself crying out, grabbing the jar in my free hand. "THIS is how you make things fly!" I charm the jar myself and send it zooming back to the original thrower, making it hit him on the arm. Ha! That's what you get for hitting Lily Annalise Evans with a jar!  
  
I plop down on my seat, with my head buried in my hands. Gosh that bloody well hurt! Stupid pickles. Why do they have to be in jars?! Can't they just be compacted in frickin paper bags?! Geez! I swear, I am SO going to sue the pickle jar company! And Daddy will help me. Or I hope he will.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
Damn, leave me alone! Scowling and glaring up, James is leaning his head over my cubicle wall. He's concerned. For ME!  
  
"No," I mumble, tyring to lift my head up. Honestly, I'm not kidding about suing the pickle jar company.  
  
"I could go get you some ice," he says casually, as if trying to sound like he doesn't care. Well, he does. I can sense it. Even if he doesn't, I really want him to care.  
  
"I can get it myself."  
  
I stand up slowly, showing him that I'm not exactly stable but will try to do something. That I'm not completely helpless. And that he might lend a hand.  
  
"Alright then," he replies, turning around and heading back to his spot. He wasn't suppossed to say that!  
  
Resentment starts to overcome me again, as I curse him and stick my tongue at his back. Still clutching my head, I stalk over to the hall, where the weird little ice despenser is. I can never get used to it. I mean, I'm so used to having fridges and freezers. I'm a witch and I still can't get used to seeing ice magically appear even in the hottest sun.  
  
"Lily! What happened to you?"  
  
Turning around, I find Serene and Sirius, arm in arm, looking flushed. Serene's once neat pony tail is now messed up and stray strands of hair is flying all over the place; but she still manages to look smashing. As does Sirius, who seems to be sporting the hairdo that all the Kiss members have. Except he looks better.  
  
"Why do you ask?" I say, putting the ice in a small plastic bag and tying it up.  
  
"Half your face is beet red," Sirius tells me, giving me a concerned look. "What happened?"  
  
"Some dumbass decided to bewitch a pickle jar to fly over to his friend and it just so happens to knock me out with it."  
  
"Nice; very nice. Red's your color!"  
  
He quickens his pace, trying to get away from me incase I decide to do something to hurt him. Which I really want to do, but my head hurts to much to think of something good. Serene is now beside me, linking her arm through my free one, and walking slowly with me back to our office.  
  
"Did you talk to James?" she asks, giving me a sidelong glance.  
  
I raise my brow at her, returning a sidelong glance. "Yes..."  
  
"So...?!"  
  
"So what?'  
  
"Are you guys..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You know! Are you..." she makes a weird motion of the tips of her to index fingers bumping into each other.  
  
"No."  
  
She seems shocked. "Why not?!"  
  
"You can't have everything in life, Serene," I answer, looking away. My eye catches Sirius leaning on the wall of James' cubicle. James sees me and looks at me. At that moment, our eyes lock, but we both look away just as quickly.  
  
"But you were meant for each other!"  
  
"Not really. I can think of other people."  
  
"Oh yeah, like Jeremy? Psh, I think not!"  
  
"Yeah well, love is stupid. I'm giving up on it."  
  
"But what about love at first sight? Isn't that what happened with James? He saw you and he just snapped."  
  
"Maybe for James, but not for me. Love is blind, Serene. Therefore, I do not believe in all the 'love at first sight' crap. It's all bogus anyway."  
  
"Suit yourself then; though I really do hope you both get together."  
  
"That won't be possible."  
  
"Huh?! Why?"  
  
"We've reached an agreement that we can't be friends."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"We can't get along as friends. We keep getting messed up; him getting jealous of Dex, me hating Riley. It's just complicated."  
  
"You can't be friends..."  
  
"Correct."  
  
"You can't be friends."  
  
"Yes, we just went through that, Serene."  
  
"You can't be friends!"  
  
"Okay, didn't we just discuss this - "  
  
"You can't be friends - "  
  
"Serene, I KNOW!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
WHat?!?! We're both standing in the middle of the hall, apparantly attracting everyone's attention because they're all looking at our direction. I hope they didn't overhear our conversation. Serene looks around the place and shoots everyone a snobby look.  
  
"Well?" she states, giving everyone a look of disgust. "Get back to work! Don't meddle with things that aren't of your business!"  
  
She sure has a way with commanding people. Everyone listens to her. No one listens to me everytime I try doing something like that.  
  
"Anyways," she says, pulling me, making me walk back with her to her own cubicle and seating me in one her comfy poofs. Her cubicle is much bigger than mine; but that's because she's bewtiched it to make it as big as her own room. She's got a desk that's just over a quarter of a meter tall. The reason for that is because her seats, or her poofs, pillow, bean bags seats and fuzzy rugs, aren't tall. It's really comfortable, just sitting in her cubicle. I don't bother with anything in my own. Her desk is the most awesome shape; like a splotch of goop that's been slattered down. Her designs are top of the line fashion. I'm so jealous. Maybe I should start decorating my cubicle...  
  
"Yes?" I ask, drawing my attention back to her. She's sitting across from me with a serious face on.  
  
She stares at me hard until she finally speaks up. "You can't be friends."  
  
"Serene I KNOW!" I cry exasperately, trying to get off a subject that she just doesn't seem to grasp. She's a bit slow sometimes.  
  
"No!"  
  
"No what?!"  
  
"Don't you see?!"  
  
"See what?!"  
  
"You say you can't be friends because you can't stand seeing each other with other people, and that something of the sort will always be there to disrupt you."  
  
"Uh huh...?"  
  
"Lily, how thick can you be?!"  
  
"Whaaaaaaaat?!"  
  
"If you can't stand seeing each other with other people, why don't the both of you just hook up?!"  
  
Okay, I have to admit, that thought hadn't come to me. Yet it's so obvious! Why did I not think of it?!  
  
"Anyway," she continues, filing her nails. "You're both obsessed with each other, and you both truly like each other. It's common sense! The only practical thing to do! So you can't be friends - you can be boyfriend-girlfriend!"  
  
I could kiss her right now. "You think?"  
  
"I don't think; I know."  
  
I love her so much right now, words can't describe it.  
  
That's it. I'm going to tell him! I'm going to yell it to him. And then he'll sweep me up in his arms and we can live happily ever after like Cinderella and Prince... something. It'll be great! Just like a fairytale! Every little girl's dream!  
  
Except it isn't. Nothing right now is a fairytale, let alone a dream come true. Nothing screams happiness, only depression. And how can I tell him? It was me who told him we couldn't be anything. It was me who had to make up that stupid 'not friendship material' thing. What the hell does that even MEAN?! It was all my doing. It was me.  
  
It was me.  
  
Damn. I really need a big dose of happy again. It's all just vanished. Gone. Zilched. Like always, my joy can be taken away from me just like that. Great. This is so dumb! I like James, and he likes me! I KNOW it! But... we can't be anything. Gosh, why me? Why is it ALWAYS me?! I hate you, you stupid... love-causing... bug. Stupid cupid! I hate you. You're one real mean guy - I'd honestly love to clip your friggin wings so you can't friggin fly! I like someone who can't be with me and it's a shame. And I KNOW that you're the one to blame. JUST SET ME FREE DAMN IT! SET ME FREE!  
  
"Lily?"  
  
Serene is still sitting there, but freezes while filing her pinkie nail.  
  
"Yes?" I mutter, my elation put out.  
  
"Is something wrong?"  
  
"Chyeah!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I can't tell him."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because! It was me who told him not to come near me! It was me who said we couldn't be friends! If I go talk to him, I'm a hypocrite!"  
  
"So what? Everyone's a hypocrite at least once in their life time. Just undo whats done and tell him you like him."  
  
"You think I can?"  
  
"Hey hey hey! Remember me? Now that I'm finally admitting it WILLINGLY, don't tell anyone okay? I liked Sirius."  
  
"Serene, everyone knew that."  
  
"Yes, but I didn't."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Well, I knew, but I wouldn't admit it to myself. And then one day, I just got the courage and... told him."  
  
"And what did he say?"  
  
"Finally."  
  
I burst out laughing at what Serene had just told me. It makes me feel better and even gain my nerves back. Maybe I could tell him. I hope he'll listen. I hope he's not mad. I hope he still likes me, even if it hasn't even been six hours. I really hope it works out for us. And I can only hope.  
  
- - - - - - - - -  
  
Okay, don't panic. You'll just walk up to him, ask him if you could have a word, and explain it all to him. It's all good. it's all good.  
  
Is it?!?!  
  
It's all good. Relax. Take a deep breath; fix your makeup. Make sure your skirt is creaseless. Is your top inviting? It shouldn't be. Okay, there. Spray your hair if you've got frizz. Pop in some breath mints. Remain calm. Alright. Breathe. Just breathe. And start walking.  
  
Start WALKING.  
  
Okay, I'm walking. Walking ever so slowly to his cubicle. Sirius has left. Well, it's been at least half an hour since Serene's talk with me. Giving myself a prep talk was really helpful. I mean, I'm calm, I'm relaxed, I look good, what more could I ask for?  
  
How about some confidence?  
  
Shut up.  
  
Anyway, just a couple of feet away. Stay cool. Stay cool. Cool as a cat. Cool as ice. Cool as Antarctica. Cool as -  
  
"Hey!" I hear myself cry before I can help it. Someone had just bumped into me, spilling piles of parchment all over me. As I open my eyes, I meet the floor.  
  
"Sorry Lily! Excuse me, but I need to go deliver these to Mr. Moody!" says one of the workers, Stanley. I give a sigh and pick myself up. So much for looking perfect.  
  
"How many times are you going to run yourself into things?" asks a voice from above me.  
  
Standing up properly and brushing the creases off my outfit, I raise my head to James. He's trying to look serious but is failing.  
  
"Sorry?" I say dumbly, rubbing my arm, where Stanley had crashed into me.  
  
"Nevermind. Are you okay?" he asks again, looking at me. My heart flutters.  
  
"Oh, I'm fine - !"  
  
Ouch... I just accidentally slipped on the heels of my shoe and collapsed again.  
  
Smooth. Very smooth. Good job, Lily. You just made an ass out of yourself.  
  
"I take that as a no," comes his answer, as I feel a pair of strong arms helping me up. I try to stand, but my ankle goves way, causing me to slip an fall again. But he catches me before I hit the ground.  
  
"Thank you," I mutter looking bashful. This must be the most horrible moment for my ego.  
  
"I know, I'm not suppossed to be doing this, but I can't just leave you there crumpled in the middle of the floor," he says, helping me into his cubicle and propping me in his big comfy chair behind his desk. "I wouldn't want you making others trip and causing them to strain their ankles too." He gives a small smile which I try to return but end up wincing. "I'll go get you some ice."  
  
"No, that's alright," I reply quickly, trying to stand up. My ankle feel like burning as I put my weight on it and I cry out in dismay.  
  
"Sit yourself down, Lily. The last time I asked if you wanted me to get you ice, you said no. And I saw you walking to the machine; it was really sad."  
  
Heh. Whatever.  
  
"Thank you," I mutter again, looking down to the floor. Why is he suddenly being so nice? Oh wait - isn't that what I want? So I can explain things to him? But didn't I also want this to go perfectly, and instead, I get my ribs punctured, arm bruised and ankle strained? Nothing's perfect I guess.  
  
"Here you go," he says, handing me yet another plastic bag filled with ice, and sitting down the opposite, less comfortable guest seat. Oh yeah, I forgot he gave me his nice seat. How sweet.  
  
I take the ice and try to put it on my ankle. The thing is, I can't. My arms are so stiff and bruised, and I don't want to bend over or my ribs will feel like agony. I try lifting my leg up in the air, but it just gives me more pain.  
  
"I hate this!" I cry, slamming the bag of ice on his desk, and throwing myself back against the chair. "SHIT!" Great. Now not only is it my ankle, ribs and arm - it's also my back. Totally rad.  
  
James suddenly bursts out in laughter as I shoot him a glare. "Sorry," he says shakily from the laughter. "You just look so sad and helpless. Here, let me do it for you."  
  
He picks up the ice and walks over to me, gingerly picking up my ankle and patting the ice down on it, all the while laughing his stupid ass off. I give him a scowl which he notices and laughs even harder.  
  
"I'm sorry, Lily, but you just looked really stupid!" he says, shaking his head.  
  
His laugh is infectious. As is his smile. I can't help but smile myself. And I can't help but start laughing at my own dumbness. We're both in his cubicle, laughing like two lunatics who have nothing better to do but to laugh. We laugh for a long time, and soon, I'm forgetting what we're laughing about.  
  
"Oh man..." he sudden;y says, trying regain composure. His eyes are wet with tears and he's still chuckling lightly. My laughter dies down more calmly. And now, we're both silent again.  
  
"James?" I say quietly and tentively.  
  
He looks up at me with a questioning look. "Yes?"  
  
Oh great. I had this speech all prepared. DOn't forget. Think, Lily. THINK!  
  
"Yes?" he asks again, this time raising an eyebrow. Of all time to happen!  
  
"I'm sorry!" I suddenly blurt out, burying my face in my hands. Ugh... I just bent my arm.  
  
"Sorry? Why?" he asks, putting the ice down and sitting back in the seat infront of mine and bending over the desk.  
  
"Because!"  
  
"Because...?"  
  
"Just - because!"  
  
He gives me an odd look and tilts his head to the side. "Um... is this one of those trick things that girls like to do, saying something and meaning another thing? Or that they say 'because' and want to say something but is waiting for the other person to say something first?"  
  
I take my hands off my face and look up miserably at him. "I didn't mean it."  
  
He looks at me with confusion. "Huh?!"  
  
Honestly, how thick can one get? "I didn't mean all those thigns I said."  
  
"What things?"  
  
"All that crap I said earlier."  
  
"Oh."  
  
OH?! Is that all he can say?! What a mother - okay, calm down. Calm down. Relax. Just breathe.  
  
"Um... apology accepted?" he states, still looking dumbfounded with his head tilted.  
  
I give a sigh of annoyance. "I honestly didn't mean it."  
  
"It's alright. I didn't take any offense in it."  
  
"And you're willing to accept my apology just like that?"  
  
"Sure, why not?"  
  
I've never met anyone that easy going. It takes forever to get Serene, Constance and I to forgive each other. And it usually takes around a week for us to come to. It hasn't even been six hours and he'll just forgive me?!  
  
"Are you feeling okay?" I ask, giving him a suspicious look and sharpening my eyes.  
  
He shrinks back into his chair and looks at me like I've gone insane. "If I said I'd forgive you, it means you're forgiven."  
  
"Just like that?"  
  
"Yes...?"  
  
"Just like THAT?!?!"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"WHY?!?!"  
  
He sits comfortably in his chair and props his feet on the leg rest at the side of the cubicle. He corsses his arms and gives me a shrug. "Why not?"  
  
"Because!" I stammer, still confused and unsure.  
  
"Because?"  
  
"Because!"  
  
"How many times are you going to answer me with because? I'm forgiving you because you apologized and you said you didn't mean it."  
  
"Juts like that?!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
Wow. Men are SO different from women. I wish women were more like men sometimes. Life would be so much easier. No child birth, no needing to crouch at public toilets, less stress over outfits, makeup and hair... all the advantages.  
  
"Anyway," I say, shaking me head to rid of my useless thoughts. "As I was saying, I didn't mean it."  
  
"You've informed me of that," he answers, sitting back more leisurely as me shifts his arms from his chest to behind his head.  
  
"I didn't mean it."  
  
"I know."  
  
"No, I didn't mean it."  
  
"Yes, I know."  
  
"Do you?"  
  
"Yes, I do. Does that mean you'll accept me as a friend again?"  
  
I pause at his question. Think, Lily. Think. You can be his friend. If he's your friend, you don't ever have to risk breaking up, you can always stay on talking terms, and he'll always be there. He'll give you advice on guys and what to do when you're with one.  
  
"Well?" he asks, his face starting to light up by the second.  
  
I look intently at him. I don't know... "No."  
  
His face immediately drops. He pulls himself back to sit up properly in his chair and thinks about my answer, all the while nodding slowly to himself.  
  
"Well then," he says gruffly, avoiding me. "I guess you should be off. Oh wait - your ankle. Right. I'll er... get going then. Leave you in peace with your ankle..."  
  
He gets up to leave and I can't help smiling. "Where are you going?"  
  
He turns around and sees me smiling. He looks uncertain and lost. "I was going to leave you alone."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because..."  
  
"And I thought I was the only one who said 'because'."  
  
His mouth crinkles into a small bewildered smile. He takes his seat again, but sits up straight and doesn't look at me. "Why did you call me back?"  
  
"Because I wanted to."  
  
"Wow, did you just add something to your 'because'?"  
  
"As I was saying, I called you back for a reason."  
  
"Which happens to be...?"  
  
"I said we couldn't be friends."  
  
"Yeah, I got that."  
  
"We can't be friends because we can't seeing each other with other people. And that other people will always disrupt the friendship."  
  
"Yup."  
  
"So we can't be friends."  
  
"I KNOW, Lily."  
  
"And if that's the case, then why can't we just be together?"  
  
He seems to be sitting still in his seat. His gaze is somewhere distant where no one can see except for him. "What?"  
  
I stifle a giggle. "Maybe we can just you know... get together. If we can't stand seeing each other with different people, then we should be together. That way, neither of us can complain."  
  
He looks up at me in disbelief, his mouth half open. The look I get from him looks like as if he thinks he's seen a mythical thing.  
  
"Don't you agree that it's a good plan?" I ask innocently, sitting back slowly in his chair, careful of my injuries.  
  
He nods his head slowly, never taking his eyes off me. "Yes... but you - together - me - US?!"  
  
At this, I can't help but give a small laugh. "Yes, us."  
  
"Wait a second," he says, shaking his head and leaning towards me. "YOU, want US to get together?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Like in a relationship?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"As in boyfriend-girlfriend?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
'US?!?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"YOU want US to be together?! YOU?! WILLING to go out with ME?!"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Why not? Why NOT?! WHY?!"  
  
"Because."  
  
"Just get to the point!"  
  
"I like you."  
  
That seems to shut him up. Gosh, finally. He can yell pretty loud. I pat my ears with my palms, trying to regain my hearing to its normal volume. Ahhh, there we go.  
  
"You told me that before," he says quietly, and looking at me. "But I didn't think you meant it."  
  
Gee, I'm hurt. "Why not?"  
  
"Lily, you were drunk."  
  
"Oh, for Merline's sake! I WASN'T DRUNK!"  
  
HOW MANY TIMES ARE PEOPLE GOING TO THROW THAT IN MY FRIGGIN FACE?!  
  
We're both silent for a moment. Both thinking of what I've just said. Serene's right; I do feel better now that I've got it out of my system.  
  
"Are you serious?!" he suddenly bursts, now standing up with his hands pressed to the table.  
  
How long is it going to take for him to grasp the concept? Maybe I should have picked someone with brighter brain molecules.  
  
"Yes, I'm serious," I answer, giving him a dead serious look which he accepts.  
  
He's looking at me; I'm looking at him. He's moving closer to me, my head is tilting to the side...  
  
"Oh - sorry!"  
  
We both break apart just as suddenly as the abrupt interruption. What the fuck now?!  
  
We both turn to see Stanley. He gives an embarassing squeak.  
  
"Yes?" James asks impatiently, his tall fram towering over Stanley's smaller one.  
  
Stanley shrinks back and gulps, looking scared for his life. "I just wanted to apologize to Lily again for crashing into her. I was running late and I couldn't give her a proper apology."  
  
Awww... how nice. I smile at him and he seems to be less scared, now that he sees I'm also in the cubicle. Does James really look that scary? Let's have a look - ohhh... he really DOES look scary... Well, as long as he doesn't look like that with me!  
  
"Well?" James demands, drumming his fingers on his desk.  
  
"Yes - right," Stanley stutters. "Sorry about that Lily, and if there's anything I can do, you just name it!"  
  
"Actually, there IS something you can do," I say.  
  
He looks up at me, as if scared that my request will physically affect him. "Y-yes?"  
  
"You can leave us alone now."  
  
"Oh, right." And with that, he runs off to whever he was previously.  
  
"So..." James says, stalling for time and peering closely at me.  
  
"So," I reply, looking nervously up at him.  
  
He gives me one of his famous goofy smiles, the ones which I've hated and learned to adore.  
  
"Where were we?" he whispers, causing bumps to inflict my skin.  
  
He's moving closer to me. Please let there be no interruptions this time. I give a quick glance around to make sure no one's around. Once I'm assured, I relax, and bend my head to reach his.  
  
The tingly feeling will never go away.

* * *

so. did you enjoy it? ha, i doubt it. ANYWAYSSSSS, yet another quick update.

unfortunately, all the people of my grade are doing the oh so wonderful government-put literacy test - the most dumbest test ever to be created. because of the literacy test, i've been homework free. and what better way to spend free time than to sleep, eat and get this story out of the way? exactly.

well, as i said, this is the last chapter. **NOTE THAT** i **haven't** put up part 2 of the story. do not worry;_** i will post an author's note after this chapter to inform you that part 2 is up.**_ so just keep me on your alerts okay? well, if you're interested in what happens later. or if not, just... keep coming back.

anyway, on science; no, i'm not taking anger out on science. i'm just so friggin bored that i have to complete this story. on the otherhand, history is getting to piss me off. i'm sick of looking at trenchfeet. and spanish influenza. gosh.

so thank you for reading this all along and encouraging me all the way. there were countless of times that i just wanted to stop (i'm sure some of you can remember) and even got mr nutters to console me of writer's block. but its ok. i made it in the end. and part 1 is finished.

be happy i'm writing part 2 for you. daayuuuum (hahahaha)! most lily&james stories just end off when they get together. but since i'm such a good being, i've decided to lead you all to the end. yes, that tragic end. blame jk rowling for that.

anyways, until the author's note and part 2, the sequel, ms buggers salutes you to happy readings.  
(hahaha that is the corniest fucking line i've ever written.)


	20. up again

ah yes lads. i (miss buggers that is) have decided to come back. 

after a good... two or three months of rest, my brain is finally up and going.

i apologize for my lack of humane...ism for the past. for these reasons shall i explain.

i) science was torturing me. i've just finished off the exams two days ago. and HOPEFULLY i've passed the course. and then, never again shall i ever take another science course ever. lets just hope.

ii) friends. they were in trouble. what kinds of issues i will not say. but it does um... include violence and hazardous health. ANYWAY, being as i'm such a good friend, i needed to help them. which took time off homework too.

iii) lastly, family. one family loss, another family feud, and two... extremely sad family violence cases. all of them private.

there. now you know. now you know why my tone was so bitter and i took off the story. i needed time to breathe. time to think things through. and i wont lie to you - i'm still not okay. i still dont have many things straight. over the past few months, everything has been going downhill. but you cant always get what you want in life. so you just... plough through the fields.

anyway, heres my story again; Ending Obstacles. mind you, i only have the first two chapters written. and i gaurantee that the updates wont be frequent. i have math this semester. apparantly, math is going to be very hard.


End file.
